Forgive the late posting. This was not the blog post I originally planned today. I wrote a whole 'nother one, then, as they say in THE PULL OF GRAVITY, the best laid plans got in the way.
Okay, maybe they said that somewhere else first before my debut YA. :)
Anyway, not the post I was planning, but we did the official JACK KEROUAC IS DEAD TO ME cover reveal yesterday unexpectedly, so I'm bumping everything to share that here. Now.
Isn't it pretty?!?!
If you want to read the official COVER REVEAL BLOG POST (and why Kelly Hager of KellyVision was the perfect host), you may do so HERE . . . and to read more about the book or preorder (those are good for writers!!!), you may do so here: https://www.amazon.com/Jack-Kerouac-Dead-Me-Novel/dp/125031223X, (although the BEST place to preorder is via your local indie and/or brick and mortar.
Or, heck, preorder through one of my favorite indies -- and endeavors -- THE BRAIN LAIR BOOKSTORE <--- p="" there.="">
Anyway, I'm excited about this book I started nearly a decade ago (!!!) and hope you all love it when it arrives on shelves everywhere in April 2020.
Now, without further ado, FRIDAY FEEDBACK. If you haven't been here before, please take a moment to read THE RULES.
My share is a moment in my continuing WIP ("Work in Progress") which right now appears to be adult literary fiction. It is completely unedited or reread. A true first "Vomit Draft." Last week we met Paul at "Twenty Three Years Later." For the moment, this is the first time we meet June.
Twenty years later.
June
June Sobel sits at the living room window, across from the
piano, and stares out at the patchy lawn. She’s not thinking about the small
lump her OBGYN found in her breast yesterday morning, or about the biopsy she
has to go in for next week. She’s thinking about Gabriel and the time he
explained chord progressions to her, a moment that comes back to her lately,
again and again.
“Since there are only so many chord progressions to choose
from,” he’d told her, “you can’t protect them, or accuse other people of
stealing them.”
He’d been sitting at the piano, then, absentmindedly fiddling
with the last two high-pitched keys, to the point where she’d lost her
patience, annoyed at the repetition. It was a Saturday morning and she was
enjoying her tea, and it infuriated her the way he’d do that, play nothing at
all, or worse, something aggravating just to get on her nerves. After all those
lessons, he was more than capable of playing something beautiful.
----
See you in the comments!
- gae
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ReplyDeleteGood morning,
DeleteThis book sounds delightful. I'm a library para and I think my students would enjoy it. It's a great way to get them interested in non-fiction. Children always get a kick out of learning that different types of things can share the same name or features. And I love the garden zoo idea, what a neat concept. Sounds like something an art teacher could grab a hold of too and use. Press on.
WOW, ty Martha. The idea came from the word "foxglove." I thought of a fox in gloves doing the foxtrot.
DeleteGae, I’m feeling June’s character for sure! A big deal problem, maybe cancer? And yet, She is annoyed by this piano playing “nothing.” I want to read more!
DeleteHere’s my slightly revised (for POV) and scene for today. It’s not long because my family room is being torn apart and rebuilt now after water damage. (That’s another story!)
April gets her Stabby Cat finger grip ready and places the $200 in her bra for safe keeping. She parked a block away from the Michigan City downtown shop where “Grandma” — the seamstress — waits at the front counter to complete the wedding dress fitting.
Bzzz! Before Grandma buzzes April in, she whispers through the intercom, “Did you bring cash?”
April nods and then enters the shop. It’s early morning, and the store hasn’t officially opened yet, but Grandma has been hard at work since 4:00 am.
“Thank you for this. I appreciate it so much. I cannot find anyone who alters wedding dresses on short notice.” April places the cash carefully on the counter. Grandma picks it up and stuffs it in her own bra.
“Nah, it’s nothin’. Anything for James’ girl,” Grandma dismisses the comment with her left hand while grabbing the pin cushion with her right. “Stand still now.”
“How long have you been here?” April asks, just to make conversation.
“Since Jamsey was a baby.”
“Wow! Do you have a lot of clients?”
“Not many. Some regulars over the years.” Again, Grandma seems dismissive, like she’s concentrating, or thinking of something else entirely. “Turn.”
April turns and looks around the shop. It’s not fancy. A flower-pattern pink sofa on one wall, the check-out counter on the other. A reupholstered chair on a plain mauve rug in the middle of the small space. All the walls have been recently painted smoky grey. The door to the back is open, and April can see the attached warehouse behind this lobby. There are four or five racks of clothes, mostly dresses, and a grey steel desk. On the desk is a larger-than-needed safe, which seems to be sticking out of the corner wall. April turns again to face the front window, which seems small for a retail shop.
“Okay, you’re done. I can have this ready by Tuesday,” Grandma seems satisfied with the time frame and nods.
“Thank you again. I’m so happy! I’ll be all set for Friday evening now, thanks to you. James and I owe you big time!”
“James already owes me,” Grandma replies.
Kathy: sounds like a great nature/plant vocab story that I will one day share with my granddaughter!
DeleteHave fun writing!
Ahhh, Jennifer, love getting a bit more of this scene... and love that I get the sense that something -- something bigger than this dress -- is going on. Grandma is not a sweet little old lady as she appears, maybe? A hint at something suspicious is done nicely from this little line: "April turns again to face the front window, which seems small for a retail shop."
DeleteAnd the last little zinger. Yeah, that. This seems like a fun piece with hints of both comedy and dark. Interested to hear more about what it IS. Love. Keep going!
Thank you! I’m working on it!
DeleteLove how you've introduced Grandma: asking for the money up front; the short, no nonsense answers to April's question; the use of the familiar "Jamesey"; the single word command, "turn"; and that great last line. Nicely done.
DeleteDo you want me to see a large warehouse attached to the back of this little shop? If so, great. If not, maybe something like "storeroom" would be better.
OK. What the heck is a "Stabby Cat finger grip?"
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DeleteKathy, thanks for the feedback! Yes, plowing forward without knowing much on this one. Vomit, vomit, vomit. We shall see. But I am already invested in the characters so hopefully, 40 pages in is enough to keep me going.
ReplyDeleteI love the charming conceit (is that what it's called?) you have going here between animal and plant (and as a plant lover, my brain goes right there to the joke/pun of it all... seems like it would be a wonderful one to illustrate as well with anthropomorphic drawings and bright colors.... AHHHHH.... I really don't have any constructive criticism for you, not being a PB writer myself. As you recall, I've had Josh Funk hosting the past two summers and he's done some wonderful posts on PB writing, e.g. here: http://ghpolisner.blogspot.com/2017/07/friday-feedback-josh-funk-read-aloud.html so you could always read through there and see if anything pops out at you, but as far as I'm concerned, it's lovely and wonderful. Keep going!
(as always with PB entries, since they give away so much compared to a tiny excerpt of a novel, I will delete your excerpt at the end of the weekend so not to leave it out there. :) ) Keep going!
Gae,
DeleteLove June's way of dealing with her health news. And I really like the line in the end about the lessons and how she feels they aren't being used wisely. My son had saxophone lessons and played for years and while it wasn't that he would mess around, he wouldn't play and I missed that so much. So I really identify with June. She sounds like the kind of person who expects life to work in a certain way. It's going to be to see how life changes for her now with this lump. Great words.
And now another little clip from my YA fantasy novel. This scene is my MC, Red, meeting a lawyer named Mr. Arlow.
"Allow me to introduce myself," Mr. Arlow says.
"I know who you are."
"You know me as your mailman but today I am Mr. Arlow attorney." He hands me a business card.
The card is made out of a plastic substance that changes colors depending on how you turn it. Written across in Old English Script are the words, Trouble with vindictive witches, huntsmen or giants? Need help fighting charges of breaking and entering? Shoemaker won't pay up? Hire Alfred Arlow. Guaranteed to to keep you free or your money back. In smaller print were the words, minus a small fee.
I thrust the card back at him.
"No, keep it. If you get hungry it's edible. Tastes like bubble gum. Gretel's idea. It's a lot to take in but you must trust me because his life hangs in the balance."
"Whose life?"
"The Big Bad Wolf."
Thanks for your thoughts. Have a great Fourth of July.
Gae, I have read Josh's blog posts on PBs and he was kind enough to offer some feedback 2 years ago for me, too. (See I've been w/you for a few summers!) Makes sense to get rid of a bigger PB "chunk." I like feedback here even though no own yet seems to write PB. I get more of a reader's perspective! TY so much.
DeleteMartha: as a middle school teacher, I love a good twisted fairy tale. This one is intriguing! The Big Bad Wolf...in danger? I must see more!
ReplyDeleteHappy writing!
Martha, this DOES seem like a lot of fun!!! Clever, creative (an edible business card? I kinda want me one of those! ;)) Love the bit of wit/humor "In smaller print..." etc. Good stuff. On revision later make sure tenses match. If you're in present in the lines before, the were in that great line probably should simply be are. But small potatoes in a lot of wonderful fun. More! More! More!
ReplyDeletep.s. June's lump is not a major part of the story. Funny how from a small excerpt it seems like it is. And yes to the observation, "She sounds like the kind of person who expects life to work in a certain way." And when it doesn't. . . well, it really doesn't -- hasn't-- at all for her.
xox
Sorry to be so late to the party; I had to take a 5-hour ride for a 30 minute task.
ReplyDeleteGae, I'm quite intrigued with how you are structuring the story -- now it's 20 years after. As usual, you've given me lots to chew on as I meet a new character; I already feel like I know her. I love how you use small details: "patchy lawn" tells me so much.
Just got home at 6:00 p.m. Hope I can sneak one in here.
ReplyDelete[Back story: Michael is walking home through the woods and sees a lot of activity behind the security fence of an industrial park. He meets a guy in the woods whose shirt is covered in blood. The man gives him something that looks like a tablet computer and tells him to "destroy it; don't let them get it." The man then runs into the road and gets run down by a car, another car pulls over and picks up the body, telling Michael they will take the man to the hospital. Michael has the tablet in his coat pocket.]
“I don’t think the boy saw much, but we thought we should call.”
He calls me that a lot — the boy. Not Michael, or Mikey, or even my nephew — just “the boy.”
“Yes. We’ll be here. No problem.”
He hangs up the phone and turns to me. He looks like he’s going to yell, like I’ve purposefully done something to mess up his otherwise perfectly boring day.
“He said they haven’t had any reports of a hit and run. Nothing from the local emergency rooms, either. They’re sending an officer over to get your story. Just tell him what you saw, and let him get on with his life. — and we can get on with ours.”
The cop arrives, and I tell him what I saw. Actually, I tell him about half of what I saw. I tell him I was walking home from school. (He assumes I was walking on the road. He never asks about the woods.) I tell him I saw a guy get hit by a black car. No, I did not get the license plate number. (He never asks where the guy came from.) I tell him the other car with the blue license plate pulled over. I tell him about the four men and how they took him in a blanket and drove away. I don’t mention the helicopter.
I don’t mention the tablet.
Just came in from night out! Will read and comment in the morning, David!!! (Contacts are out. :P )
Delete
ReplyDeleteDavid, this is SO intriguing and your writing adept enough that you don't really have to give the backstory. Trust your writing. I want to read more!
As I was reading that last para, I had a wonder (and, yeah, I'm pushing more on your stuff because I know you're in the revision phase now...). It's ONLY a wonder, it may not be the thing to do at all. But I wonder how it would read if you did that last para like this (because the curtness of it actually reflects withholding…):
The cop arrives, and I tell him what I saw. Actually, I tell him about half of what I saw:
I was walking home from school (He assumes on the road, so I don’t mention the woods).
A guy got hit by a black car.
No, I didn’t get the license plate number.
The other car with the blue license plate pulled over and four men took him in a blanket and drove away.
No, I don’t mention the helicopter.
No, I don’t mention the tablet.
Can you feel a difference in the voice there? Does it work for your character and what is taking place? Does it add a certain drama? If not, TOTALLY IGNORE!!! :)
Really looking forward to reading more of this one!
Not revising; this is raw, "vomit draft" stuff on the new novel I've started.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm noticing most in your re-write is the economy of language. You're reinforcing the fact that he is holding stuff back by the use of short sentences and paragraphing. Is this what you mean? It IS something I have a hard time with on my first drafts (and second and third drafts, too).
I have such a hard time with the whole concept of "voice." :(
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