Friday Feedback: Where Will Your Spark Come From . . . ? And, THE RULES.

Dear readers
(campers/teachers/librarians/aspiring writers),

here is what you might want to know about me as I lead you through a summer of writing:

I have no idea how I've written well over ten manuscripts, sold half of them, had four already come out in traditionally published form.

None.

Like, zero.

Zilch.

I mean, yes, sure, fine: I know I did certain things, dug down, persevered, sat "ass in chair" for endless hours, hitting keys, and so on. But the stories themselves? Still after all this time, I have NO idea how those come.

Here's the hard cold truth:

I am not a person who has stories spilling out of my pores.

The world interests me -- moves me infinitely -- but it's the small moments I get caught up in, sort of free-floating curiosities -- beginnings, perhaps, but not more. Sparks of ideas, clearly without middles or ends.


A father walks out.








A boy too young to swim dives into a pool.

A tower comes down changing everything.














Someone draws a mark across someone else's artwork.





There is a moment of breaking.

A moment of healing.

Possibly, a moment of falling in love.




That's it, people. That's all I have when I enter into my stories. That is what I dive in with.

And, so, each time I find myself having finished one and back at a beginning, I doubt my ability, not to write the story once it arrives, but to have the story -- any story-- come in the first place.

And when it does, and I reach a middle and, finally, a shining end, I'm never quite sure how I got there.


So, HOW do I do it? Well. I can tell you how I don't. I don't sit at a blank screen willing shit to come. For me, that would never make it happen.

For me, for story to come, I take myself away from the computer and I swim.

I swim.

I swim.

And while I am swimming, I start asking myself questions:

What triggered this moment? And why does this moment matter to me? What does it say about life? About the world around us? About being human?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

And more questions: What do I have to add to that? What do I have to explore or impart?

What do *I* have to say?

Here's how some of the above moments might expand outward in that way to hint at story:

A father walks out.
A boy has to step up. Stop burying his head in the sand and learn how to be an adult.

To stop running away and come home.

How do we do this alone?
Maybe we don't. We find a friend.

I have something to say about friendship.




A boy too young to swim dives into a pool.

A girl is frozen, can't help him.

Why?

What has happened to make her afraid?

She has failed somewhere. Failed mightily. And now she has no self worth.

What will help her feel brave again?

Ans what do I have to say about this? Something about forgiveness:
Forgiving others and ourselves. . .

Someone draws a mark across another person's artwork.

That someone is a boy who wants to be an artist. He knows this is wrong,
so why?

He's hurting and desperate for connection.

He's got good reason: he needs help. Too much hurt and pain have piled on.

What do I have to say about this?
There are ways to seek help. There are good, skilled people who want to help us. And we also have the ability to help ourselves.


So, if you are about to embark on your Teachers Write/Friday Feedback summer, and have no story idea in mind, start looking for moments, asking questions, and walk away from the screen and jump into the proverbial or literal water and swim.

And if you already have that story started? Ask those same questions. Ask the louder and harder, over and over again. And keep answering them. Ask them through first and second drafts, and endless drafts of revisions.

AND now, without further ado, Friday Feedback Summer 2018 and THE RULES (they are there for a reason. Please read AND follow them!)

FRIDAY FEEDBACK SUMMER 2018.

How does it work? Easy peasy:

Every week, I -- or one of my awesome guest authors -- will share a tiny bit of writing wisdom followed by an excerpt of our own ROUGH, UNPUBLISHED writing for your feedback. In return, we offer you the same opportunity: to share a brief excerpt in the comments for feedback from us -- AND from other campers!). 

See? Simple and exciting. There are just a few RULES: 

1. The Feedback should be specific and always be given in this order:

• WHAT WORKS (and why)?;
• WHAT MIGHT NOT BE WORKING if anything (and why)?; and
• ARE YOU COMPELLED TO KEEP READING?

Please note the order of those. Here at Friday Feedback, our first goal is to be encouraging. We appreciate the gems in one another's writing before we offer up constructive criticism.

2. The excerpts should not exceed three (3) paragraphs, if long, five (5) paragraphs if mostly dialogue or otherwise short. This rule holds even if I, or my guest authors, post a longer excerpt. 

There may be 30 - 50 excerpts up here on a busy week for me and/or my guest authors to read. If you put up more than the requested length, we do not promise to read beyond the stated limits. You may post excerpts through Saturday and I will check in, but I do not require my guest authors to read past close of business Friday. 

3. We ask you to remember this: there is only so much we can realistically glean from a brief excerpt out of context. Friday Feedback is intended to be instructional and inspiring, but please know our feedback out of context of a full work must always be taken as merely that. Your job here is to take in the information as you will. Keep what you like. Toss what you don't. In the end, you are the boss of your own writing.

4. You may be the recipient of one of my patented "Superspeed Flash Edits."

Okay, fine, they're not patented, whatever. Sometimes, if your excerpt lends itself to me doing one of these, I will do so: namely, zip through your piece editing for passive voice (where not intended) unneeded words, wrong punctuation, repetition, etc.

I will NOT edit your own unique voice or substantive writing. This is an exercise intended to demonstrate how revision/clean up/intentional writing can truly make our voices pop and shine. And this is almost always SECOND DRAFT STUFF -- the stuff of REVISION -- and is merely intended to make you aware of potential tics and such that take away from your own beautiful worl.

If you do NOT want to be the recipient of a Superspeed Flash Edit for any reason, please message me at g.polisner@gmail.com and I'll remember not to edit you. :) 

5. I know many of you work summers and may not find time to post your excerpt until late Friday evening. I do not ask any of my guest authors to return Saturday, but some of them are willing. I will often return Saturday morning to give stragglers feedback. Please don't post beyond that. Please note that Friday Feedback takes a lot of work -- often a whole day's work, offered to you for free as a source of inspiration and encouragement. If you participate here, please either order my newest title, IN SIGHT OF STARS, and the newest title of my guest authors, or if you are unable to purchase a copy, please reach out to your local library and ask them to order it in! And if you are an audiobook lover, I HIGHLY recommend Michael Crouch's stellar narration of IN SIGHT OF STARS. 

And, now, since I always go first, I just happened to have written a potential new beginning to my next novel (for those who have known me a while, you have seen this title floating out here for a long while now....), JACK KEROUAC IS DEAD TO ME.

I'm doing a major revision under the guidance of my fab editor, Vicki Lame, and playing with some voice and technical stuff in the story, so I'm anxious to hear what works for you, what doesn't, and whether you are compelled to keep reading?

-->

The day is hot. We are running through a sprinkler in my backyard, dodging in and out of the water that fans over us, shrieking gleefully as cold droplets rain down on our tanned shoulders, our stomachs, our legs.

You push me closer as the arc of water returns, and I fall onto the grass, laughing, managing to take you down with me. The sod under us is new and soft, and the freshly mown blades stick to our limbs, our bodies, our faces.

We don’t care; we have no one to impress but ourselves. We are giddy with summer, with each other. We are still on the cusp of everything.

After, you turn off the hose, and we lie on faded chaise lounges we have dragged to the middle of my yard. Our chests heave with rapid, satisfied breaths in our barely-filled-out bikini tops.

You reach out and take my hand.

“You are perfect, JL, you know it?” you say. “I have never had a friend as perfect as you.”

“No I’m not, don’t be stupid,” I snap back, wanting to untangle my fingers, detach for a moment, but you only squeeze harder.

“Well, I think you are. I wish I were more like you, pretty and free, and not afraid of anything. Like your mother. Plus, I can tell you anything, all sorts of secrets and they’re safe with you – with us.”

You think it’s a compliment when you say this, to tell me that I am like my mother. To think I am unfettered in that way. Yet even as you say it, something else lurks at the edges of your words. You have judged me, decided who I am. And, at some point, I will prove you wrong and fail you. Something scares me deeply about this truth.

“I am not,” I say, my face reddening in protest, but you don’t look to see, and even if you did, you couldn’t tell my blush from the spreading color of heat from the sun.

“Are too,” you insist. “I wish I could be more like you.”

So maybe I’m wrong.

Maybe you’re not judging me at all.

I squeeze your fingers back, wanting to agree with you instead, to get back to the lightness, and hold onto whatever spell has you so enamored with me.

Or maybe I’m weak and don’t have the heart to call out the lie, or tell you how afraid of everything I really am.

SPRING UPDATE! B-Fest, Kirkus Reviews, and $1.99 Deal on SUMMER!

Heads up! Spring is flying too fast. And there is way too much to do!

Here's some bookish stuff that's going on . . .

For starters, early reviews for THE MEMORY OF THINGS are coming in and they are pretty wonderfully good.

Booklist calls it, 

"...a touching look at the power of selflessness, memory, and hope in the face of tragedy." 

And Kirkus Reviews says:

"A love letter to the New Yorkers who rallied together. . .Detailed and well-researched, it's sure to make young readers curious about those unforgettable days after the twin towers fell."

Then there's YABooksCentral that says it, "Leaves a small mark on your heart," and calls it one of the Buzzworthy Books of the Summer. 

There happens to be a Goodreads giveaway going on for the galley copy right now, if you want to throw your reading cap in the ring!



As for summer. . . I mean, SUMMER, as in THE SUMMER OF LETTING GO, I will be at both the East Northport, NY and Lake Grove, NY Barnes and Nobles this weekend (June 10 - 12) as part of B-Fest, the first-ever national teen book festival and I can't wait!

Join me, Selene Castrovilla (MELT & SIGNS OF LIFE), Lisa Amowitz (UNTIL BETH) and Laura Burns (SANCTUARY BAY) at the East Northport location (June 10 at 7:30 pm) for a 90-Second Read Event followed by signings...

and join me Saturday at the East Northport location for some writing workshop fun AND a sneak read from THE MEMORY OF THINGS! I'll be giving away a signed manuscript, too!

Also, if you haven't read THE SUMMER OF LETTING GO yet, it's a Kindle deal right now at $1.99! 

Oops, sorry. Yeah, I shouted that. Forgive me. I've never been a $1.99 Kindle deal before.

On June 22nd, I'll be at Books of Wonder, NYC, with an amazing panel of authors talking diverse books and what that even means, and celebrating the launch of pal Selene Castrovilla's SIGNS OF LIFE! You should join us!

Last but not least, I'll be heading to #nErDcampMI in July with pal Nora Raleigh Baskin to share a super exciting presentation on our sister 9/11 books, NINE, TEN: A September 11 Story and THE MEMORY OF THINGS. We've been working hard to share the hows and whys of our books and our stories, and I'm so lucky to be sharing a huge part of this journey with Nora. She's a huge talent and one of the bright gems of friendship in my life.

Other than that, the usual family stuff (on super speed and super-need!), plus the open water season is now open for full business, and before you know it, it's going to be August, and I'm going to be calling for Spring again.

Blissfully in the salt with Fairy Pod Mother
of the West Neck Pod, Carol Moore.

 xox (keep reading!)

gae

Summer is coming; It's time to let go.

For me, summer is such an incredible time of letting go, and of bliss.

It wasn't always that way for me. If you asked kid/teen me my least favorite season, it was probably summer, or at least summer played a close second to winter in that regard.

I'm not sure why, but the summer held angst for me, rather than allure.

It wasn't until I became a real swimmer in my early 40's -- and an open water swimmer -- that summer turned into something else entirely. A time of power, a time of regeneration and healing, a time of bravery, and, yes, a time of relaxation and bliss.

Now, each dark, weary winter, I remind myself I just need make it to summer and the restoration will begin.

Don't get me wrong. I love spring too, with its endless buds and promise. And for me, that is when the open water season now readily begins. I was out with my Pod this past weekend, and it was glorious -- cold (about 45- 48) but "doable" and therefore, EVERYTHING.

me, last weekend, with my Podmates, before. . .

and after our amazing 45-minute open water swim...

As a Podmate watched me stand at the water's edge and breathe deeply in, he said to me, you really need to write a book about the water.

Oh, Tony, I have! I said. I promise you I have.

And while it's surely a theme I return to again and again, my book about water is THE SUMMER OF LETTING GO -- a book about the fury and power of water to take away, as well as its power to heal and help us forgive.

One of my favorite early reader reviews contained this sentence, "It's as if the water itself is a character in the story." I wept when I read that review as it is exactly what I set out to do.

I know that the book has been characterized as "YA" and of that I am proud. But I also want my readers to know that I try to write books that will be loved by any age, 12 - 102. Yes, my published works are stories set at a particular time of youth, but, I hope, they are inhabited by characters and themes that will appeal to the most sophisticated and savvy reader among us. Think To Kill a Mockingbird or Huck Finn, or A Separate Peace or the many, many wonderful novels for all ages populated by teenaged kids.

The truth is, most YA writers today will tell you that. We write for everyone.

We write for you.

At any rate, as SUMMER turns 2 (!!) next month, and I hope you'll add it to your reading list if you haven't read it yet. If you've read and loved it, I hope you'll share your review on line, and word of mouth with a friend.

And, last but not least, for those who don't know, I wrote an essay HERE for my publisher about why I wrote THE SUMMER OF LETTING GO, and I hope it might move you, if you haven't read it yet.

Here's to spring, and the bliss soon to come.

xox gae

School visits, new book in the works and other catching up...

Publishers Weekly announcement for my next book,
THE MEMORY OF THINGS

Hey, peeps!

Been a while since i played catch up.

Been a busy early fall with writing and revisions, school visits, open water swimming, dog walks and beautiful leaves, and, finally, the announcement of THE MEMORY OF THINGS, coming September 2016.

*points up to shiny PW announcement*

To say I am excited about this book is an understatement, and as early blurbs from respected writers come in, and enthusiasm from my awesome editor, Vicki Lame, and awesome publisher, St. Martin's Press, mounts, well, the excitement only builds.

As always, I find myself trying not to wish away the seasons in between, just so I can get to the release...

For sure, I know by this point that all of it is so fast and fleeting, I need to milk and enjoy every moment, and let the new book arrive in its own good time.

Having said that, OMG, I CANNOT WAIT!!! (and, at least wouldn't mind the cold dark, post-holiday winter moving swiftly along...)

In addition to work on the new book and a new manuscript (of course...), I've had some amazing school visits and author events this fall. Three highlights:

• Paid some Skype visits with Ms. Shaum's various 8th grade classrooms who are Nanowrimo'ing for the month of November. OH MY GOSH, GUYS!! DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO BE NANOWRIMO'ING?!?! That you have a teacher who finds the time -- makes the time -- to let you spread your creative wings?!?!? If only my boys had had English teachers who did that... but, um, I digress...

Yes, he has a signed copy of THE SUMMER
OF LETTING GO in his hand... 

• #nErDcampLI: Had an incredible day participating in the first ever Long Island nErDcamp (a/k/a: nErDcampLI). OMG, LI educators: DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE THAT YOU HAVE A nErDCAMPLI now?!?!?!?! 

Here's a post about that from the uber-awesome Joellen McCarthy, one of its extraordinary facilitators and person you want to know: Spreading the PD Love. You can also follow the hashtag on twitter for updates.

As for photos, I could share some of me, but honestly, the one immediately above is one of my favorites from the day. The whole scene was so exuberant and contagious, the hard working custodial staff came by to the booksale after a ridiculously long day, to chat with the authors and buy books!

• And, last, but definitely not least, I finally paid an in-person visit to a school I have Skyped with many times: THE DAVID BREARLEY MIDDLE SCHOOL in Kennilworth, NJ. It was truly one of the highlights of my author life so far.  

Just walking through the school's halls and courtyards will begin to show you what creativity goes on in that school, led by the enthusiasm and dedication of English teacher Nicole Warchol and art teacher Janice Marsili (who was just honored as a Teacher of the Year with good reason!). I couldn't stop taking pictures and leaning close to read each incredibly original and evocative 8-word memoir, quote, and musing:

Ridiculously inspiring... and that is only a handful of the artful spots that beautify the school, all teacher and student created!!!

Of course, that feast for the eyes and senses was just the beginning.

I spent the day with Ms. Warchol's 7th graders talking writing and doing five minute writing exercises inspired by my writer pal Jo Knowles' White Page List Poem she shared last summer during Teachers Write!

Throughout the day, a few of my 8th grade favorites from last year when we Skyped (sorry, here I play favorites...), stopped in to say hi. These kids were so connected after our visits that we've all become good friends staying in touch through twitter and Instagram, and I don't think any of us could hug the other enough. After school, they interviewed me for the school paper and then we headed to the library for a THE SUMMER OF LETTING GO book club, for which more than 50 students, administrators, librarians, teachers and parents showed up and stayed for our more than 2-hour discussion!

At the end, we ate cake (you can see the awesome cake in the photo montage above!) and then I read aloud from the first ten pages of THE MEMORY OF THINGS for the first time ever. To say the reaction was enthusiastic... well, that, too, would be an understatement.

with my sweet, smart pals: Rae, Sarah, Justin & Joe

So that's catch up! Still hoping to eke out a few more open water swims before the holidays and bone-cold winter set in.

Love to you all,

gae

Friday Feedback: Already So Long, My Usual Parting "Gift" and Some Other Cool Stuff...

This is me. Here in my swim cap and bathing suit poised on the edge of the pool.

(Why YES this is an excellent way to ruin your iPhone if you're not careful. Thanks for asking...)

At any rate.)

I'm here, hanging on to summer because:

WAAAAAAH.

I mean, BIG OL' WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Only bigger than that.

As usual, I don't want summer to end.

I don't want Teachers Write to be over.

I don't want you or my own kids to go back to school.

I'm on the end-of-summer precipice for realz over here.

It isn't pretty, and it gets worse every year.

*breathes*

Alas, here we are at the end of these things, and, this, the final FINAL unofficial Friday Feedback of the 2015 Summer. I can't tell you all how much it means to me that so many of you stop here week in-week out, chime in, and dig down to do the real nitty gritty brave of sharing your writing. I'm proud of you, even if I really have no right to be.

And my guest authors were pretty darn impressed by you too!

As such, I want to offer a few parting gifts (and other cool stuff):

First: for those of you who participated here on Friday Feedback regularly this summer and plan to continue on with your writing toward a goal of publication, I make you this standing offer: When you are ready, you may ask me for help with your agent query letters. Trust me, they're a stress-inducing beast, and I'm fairly decent at them, so when you're ready, find me here: g.polisner@gmail.com.

BUT before you send me any query, please do read THIS POST on some dos and don'ts of query letters FIRST (fyi, you can skip all the dog stuff and scroll down!), and THIS awesome POST by agent John Cusick too!

Second: Remember the talented Amy Fellner Dominy who did the fabulous exercise on character mapping? Author of OyMG (just chosen as a PJ our Way Reading Program selection!) and her new pulse-pounding young adult novel, A MATTER OF HEART?

Well, Amy has a few author copies left of "HEART" and has offered to give away some classroom copies here! So IF your classroom is ages 12+ and you're interested, please say so in the comments with what grades you work with. We'll draw a few random names and hook you up!



And, third: frantic about heading out into the wild west of novel writing on your own?!?!? Have no fear, a new awesome resource for you is here!




Remember the lovely Martha Brockenbrough who was here in July with her extraordinary post on The Art of Persistence?! Author of the beautifully woven THE GAME OF LIFE AND DEATH?

She asked me to tell you about her new novel coaching program, Nothing to Novel, that she's started with a few other talented author friends. Martha invites you to explore the website and sign on for some services when you are ready! Is there anyone better to seek advice from? I can answer that for you: There is not!!!

And that's that, my lovely, shiny campers, like it or not, TW Summer 2015 is in the books.

But since we're here and it's Friday, why not a little Friday Feedback as a send off?

You know the rules. Feel free to share an excerpt in the comments one last unofficial summer of 2015 time.

No excerpt from me today. This is all about you.


For those of you still wringing out more summer like I am, ENJOY!

For those returned or returning to classrooms imminently, I wish you a joyful school year. And if any of you use my books in the classroom or library, etc. please reach out to me about making a Skype visit to your school!

-gae

Friday Feedback with Selene Castrovilla: Voice - The Heart of Your Story

Me, in my other true element. 

Ah, dear campers,

Somehow, too quickly, this is the last "official" Friday Feedback of our 2105 Teachers Write! summer. 

How ridiculously unfair!

I will post an unofficial wrap up with gifts, advice, links and giveaways next Friday, and welcome as many of you who still have time and stamina to show up there! I also remind you to read through the comments on our "So You Want to Join a Critique Group" post and chime in if you want to make connections there.

Now, without further ado, today's pretty amazing guest author, Selene Castrovilla* author of several picture books including the award-winning REVOLUTIONARY FRIENDS, as well as several young adult novels, is here to talk about that ever elusive and ever important, "VOICE" in story. How to find it and what it means.

Selene's most recent YA novel, MELT, "a brutal love story," has sure got a strong one going throughout! I know because I've read it. More particularly, I tore through it, heart-racing, and you will too. 

MELT has garnered SIX honors and awards, and none other than Jacqueline Woodson (BROWN GIRL DREAMING) has said about Selene & MELT that Selene is ". . . a writer worth watching." 


Jacqueline Woodson, so, I mean, it doesn't get much better than that.

p.s. the original post on voice sent to me by Selene was over 14 pages long! Um, FOURTEEN PAGES!! Too long for a blog post, but, gosh, don't you just love our guest authors?!? If you would like to read the entire post, with its many incredible examples, feel free to email me (g.polisner@gmail.com) and I will forward it to you for your reading pleasure! 

__________________________________________________________

If you like and have used this post, please check out my books HERE. 

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Now, here's Selene:

We often refer to voice in this most mystical sounding way: “You found your voice!” And while there is an ethereal aspect to writing which cannot be taught, voice is in fact something stemming from craft. Voice is not inspiration. Voice is the result of the writer transitioning inspiration into story using specific tools and techniques. Voice is the result of damn hard work and determination.

Patti Lee Gauch, one of the greatest children’s book editors, asks this question of writers: “Did you go far enough?”

Voice is what happens when you go far enough.

"Voice is the heart of your story. Literally: it is the mighty muscle though which our story’s life’s blood circulates and flows. Figuratively: It is the core, it is the essence. It is the truth."

Voice is the heart of your story. Literally: it is the mighty muscle though which our story’s life’s blood circulates and flows. Figuratively: It is the core, it is the essence. It is the truth.

Voice separates mediocre and even good writing from great. Voice is what makes you root for the hero, and even feel for the anti-hero. Voice leads to total immersion; comprehensive investment by the reader. If you put a book down without finishing, its voice did not compel you.

Voice is the way your story is told, in every aspect. It requires meticulous attention to details.

Everything we include in our story must circulate through voice.

Here’s how:

Character

Character is, of course, where we start. Plot stems from character. Because it is your character’s personality that determines where they will head, and how they will react to their circumstances. If Harry Potter had been a little jerk, things would’ve gone done differently at Hogwarts.

If you love a book you love the character’s journey (even if they are anti-heroes, you can can still enjoy their ride to either redemption or ruination.) Your character is your voice, because your story stems through his perceptions and experiences and choices. But we must develop this voice carefully and completely.

How do we present our character’s voice effectively? We must know it intimately. We must become this character.

Examples:

The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger:

“If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.”

What if it had been written like this: 

“I don’t feel like talking about my childhood. Especially not my parents.”

It boils down to the same information, but it lacks the voice. See the difference!?

Setting

It’s not enough to describe a powerful setting. This setting must be seen through the voice: the eyes and mood of your character. And if there’s more than one point of view, you must accomplish this multiple times. This is the most commonly ignored element I see. Your setting is not just a description of a place because no two people see a place the same way. 

Examples:

Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

“Somebody put a calendar on the bulletin board in my room. I guess they wanted to make sure I knew what day it was. I think I heard a voice say, ‘You can make the days.’ That’s a funny thing to do with days. Mark them. Put an X on them. Cross them out.”

What if it had been written like this:

“There was a calendar in my room. They said I could mark off the days.”

America by E.R. Frank

        “You have to watch what you say around here because everything you say means something and somebody's always telling you what you mean.

         ‘Step off,’ I tell this nurse when she tries to get me to eat.

         ‘You mean, thank you for caring,’ she says. ‘You’re welcome.’

         ‘I need a lighter,’ I tell her, and she goes, ‘You mean you want a lighter. Dream on, sweetheart.’

         So I take their medicine and walk around in socks the ay they make you, and stay real quiet.”

What if it had been written like this:

“I’m stuck in this hospital where everything is misconstrued. So I comply with their rules and stay quiet.”

Sensory Details

The sensory details our character observes are totally dependent on that character’s state of mind, which lends to voice.

Examples:

The Catcher in the Rye

“Then she introduced me to this Navy guy.  His name was Commander Blop or something.  He was one of those guys that think they’re being a pansy if they don’t break around forty of your fingers when they shake hands with you.  God, I hate that stuff.”

What if it had been written like this:

“She introduced me to her date, a Navy fellow. He had a strong handshake.”

Precision of Language

 We have a rich language. So many words mean basically the same thing, but they possess different moods and shades. The texture of the words we choice weaves voice.

If you want your character to appear depressed or downtrodden, have them plod across the floor. If they are playful, have them scamper. When I wanted my character to be disdainful to the legal process (and in general), I gave him the line: “The assistant DA rolls in.” I could’ve used “strolls,” but “rolls” says so much more. That sentence has voice.

Sensory words

I also like to use words that have a sensory feeling to them, in conjunction with the voice:

glints - shiny, but it feels sharp

stammers - struggles to get words out, but with a brutal, stamping feel

Gustave Flaubert famously coined the term “le mot juste:” the right word. He labored to find the precise word which would reveal the truth on the page. I, too,believe that we must search for le mot juste. In fact, I find great satisfaction in this thrill of the word chase. One of my great joys is using  my Flip Dictionary (by Barbara Ann Kipfer, published by Writer’s Digest books.) It’s a thesaurus on steroids. Meant for writers, it will provide you with inspiration and aha! moments to enrich not only your story, but also you.

Here’s an example of both precision of language & sensory words:

As I lay Dying by William Faulkner

“It’s because he stays out there, right under the window, hammering and sawing on that goddamn box. Where she’s got to see him. Where every breath she draws is full of his knocking and sawing where she can see him saying See. See what a good one I am making for you. I told him to go somewhere else. I said Good God do you want to see her in it. It’s like when he was a little boy and she says if she had some fertilizer she would try to raise some flowers and he taken the bread pan and brought it back from the barn full of dung.

And now them others sitting there, like buzzards. Waiting, fanning themselves. Because I said If you wouldn’t keep on sawing and nailing at it until a man cant sleep even and her hands laying on the quilt like two of them roots dug up and tried to wash and you couldn’t get them clean.”

What if it was written like this:

“Cash is building my mother’s coffin right under her window. And the rest of the family sits in her room waiting for her to die.”

Pacing

Never underestimate the power of pacing to influence your voice. Pacing runs side by side with word choice, because the words you use determine your pacing. Short, staccato word chains create a different pace that long, weightier words.

Play with words as you build your sentences!

stumbles vs. trips

collapses vs. falls

wounded vs. hurt

Shift in voice

Voice can also do a shift. It can be dark to darkest, as in Macbeth by William Shakespeare

In the beginning Macbeth says:

“Come what come may,

Time and the hour runs through the darkest day.”

In the end he says:

“To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day

To the last syllable of recorded time,

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage

And then is heard no more: it is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.”

It can be hopeless to hopeful, as in You Don’t Know Me by David Klass:

In the beginning John says:

“You don’t know me.

Just for example, you think I’m upstairs in my room doing my homework. Wrong…And I am not in this house at all. I am in the middle of a hurricane. Thunder is cymbal-crashing above and beneath me. Lightening makes my hair stand up. Winds are spinning me like a top…You don’t know me at all.”

In the end he realizes:

“I look up into your eyes and I see the truth there, and I admit that I was mistaken all along.

So you do know me, Mom.

So you do know who I am after all.”

But this shift must be a consequence of the character’s journey. It can't appear out of nowhere. If that happens, the reader is at the least dissatisfied, and at the most disgusted. An unjustified shift of voice at the end is what makes us “hate that book” even if we enjoyed it to that point.

I hope this has helped you. (Oh, it has, Selene!! It has! It's a pretty extraordinary post!) 

And, now, since it's Friday Feedback, let's share bits of our work that reflect a strong moment of voice. Here's a moment from SIGNS OF LIFE, the sequel to MELT, due out January 2016! And if you're new to Friday Feedback, don't forget to scroll to the bottom of this link to read THE RULES. 

xox Selene (& gae)

Joey –Now

            I ain’t talked with her for almost a year.

            Scratch that. Shit. Grammar is a biatch. Do I get points for substituting ‘biatch’ in for the word I’d normally use? Doubtful. Mrs. Baker’s not cutting any breaks for stuff like that. She would say it would be better for me to avoid all such terms. She would go, “Grammar is unpleasant, Joseph. I believe that is what you meant to convey.”

            Not go. Say. “People ‘say,’ Joseph.” That's what Mrs. Baker would say. “They speak.”

            Right, Mrs. Baker. You're absolutely right. People speak.

            Except when they don’t.

            Except when they can’t.

            Sometimes they ‘go,’ but it has nothing to do with speaking. Or leaving for that matter. Sometimes they go even when they’re here, and that sucks.

            Oh, sorry Mrs. Baker. I mean, that is unpleasant.

            But really, it sucks.

            I promised her I’d graduate, and go to community college. Not Mrs. Baker. Doll. I promised Doll. I didn’t think I’d get in to the college, but she said “Try, just try,” and so I applied, and they took me. Go figure.