Friday Feedback: A New Shiny Cover Reveal

Forgive the late posting. This was not the blog post I originally planned today. I wrote a whole 'nother one, then, as they say in THE PULL OF GRAVITY, the best laid plans got in the way.

Okay, maybe they said that somewhere else first before my debut YA. :)

Anyway, not the post I was planning, but we did the official JACK KEROUAC IS DEAD TO ME cover reveal yesterday unexpectedly, so I'm bumping everything to share that here. Now.

Isn't it pretty?!?!

If you want to read the official COVER REVEAL BLOG POST (and why Kelly Hager of KellyVision was the perfect host), you may do so HERE . . . and to read more about the book or preorder (those are good for writers!!!), you may do so here: https://www.amazon.com/Jack-Kerouac-Dead-Me-Novel/dp/125031223X, (although the BEST place to preorder is via your local indie and/or brick and mortar.

Or, heck, preorder through one of my favorite indies -- and endeavors -- THE BRAIN LAIR BOOKSTORE <--- p="" there.="">
Anyway, I'm excited about this book I started nearly a decade ago (!!!) and hope you all love it when it arrives on shelves everywhere in April 2020.

Now, without further ado, FRIDAY FEEDBACK. If you haven't been here before, please take a moment to read THE RULES.

My share is a moment in my continuing WIP ("Work in Progress") which right now appears to be adult literary fiction. It is completely unedited or reread. A true first "Vomit Draft." Last week we met Paul at "Twenty Three Years Later." For the moment, this is the first time we meet June.

Twenty years later.

June

June Sobel sits at the living room window, across from the piano, and stares out at the patchy lawn. She’s not thinking about the small lump her OBGYN found in her breast yesterday morning, or about the biopsy she has to go in for next week. She’s thinking about Gabriel and the time he explained chord progressions to her, a moment that comes back to her lately, again and again.

“Since there are only so many chord progressions to choose from,” he’d told her, “you can’t protect them, or accuse other people of stealing them.” 

He’d been sitting at the piano, then, absentmindedly fiddling with the last two high-pitched keys, to the point where she’d lost her patience, annoyed at the repetition. It was a Saturday morning and she was enjoying her tea, and it infuriated her the way he’d do that, play nothing at all, or worse, something aggravating just to get on her nerves. After all those lessons, he was more than capable of playing something beautiful.

----

See you in the comments!

- gae

Friday Feedback: Will this Be Your Summer to Fly? (and. . . the Rules).

One of the perks of sticking with it?
getting to meet and hang with some of your own personal heroes!
Here, with the truly awesome human, Chris Crutcher.

"I've always wanted to write a book."

You've been saying this for years.

Or, better yet, you started a book years ago, but never found the wherewithal to finish.

So, what exactly are you waiting for??

Oh right:

              The right moment.

              Enough time.

              Proof you can really get it done.

Proof it won't suck.

Proof you don't suck.

Proof you won't have wasted all that time.

https://giphy.com/gifs/65ODCwM00NVmEyLsX3

Yeah, forgive me for laughing, but . . . good luck with that.

Because no matter how long you wait (AND if you're me -- and most the writers I know -- it won't matter how long you actually are published for,) you are never going to have ANY of those occur.

Not time.

Not proof.

Not really.

At least not without YOU drilling opposite messages into your head. Here they are:

The time is now.

THIS is the right moment.

There will NEVER be more time than there is now.

There will NEVER BE enough time.

Ever.

And, there is absolutely no proof you can get it done. Like, zero. Well, except for the empirical fact that you have hands that type, presumably a laptop (or writers notebook, or very long scroll of toilet paper), a brain that works (most days), and a pen. Therefore nothing but YOU is stopping you.

You're welcome.

But seriously. Very few of us have the luxury to just start out as writers (or ever do nothing other than write to support ourselves). The first complete manuscript I ever wrote took me five years. When I started it, I had a colicky, impossible toddler, a baby in my tummy, and worked from home as a lawyer writing per diem motion papers and representing a few of my own clients on the side.

By the time I finished the manuscript, I had a six year old, a four year old, and was working three-quarters time running my own law practice. Oh, and p.s. that book never sold. Never saw the light of day. Nor did the one I wrote after it.

ALL my writing during those years took place from 10 pm - 3 am, and, yeah, some mornings I was very very tired.

Here's something else, with a fifth and sixth book coming out in 2020 from major publishers, I STILL don't know if I can do it again. I still don't know if I'm wasting my time. If I have anything to say that's worthy of all the effort and revision and rejection. So that most days, surfing the internet and ordering clothes from Free People is way easier than butt-in-chair to see what -- if anything -- comes out of me.

And, then, somehow, I do it. I write that page.
That sentence.
That scene.

The one that makes my heart race, that comes up out of me from who knows where (though, once in a while, I have an idea...)?

The one that sends me chasing after the next sentence, after the characters, and, eventually, the whole of their story waiting to unfold.

And I let them march forward (knowing I can change it all later if I want to), let the characters take up enough words, enough moments in my head, that they start to occupy this space that's less thought and more magic. And just a tiny bit of promise. I allow them the space to come alive and remind me that THEY have something to say.

I have NO idea if this is the right place to start, but it's
A place to start, which is better than not ever starting at all. 

I focus not on the book/story at first, but the small moments, the characters, and hope they will be enough to bring me back a second day and sustain me.

So, for now, STOP worrying about the big picture, and march forward with the small.

STOP asking if you have the time, and make (take) it.

START somewhere.

And once you do, don't turn back. Not now. Later you'll know whether that was the right ultimate starting spot, but right now, if you are typing, it is.

And STOP asking if your words will be good enough, and just write them.

You can change them later. I promise. And you will.

But there is nothing to make pretty if you never write it at all.

Having said that, welcome to Friday Feedback! And, hey, guess what? I'm in your shoes. Working on something new and I'm not quite sure what it is. The working title is EDGES and you've seen a few glimpses above. In a minute, I'm going to share an excerpt with you from the opening for your feedback (because that's how this works). Then, you do the same in the comments.

If you are a first time participant, before you get started, please read -- and abide by -- the rules!!!

But first, in case you've gotten here, and you still don't know how it works:

How it works. Easy peasy:

Every week, I -- or one of my awesome guest authors -- will share a tiny bit of writing wisdom followed by an excerpt of our own ROUGH, UNPUBLISHED writing for your feedback. In return, we offer you the same opportunity: to share a brief excerpt in the comments for feedback from us -- AND from other campers!). 

See? Simple.

Now, HERE ARE THE RULES: 

1. The Feedback should always be given in this order:

• WHAT WORKS (and why)?;
• WHAT MIGHT NOT BE WORKING if anything (and why)?; and
• ARE YOU COMPELLED TO KEEP READING?

Please note the order of those. Here at Friday Feedback, our first goal is to be encouraging. We highlight the gems in one another's writing before we offer up constructive criticism. If you launch in with constructive criticism, I will hunt you down and fine you. Okay, well, I will hunt you down and scold you. :) 

2. The excerpts should not exceed three (3) paragraphs, if long, five (5) paragraphs if mostly dialogue or otherwise short. This rule holds even if I, or my guest authors, post a longer excerpt. If you put up more than the requested length, we do not promise to read beyond the stated limits. And PLEASE DON'T MAKE US CLICK ON A LINK TO READ YOUR EXCERPT ELSEWHERE!!! If you're having trouble posting, feel free to email me at g.polisner@gmail.com

You may post excerpts through Saturday and I will check in, but I do not require my guest authors to read past close of business Friday. 

3. We ask you to remember that this is just for illustrative and enjoyment purposes. There is only so much we can realistically glean from a brief excerpt out of context. Friday Feedback is intended to be instructional and inspiring, but please know our feedback out of context of a full work must always be taken as merely that. Your job here is to take in the information as you will. Keep what you like. Toss what you don't. In the end, you are the boss of your own writing.

4. You may be the recipient of one of my patented "Superspeed Flash Edits."

Okay, fine, they're not patented, whatever. Sometimes, if your excerpt lends itself to me doing one of these, I will do so: namely, zip through your piece editing for passive voice (where not intended) unneeded words, wrong punctuation, repetition, etc.

I will NOT edit your own unique voice or substantive writing. This is an exercise intended to demonstrate how revision/clean up/intentional writing can truly make our voices pop and shine. And this is almost always SECOND DRAFT STUFF -- the stuff of REVISION -- when you are sharing first draft stuff, and so, again, is merely intended to make you aware of potential tics and such that take away from your own beautiful work, so you can get on that stuff DOWN THE ROAD.

If you do NOT want to be the recipient of a Superspeed Flash Edit for any reason, please message me at g.polisner@gmail.com and I'll remember not to edit you, or even say so right in the comments. :) 

5. To elaborate on one of the points above. . . I know many of you work summers and may not find time to post your excerpt until late Friday evening. I do not ask any of my guest authors to return Saturday, but some of them are willing. I will often return Saturday morning to give stragglers feedback. Please don't post beyond that. Please note that Friday Feedback takes a lot of work if the comments are busy, and my, and my guest authors', time is offered to you for free as a source of inspiration and encouragement. If you participate here, please order my newest title, IN SIGHT OF STARS, or any of my other titles if they appeal more to you, and when possible, please order the newest title of my guest authors. If you are unable to purchase copies, it is almost as good to reach out to your local library and ask them to order it in if they don't have it already! 

And, now, without further ado (because that was already a LOT of ado), here's the current very opening of EDGES. Believe you me, I'm nearly as nervous as you are to share, especially since it's not my usual comfort zone of YA. But, too bad for me. So, here it goes:

Twenty-three Years Later.

Paul

Paul Sobel stares at the ceiling thinking about some damned bird, as he has been doing for -- well, how many hours has it been now?

He lifts his wrist out of habit to check, but of course he stopped wearing a watch ages ago. God forbid he didn’t give in and learn to use that damned cell phone for everything, like everyone else does. Time. Internet. Weather. Texting, for God’s sake. Texting. All forms of human contact. A damned slave to some metal and glass box filled with pixels, helpless to function when you suddenly find you don’t have one on you.

Well, honestly, then, he has no idea what time it is.

It could be 8 pm. It could be midnight. Hell, it could be 2 am.

His stomach growls, and he wonders vaguely, again, how many messages are piled up on his cell phone where he left it on the kitchen counter when he headed down.

Down to the freezer to get some ice cream.

If June were here, none of this would have happened.

But the bird? The bird? What was that thing called again? Maybe it’s the loss of blood affecting his memory, or the pain in his low back and right shoulder, now replaced with a tingling nothingness. Or maybe it’s simply hunger and lack of movement. He’s barely eaten since yesterday.

A Casserole! No, no, of course not. That’s not it. That’s food. This was a huge emu or ostrich type thing that looked even more vicious and prehistoric.

A Cassoulet. Hah, no! Food, again. Some sort of pork and bean dish?

He laughs out loud at this, so hard he begins to cry. Stupid old pansy-ass is flat out crying, his whole upper body wracked with sobs.

---------

xox gae (see you in the comments!!)

Friday Feedback: Introductions and THE RULES

photo credit: Rick Kopstein

Hey all you lovely Teachers Write! campers,

I'm so (effing) excited to see some of my "old" regulars back and meet some new shiny lovelies here at TW! and Friday Feedback.

We won't officially start until NEXT Friday (so don't be sneaking any excerpts in the comments for me to read, but DO say hi and/or introduce yourself so I start getting a handle on the names**). But, I did want to take a luxurious moment to introduce myself properly to any newbies, and explain THE RULES of Friday Feedback fully here, so I don't take up any space on next week's post, since next week I'll only be "half" here (I'll explain below), and besides guest author, Amy Fellner Dominy, has a ton of amazing stuff to say to you about BEGINNINGS (stuff that helped ME -- a seasoned "pro" *coughs* -- this week when I was reading her draft post and getting it ready for posting) so I don't want to bog her post down.

Seriously, you guys, you are SO crazy lucky to have the advice of the amazing guest authors Kate and I somehow get to help us out every summer! If you haven't seen Kate's lineup for any reason, read HERE. I'll share mine at the way bottom below. For sure, all of them are way smarter on this stuff than "seat-of-my-pants" old me which is why I love doing this so much. I learn something new every week!

So, first, who I am (if you know all this already, just scroll down to the RULES): Well, you can read all about me HERE, but what you really can't read there is that I didn't start writing (again) until my mid-thirties, so I'm an "It's never too late," story.

I'm also a "life-is-full-of-rejection" and "perseverance-is-the-key-to-success" story as you will now see.

I wrote a ton as a kid and a teen, and even into college, but then went to law school where, I'm fond of saying, I had the creativity sucked right out of me. I got married, practiced law, had kids, and then, in my early to mid thirties really missed the creative side of me. Of course, with two babies at home and part time work, I had little time to write. I'd go down to my basement where my computer was between 10 pm and 3 am, when my colicky, night owl babies might actually be asleep. I wrote furiously, not knowing where I was going with it, or whether I even had a book in me. It took me about 5 years to finish my first manuscript, a piece of women's fiction that, after two years of solid rejection, finally got me agented ("Has anyone ever told you that your writing reminds them of Nicole Krauss?"). With great hope and talk of six-figure deals, that manuscript ("mss" often) got submitted to -- and rejected by -- well over 30 publishers! (I still have to breathe through when I type that).

During that time, I wrote a second piece of women's fiction. My then-agent and even a second agent loved that mss even better, so now we were really on our way!

Except that that mss also amassed an endless slew of amazingly complimentary rejections: "gorgeous writing," "compelling story," always followed by a big, bold, neon-glowing "but. . . "

It's an extraordinary and surreal feeling to have that
first box of author's copies arrive. . .

Then, about 8 years from the date I started writing again, I wrote THE PULL OF GRAVITY, and less than a year later, I sold it to the extraordinary Frances Foster. And the rest they say is history.

(The rest, I say, is an ongoing battle of writing, breathing, hoping, rewriting, and not knowing. But it's all good, I promise you.)

Anyway, I tell you that story. . . well, you know why I tell you that story. The writing biz is a tough one. Writing a good story is hard. It's full of work, tedium, rewrites, rejection, self-doubt and exhilaration. It's that last one that keeps us going.

It never gets old seeing your
work on the shelves of a bookstore

This March, my second novel, THE SUMMER OF LETTING GO, came out.

If you took a minute to click on that link, you'll see it took you to a pretty lovely review in the Sunday Children's Book Review section of the (effing) New York Times! Like I said, exhilaration. 

I hope many of you here will buy, borrow or steal it (okay, fine, not steal it) and read it, and find some moment of lovely connection. If your TBR is too huge and you have any summer road trip plans, it's also out in audiobook and the narrator, Tara Sands, does a tremendous job.

Okay, enough about me, onto Friday Feedback and the RULES:

Every week, as part of the FF post, my guest author or I will prepare a writing-related blog post and at the end, we will share a BRIEF excerpt from one of our Works in Progress ("WIP" often) that will hopefully illustrate a bit of what we are talking about. Because the excerpt we share will be from a WIP, we, too, will often be filled with the self-doubt and fear of sharing that many of you will come here toting in your first days. Read that again.

Why do we subject ourselves to this?

One of the slides from my part of our NCTE 13 presentation!

I have a saying: Brave is as brave does. So, we, the "published authors" open ourselves up to the same constructive feedback we hope to give you, because we need it and because, ultimately, it's the eyes of objective readers that help us to see the gems and, sometimes, the flaws we need to see. Otherwise, so much of the work we do is in solitude, in a vacuum, and we plod along not knowing.

To be clear, this FF system is not a perfect one. It is very hard to assess a piece of story out of context, from just a brief sample. And so all feedback here must be taken with a grain of salt. On the other hand, over the years, we've found it helpful and often exhilarating, so on and on we go.

So, back to the RULES: At the end of the blog post, we'll post a brief excerpt and ask you for three specific pieces of feedback in the comments:

1. What works for you? 

2. What doesn't if anything, and why?

3. If it's a beginning, does it hook you? If it's not, does it compel you to keep reading?

Now, read that again. Notice the order. If you are a teacher I beg of you, never grade or assess a student's writing without telling them first something that works, what they've done right, before you correct them or offer constructive criticism (which in any writer's mind, especially a kid writer, is akin to telling them what they've done wrong). Hopefully over the course of this summer you'll see how much more open we all are to constructive criticism when we're given some honest praise first.

Once you have done that, you're invited to post your own BRIEF excerpt in the comments and we -- my guest authors and I, and even other Friday Feedbackers -- will offer you the same information in the comments.

By BRIEF, I mean brief. Regardless of how short or long our shared excerpts are, please limit yours to between THREE (3) and FIVE (5) PARAGRAPHS, NO MORE, five if they're short, three if they are long (if it's a ton of dialogue, then we will adjust this rule accordingly). This is for our protection and yours. Ours because there can be up to 30 or more excerpts shared in a given day, and that's a whole lot of reading and feedbacking for my guest authors and me, and yours because I don't want there to be enough up there that, if someone "lifted" your words from my blog, you'd feel a significant piece of your story was plagiarized or stolen. It's the Wild West internets, after all.

Once in while I will do one of my patented SUPER SPEED FLASH EDITS on your excerpt if it lends itself to it, in which I will quickly eliminate unnecessary words that might bog the piece or pace down, change tenses, or combine sentences, etc. Small fixes that don't ever mess with your voice or your words, but illustrate a concept that may help your writing to pop and shine even more. If you don't want me to do a SSFE for any reason, speak up or forever hold your peace.

Oh, and last but not least, even though it is called Friday Feedback, you are welcome to post an excerpt through SATURDAY, and at least *I* (I can't guarantee my guest author) will give you feedback through the weekend. Please do NOT post past Saturday night, as any stragglers beyond that will likely lack comment as I will already be preparing the post for the next week.

And that's that. I will relink to these rules every week. Please read them, internalize them, and try to abide. We have a lot of fun on my blog, but the first goal is always to encourage, and never to tear down.

Me, super excited, un huh.

I'm truly super excited about this summer! As I mentioned, I'll only half be here next Friday (it seems to never fail that I am travelling during the first week, alas), as I will be en route to, and at, Eight Cousins Bookstore in Falmouth, MA. I will try to read posts as car internet service permits and will likely stop by late that evening after all my bookstuff is done. Providing I have service where I'm staying on Martha's Vineyard, for my Bunch of Grapes signing the next day. If you are near either of those venues, PLEASE come by and say hi, and let me know you are from Teachers Write!

Regardless of me, you will be in extraordinary hands with Amy Fellner Dominy, I promise you. Plus, we may have a little bookish surprise. . . so put your brave caps on, and get your beginnings ready to share!

And, now, last but not least, after Amy, here's the rest of my amazing Friday Feedback lineup (please click on the links, order their book(s) and/or request them in from your local library): Nova Ren Suma (7/18); Avi (7/25!!! I know!!! Pinch ME on that one too . . . ); Charlotte Bennardo (8/1); and William Ritter (8/8). Each of these amazing and generous authors is donating his/her time to me. Please share their titles and, when you love a book, be sure to spread the word and/or put up a review. ;)

xox gae

** if you post using an online name that doesn't identify you, please include your real first name in the comments when you post. It's very hard to hold on to a weird, fake online name when I'm trying to make a true connection with a writer.

Friday Feedback: Take Your Advice and . . . Think About It?

So, a friend of mine -- a writer with several traditionally-published books under his belt -- asked if I would take a look at a YA manuscript of his (his first in the genre).

The manuscript has been getting great "plot" feedback from agents and editors alike, but they are, thereafter, rejecting it -- mostly on claimed issues with the story's "voice."

As such, he specifically asked me not to worry about little problems with story or structure or dialogue, but to just see if I could figure out what is wrong (if anything) with the voice.

So, here's the thing: I'm reading, knowing his credentials far exceed mine, and I'm seeing problems everywhere in the first 30 pages -- concrete problems that have nothing to do with voice (though might amount to why voice isn't working for them). And, so, I'm questioning myself.

"Who am I, compared to this more successful writer, compared to editors and agents alike, to think I might actually "see" more concrete things wrong with this manuscript?"

Worse, when I know that writing advice is subjective.

I like what I like, and I don't like what I don't like, and as objective as I try to be, that truth is going to seep in to any critique I offer.

Even professional reviewers can't avoid this truth, or how can one explain the same book getting a stellar Kirkus review, while the School Library Journal or VOYA review is, say, less so? (*coughs*). Doesn't it mean that those readings are subjective?

So, here's the million dollar question: when seeking feedback, Who do you believe?

What advice do you take?

IMHO, there are really no definitive answers, but I do have a rule of thumb. All well-intended, constructive criticism is, of course, food for thought. Sometimes, no more than that.

But, if two or more people I admire (writing or reading-wise) take issue with something in my manuscript (or, in the case of my agent or editor, it only needs to be that one person), I deem it more than food for thought. I deem it something that needs my focus and consideration.

I may not agree with how or why they've taken issue -- or their potential suggestion, if any, for how to fix it -- but I do believe that it means as the writer, I may not have done my job communicating what I was hoping to, as well as I thought I had.

I need to go back with fresh eyes and look at those parts again.


So, for example: In my current manuscript, one of the "bits" that plays out throughout the story happens to be a favorite part of several of my BETA readers. I got repeated positive feedback about those parts. My former agent loved them too.

So, imagine my surprise when my current (and forever) agent commented that he found those parts occasionally to be a bit "twee."

Twee?!

Blech.

My first thought was to ignore him -- I mean, it's like five against one, right?!

But as I thought more about it, and held sight of my rule -- I thought, maybe I just haven't done those parts quite as well as I thought I had. Maybe my BETA readers are forgiving, and my agent is rightfully not.

So, now, on revision, I will look again with fresh eyes and an open zen-like ( ;)) mind.

And, the best I can do for my friend, is offer up what I "see," how I feel when I read, and know he will take it for whatever it's worth.

But, here's the bottom line. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. WRITING IS SUBJECTIVE. Reading is too. Critiquing is too.

For as many readers (agents, editors, reviewers) as like your book, there will always be detractors, someone who doesn't. Some readers will connect with your book, and some just won't. It's personal, but it isn't. So, hold on to that. In the end it's your story. Your voice.

Only you can decide.

So, here we go, peeps. Just you and me and Friday Feedback. You know the RULES. Here's a bit from the manuscript I'm working on now. Just a rough bit from the early middle. The main character is a 17-yr old boy, and a very good artist.

"So, then. . .” She lifts my portfolio and rests it on the table. “I didn’t open it, but I really wanted to.” She laughs, apologetically. “It’s just that I hear that you’re good.”

I shift on the couch and press against the headache that’s forming at the bridge of my nose.

“Ah, I see you’re not offering to help with my curiosity. Fair enough.” She winks to let me know she’s just playing, and slides the portfolio off to the side. There’s something real about it – her – how she’s honest, rather than therapist-like, which makes me feel badly that I’m not in the mood. She pulls her clipboard back onto her lap. “No worries, really, I’ll live. I promise. But, maybe Monday you’ll share?”  She flips the sheet over and writes a note on it. The portfolio sits there, its handle dangling over the table’s edge.

My eyes flash to the small piece of masking tape wrapped around its handle, the words Kee ha Wo scrawled in Sarah’s handwriting. My stomach twists. I’d forgotten about that piece of tape. It’s mostly brown smudge now, my grip erasing letters over time.

Kee ha Wo. It reads like some cryptic Chinese phrase. But I know what it said. I remember.

           It was a double entendre, the day of the MOMA, on the train. She had whispered it in my ear, and the next week, I found it taped there on the handle like that. She had burst out laughing when I found it, loud enough that Mrs. Tarantoli gave us a look from her desk.

Kee ha Woo. I remember every single word Sarah said.

- gae

p.s. if you missed Kate's Teachers Write! Quick Write yesterday, and you're a participant, you shouldn't have. You can find it, and chime in your letter here: http://www.katemessner.com/teachers-write-89-thursday-quick-write/

p.s.s. No sad goodbyes here from me to my Teachers Write! campers (I refuse!!). Friday Feedback isn't going anywhere just because summer may end. Come back and play any Friday, and your students are welcome too. xox

Friday Feedback, New (new, new) beginnings

One of the best pieces of advice I can give new writers is, don't waste too much time on the beginning. When you set out to write a novel, don't keep fixing up the opening scene, spinning your wheels to make it pretty. Get it down, move on, and go back to it when you are done with the whole story. Because, most of the time, it's not until you've seen the middle and end, that the true beginning will reveal itself to you.

It may be a mere paragraph later, or a whole chapter later, or maybe you haven't written it at all. Maybe the first sentence stays, and you gut the opening from there.

there are frogs of relevance in Frankie Sky...

     As some of you may know, I just (finally! *tosses confetti*) sold my next YA novel, Frankie Sky.

Prior to the sale, no opening of any of my manuscripts changed more than the opening of that one, Frankie Sky.

There were definite reasons for these changes, for starters, the original version I set out to tell morphed completely as I wrote. The protagonist, Francesca "Beans" Schnell, started out much younger in the original draft, and the story spanned a much longer time. The central focus was her relationship with the boy she meets, Frankie Sky.

Here's one of the original opening's from 2010:

http://www.mypoolsigns.com" target="_blank"> MyPoolSigns.com

The first time I see Frankie Schyler, he’s diving into the deep end of the Lawrenceville Country Club pool. All around the pool, clear as day, are big white signs with black letters that say, “NO DIVING,” but, then, he can’t know about those.

     As I made my way into the story, I knew I wanted Francesca to start a little older, and for the book to span a shorter time. It became more a story about Francesca and her best friend Lisette (not to mention a love triange) and, so the opening morphed to here:

It’s not even noon in not even July, yet already the sun bakes down hot and steady making the air in front of me waffle like an oily mirage. I hate summer, and it only makes it worse that I’m here at the Lawrenceville Country Club pool without Lisette because, since school ended, she’s never around.

I sit up and adjust my bikini top, trying to stretch it across the spots it barely covers. It’s snug only because it’s old – one of Lisette’s hand-me-downs – and not for better reasons. Lisette had lent me it last spring for a school carwash, and I grabbed what I could this morning. It’s not like I have a fresh supply of bathing suits.

Fast forward. The book sold (*makes another squeaky happy noise*) and my new editor commented that she wanted to see Francesca's relationship with Lisette sooner - though not necessarily in the opening. In the version that sold, we don't see Lisette until the third chapter, although Francesca referenced her in the first paragraph.

Based on that feedback, and a few other editorial requests, I started to play with this new opening, which is where I am now:

It’s not even noon in not even July, yet already the sun bakes down hot and steady making the air in front of me waffle like an oily mirage. I hate summer to begin with, and it’s looking more and more like I’m going to spend this one being a third wheel.

Lisette walks ahead of me with Bradley, her blonde pony tail bobbing happily, the stray, static strands of her hair lit gold by sunshine that spills down through the fresh green canopy of leaves.

Bradley holds tight to her hand, ducks to avoid the low-hanging branches. Prickles of sweat appear between his shoulder blades, dark gray dots through the pale blue cotton of his t-shirt that mesmerize me.

So, what do you think? Does one of these openings hook you more than another? What makes an opening work for you? Do you have a favorite opening line?

You know the rules for Friday Feedback (and, if you don't CLICK HERE). Let's use the most recent (last posted) opening of mine: does it hook you? If so, why? If not, why not? Tell me in the comments and, if you want, post a brief excerpt from something you're working on. It can be a poem, a short story, a novel, and I (and maybe some of my readers) will give the same feedback back to you.
p.s. If you're in Mr. Wyzlic's class, please let me know! Look forward to chatting with you guys on Tuesday!

Happy Friday.

- gae

Friday Feedback, Reworking the Beginning

Me, being fly. *coughs*

This week, I be fly.

Too fly to really deal with Friday Feedback.

Too fly to use proper grammar, apparently.

Too fly to sound as if I could ever even really be fly.

(I entertain myself, you know.)




At any rate. That *points up* is me, being fly. Okay, not really. That was me trying to show someone the color of my new pink sunglasses.

They fly.

No? Really?

Fine. Whatever.

It's been a fun, happy week. Included in the fun, is the fact that The Pull of Gravity was named to the Bankstreet list of Best Children's Books of the Year, ages 12- 14. I am HUGELY honored (and thrilled to see a few Class of 2K11 - the Graduates friends' books in there, too!). Then, there was the whole film option thingy I was talking about HERE if you missed it. Whether it happens or not, it is kinda fly to be chatting on the phone with a Hollywood producer, don'tcha think?

And, then, maybe there's some other stuff, too, super top secret CIA-like things, that I'm not at liberty to discuss yet.

Plus, my boys are on vacation, and they're both happy, and my hubby is a gem, so, I'm just waiting to get hit by a bus. >:(

But I digress.

Friday Feedback. Here we go. You know the rules. Okay, fine, if you don't, they're HERE. Today, I'm revisiting an old WIP (Work In Progress) I hadn't touched or looked at in more than a year. I started to rework the opening again the other day, so I'm posting it here. It's a real "vomit" rework, so, you know, take it with a grain of salt.

photo credit: SciencePhotoLib.

Delias hyparete metarete – Common name – Painted Jezebel

 

Chapter One

It is believed that the Jezebel’s brightly-colored underside

serves as a warning pattern to predatory animals.

The butterflies arrived on a Saturday, but I waited till Sunday to open them. I needed Max’s help with the greenhouse.

It was late April, and I’d been dating Max Gordon a few weeks by then. That particular day stuck with me because of how he built the greenhouse, and also because of what Aubrey said.

It’s funny how my mind goes back to that spot each time, to how Max helped me, and to the stupid little thing that Aubrey said. As if I had heeded it, it might actually have changed the course of things. With Mom, and Aubrey, and Ethan.

Max was at my desk, working on the frame, and Aubrey and I sat together on my bed, tackling the smaller boxes with the butterfly larvae. Well, I tackled, while Aubrey lazed about, bored and inattentive.

It bugged me how Aubrey always used to like the butterflies almost as much as I did, until she started hanging around with those other girls.

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Happy Friday! Post your stuff in the comments for feedback.

- gae