Friday Feedback with my BVFE Amy Fellner Dominy: Writing as Your Best Self

Happy Friday, all,

If you've been to Friday Feedback summers past (or are a fan of great realistic YA, MG, AND adorable laugh out loud picture books), you are no stranger to my Best Virtual Friend Ever (okay, okay, we are also friends in real life but we took on the title before we ever met!), Amy Fellner Dominy.

I love Amy's writing and stories, and I have learned so much from her over the years. So without a big unnecessary lead in from me, just know you are in awesome hands today.

Heeeere's Amy:


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I’ve been trying to write like someone else since I was twelve. 

That’s when I wrote my first novel, Thomas and the Tunnelworms. It was a direct rip off of Roald Dahl’s James and the Giant Peach. Dahl wrote widely inventive tales with oddball characters and a wacky humor that I loved and absolutely could not replicate. 

You’d think I would learn, right? But no. 

As I grew older, I fell in love with Tolkien and tried to write epic fantasy. 

Epic fail. 

I fell in awe with the world building of sci fi and dystopian novels. I read Kristin Cashore’s Graceling series and decided to create my own universe with beautiful maps and topography. 

I can’t even read a map. 

There were also attempts at poetic, lyrical writing over the years. Countless times when I would set down a literary novel and pick up my laptop trying to channel beauty through my short, stubby fingers. (Including, by the way, every time I read one of Gae’s novels.)

No go. 

A few years ago, I read Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn and decided that I, too, could write twisty plots that would make reader’s gasp in shock. 

Turns out, not so much. 

Mysteries and spy thrillers were also attempted with the same results.

I finally came to my senses this year and I owe it to Delia Owens’ Where the Crawdads Sing.  The descriptions of the setting are so beautiful I wanted to craft something one tenth as perfect. 

And it hit me that I never would. Writing descriptive passages has never come easy for me—no matter how much I’ve worked on it over the years. So why was I spending so much energy and time over the years trying to match the strengths of other authors—and failing. Maybe what I needed to do was to figure out what I’m good at.

The truth is we all have strengths and weaknesses. The trick is figuring out what they are and building on our writing strengths while minimizing our weaknesses. 

Here’s what I discovered about me:

Weaknesses (Things I struggle to write): World building. Lyrical writing. Poetry. Intricate plots. Large casts. Fantasies. Descriptions. 

Strengths (Things I like to write): Contemporary stories. Realistic fiction. Teen stories. The emotional, inner musings of characters. Dialogue. Humor. Romance. Small casts. 

So, what if I wrote a book and focused on my strengths? I could write about the inner world of a few characters and their conflicts. I could sprinkle in a few laughs and a few kisses. I could have a ton of dialogue and never tell you what a single sunset looked like. 

And that’s exactly what I did with Announcing Trouble, my newest book that hits shelves on August 5^th.  It was the most fun I’ve had writing in a very long time. Announcing Trouble is a contemporary teen story full of romance, humor and heart. And along with teen books, I’m also writing funny picture books that are all dialogue. 

Finally, I’m measuring up to the highest ideal of them all: My best self. 

☺

Now it’s your turn to ask yourself the same questions. What do you most like to write? Where do your strengths lie? Here’s a simple way to help you figure out the answer:

When you look through your WIP, what is your favorite scene and why? 

It just might reflect a strength of yours. 

Today, I’d love you to share that passage with the rest of us. Also, tell us why it’s your favorite—why was it fun to write? Is there a truth in there you can build upon in your own writing? 

We all admire other authors and that’s a great thing. But it’s when we allow our own unique strengths and voice to shine that we do our best work. 

So here’s the scene I’d like to share with you. It’s a passage from Announcing Trouble.  First a little about the book: 

I may know everything there is to know about baseball, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Or like him. Garrett Reeves: sidelined player and the embodiment of everything I’ve learned to hate about baseball. He’s gorgeous, he’s cocky, he’s laser-focused on getting back in the game, no matter the cost.

When he convinces me to call games alongside him, our chemistry heats up the booth. We’re good together, whether I want to admit it or not. I’m finding that I like baseball again, but even worse, I’m liking Garrett. A lot.

But when he has to decide between our future and a new shot at his dreams, I know baseball will win out every time. 

Disclaimer: This Entangled Teen Crush book has tons of hilarious banter, lots of sexual tension, and a hero who will throw a wild pitch right at your heart. 

 (And, Amy won't say it, so I will! Please preorder Announcing Trouble and/or check out all of Amy's other wonderful books!!)

And now, here's my scene for feedback (if you're not familiar with the RULES please read them there first!):

“We can win this thing, Walters. I mean, how can we lose? I’m charming and insightful, and you understand the nuances of the game. Plus, you’re a girl.” 

I blink in disbelief. “That’s what I bring to this team? I’m a girl.” 

“It’s a bonus. Sets us apart. How many others will have a girl who knows her shit the way you do?” His head tilts as he studies me. “Especially one who’s so pretty.” 

My jaw drops. “Am I supposed to be flattered? Because that’s incredibly sexist, not to mention patronizing and...” 

“Demeaning?” he adds helpfully.
  He laughs. “It’s just an observation. Right now our camera is fixed on the field, but there might be opportunity for video, too. And you have nice eyes. Except when you frown and you get these weird slash marks between your eyes.” He points. “Yeah. Like those. I love the vintage tees, but your sandals are hideous. We’ll cut those out of our publicity photo.” 

“Publicity photo?”


“We need to submit it with our game tape.”


It’s all I can do not to scream. “There is going to be no game tape. I’m not saying yes.”


“Because I don’t like your sandals?”


“Leave my sandals out of this!”


“That’s my point exactly.” His eyes gleam. “See, we’re already in agreement.”

Looking forward to reading your excerpts in the comments!

- Amy (and gae)

p.s. If you’re interested in reading more, the first chapter is available on my website: amy@amydominy.com. You’ll find it HERE. I’m also starting a monthly newsletter with giveaways, excerpts and book news. If you’d to sign up, let me know in your comments. My mailing list isn’t quite set up yet, but I can add you myself. ☺   

Thanks so much to Gae for hosting me today. And thanks to you all for taking time to read this. I hope you’ll share an excerpt, too! I’ll be checking in all day and I’d love to read what you’re working on.  

Friday Feedback: A New Shiny Cover Reveal

Forgive the late posting. This was not the blog post I originally planned today. I wrote a whole 'nother one, then, as they say in THE PULL OF GRAVITY, the best laid plans got in the way.

Okay, maybe they said that somewhere else first before my debut YA. :)

Anyway, not the post I was planning, but we did the official JACK KEROUAC IS DEAD TO ME cover reveal yesterday unexpectedly, so I'm bumping everything to share that here. Now.

Isn't it pretty?!?!

If you want to read the official COVER REVEAL BLOG POST (and why Kelly Hager of KellyVision was the perfect host), you may do so HERE . . . and to read more about the book or preorder (those are good for writers!!!), you may do so here: https://www.amazon.com/Jack-Kerouac-Dead-Me-Novel/dp/125031223X, (although the BEST place to preorder is via your local indie and/or brick and mortar.

Or, heck, preorder through one of my favorite indies -- and endeavors -- THE BRAIN LAIR BOOKSTORE <--- p="" there.="">
Anyway, I'm excited about this book I started nearly a decade ago (!!!) and hope you all love it when it arrives on shelves everywhere in April 2020.

Now, without further ado, FRIDAY FEEDBACK. If you haven't been here before, please take a moment to read THE RULES.

My share is a moment in my continuing WIP ("Work in Progress") which right now appears to be adult literary fiction. It is completely unedited or reread. A true first "Vomit Draft." Last week we met Paul at "Twenty Three Years Later." For the moment, this is the first time we meet June.

Twenty years later.

June

June Sobel sits at the living room window, across from the piano, and stares out at the patchy lawn. She’s not thinking about the small lump her OBGYN found in her breast yesterday morning, or about the biopsy she has to go in for next week. She’s thinking about Gabriel and the time he explained chord progressions to her, a moment that comes back to her lately, again and again.

“Since there are only so many chord progressions to choose from,” he’d told her, “you can’t protect them, or accuse other people of stealing them.” 

He’d been sitting at the piano, then, absentmindedly fiddling with the last two high-pitched keys, to the point where she’d lost her patience, annoyed at the repetition. It was a Saturday morning and she was enjoying her tea, and it infuriated her the way he’d do that, play nothing at all, or worse, something aggravating just to get on her nerves. After all those lessons, he was more than capable of playing something beautiful.

----

See you in the comments!

- gae

Friday Feedback: Endings and Beginnings . . . and Perspective.

Me, slightly filtered, last month
on my 54th birthday

Dearest Teachers Write campers,

< - - -  This is me. Here I am. The two -- or more -- of us together once again.

As I noted on my Friday Feedback facebook page, this will be the last Friday Feedback that is part of the #TeachersWrite program.

This was not my decision. In fact, I'm a rather loyal sort, and have loved every minute of Teachers Write, and so this particular ending has left me a tad bit heartbroken.

In my original draft of this post, I shared my version of what happened, but on second thought decided real life is the only proper place for these conversations.

Suffice it to say, that Friday Feedback existed before Teachers Write, and if I choose -- and you all beg accordingly ;) -- I could always continue it.

Meanwhile, I move forward with deep gratitude for the last six summers with Teachers Write. Being part of this endeavor that grew and grew, and meeting all of you, many IRL through the years, has been one of the greatest highlights of my published life.

And, now -- hooray!! -- on with FRIDAY FEEDBACK. If you haven't participated before, please make sure you read the RULES.

So, since today is sort of an ending, I thought, "Hmmm, what if I went back to the beginning. . ." So I went to the archives of my blog searching for my first Friday Feedback post from 2010 (!!!)

What I wrote back then about why I decided to start such a feature on my blog, still holds true for me today:

"Why am I so excited about this? Writers often write in a vacuum. As such, you’ll often hear us commenting that we have no idea if something we’ve written is great, or if it’s crap. I mean, you’d think we’d know, but sometimes, honestly, we just don’t. Sometimes, the chasm of doubt we stare down is that gaping and wide. 

If you don’t believe me, here’s a quote I love from an interview with one of my all-time favorite authors William Goldman . . . : 

“One of the things I love to do when I work with young writers is to disabuse them of the notion that I know what I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing. . . as we are speaking, I am looking at my computer, tearing out my hair, thinking, well, is this horrible, or is this going to work? I don't know. Storytelling is always tricky."

And guess what, folks, nearly eight years and three more books -- almost four -- later, and, yeah, I still don't know what I'm doing. I mean there's a gut thing, sure, and some skill honed, but in the end, for me, it's mostly the knowledge I can write, the understanding that I will have to dig down and revise over and over again, and one giant leap of faith.

Now for those who follow me on twitter or facebook, you may know I've been steeped in a pretty rough round of revisions for my next book JACK KEROUAC IS DEAD TO ME (St. Martins/Wednesday Books 2020).

So imagine my humor and delight when I opened that 8-year-old post to see that the very excerpt I had shared for feedback was none other than the then-opening of a manuscript I stated, "bears the working title, Jack Kerouac is Dead to Me."

And imagine my fading humor and delight as I read my old words and suddenly wondered if I liked them way better than the opening I've been working with for years now.**

Hilarious, right?

via GIPHY

Here was that opening. YOU may be the judge when I share today's opening below:

"The butterflies arrived on a Saturday, but I waited till Sunday to open them since I needed Max’s help with the greenhouse. It was late April, and I had been dating Max Gordon a few weeks by then, but that particular day stuck with me because of how he built the greenhouse, and also because of what Aubrey had said. "

Here's the thing, the reasons I started Friday Feedback back then, still hold relevant today. We write in a vacuum. We overwrite. We over-revise. We get too close. We have no idea.

It helps to have someone chime in.

My beautiful, kind, talented friend, Nora
who I'd be lost without. . . 

When all of this unfolded, I did what we do. We look outside of the vacuum, and so I called Nora. I told her the story, then whimpered for help.

"I have no perspective anymore," I whined to her.

"It's this business," she said. "A writer friend once told me early on, 'Once you've been published, you never write the same again.' This always stuck with me. The trick is to write like you're never going to be published."

We both sighed. Of course we're both so grateful to be published, but for better or worse, it's a freedom neither of us has anymore. At least not without working hard to find our way back there. . .

But you do, friends. And so often it's viewed only as a hurdle, but not a freedom -- to write without constraints, perceived notions. To write within fear of the boxes you feel you must fit into. 

To simply explore your own voice.

To trust your instincts, and write forward.

And right now, you do.

So, enjoy the process and write forward.

Keep going.

All of those glorious things.

And now, my excerpt. The current opening of JACK KEROUAC:

Dearest Aubrey,

I’ve started this letter three times now, but each place I begin feels wrong. I get lost in the memories and my thoughts lose their way, and I have to start over again.

As hard as it is to find my way in, I know I need to try. I have to figure out why things happened the way they did between us, how we ended up hating each other so much. How we hurt each other the way we did.

Sometimes, I miss you so badly I can’t breathe, then I break down in tears, or get so mad at you I wonder why I even care if you hear me out, or understand. But, in my heart, I know why. It’s this simple: I need you to understand because you were the one person who always did.

So, maybe I’ll start a few months ago, in early spring, when the tropical butterflies arrived. That’s when everything changed, when things really went downhill.

I promise you this, Aubrey, everything I write is the truth, to the best of my ability to recount things. Both the good and the bad that led up to me leaving in the middle of the night. There’s so much you don’t know -- both the best parts, and the ugliest parts of what happened.

The last brutal part that nobody can ever know, except you, now, here.

Ugh, I was about to rip this up again and start over, or maybe scrap it altogether, but a butterfly just landed on the railing in front of me: Pontia Protodice, Common Checkered White, subtropical. We don’t get them there in New York.

It’s not that it’s such a special butterfly, rather just a small white thing with two black squares on the back of its wings. “False eyes,” they call them. They’re there to trick predators away. But, that’s the thing, Aubrey: think what you want, I don’t have false eyes. I did the best I could with Max, with Mom, with everything.

People think butterflies are solitary creatures by nature, because we see them so often on their own, flitting over a meadow, stopping to steal nectar from the throat of a flower, before moving on. Even this one, here, now, on this railing, is all alone.

But the truth is different. Butterflies are social by nature. They cluster when they are able to because they know there is safety in numbers.

You were always my best friend, Aubrey. My safety.

I hope you will understand.

***

With much love,

Gae

** p.s. In a panic, I wrote Nora with the blog post and the two beginnings. . . and I'll reveal what she wrote -- her "Friday Feedback" -- on Sunday in the comments. ;) 

***p.p.s. I have two different giveaways going on on my facebook author page for IN SIGHT OF STARS. Check them out HERE!

***p.p.p.s And on 8/12 Nora, Tom Rogers and I will be hosting a facebook event, called Teaching 9/11: Bringing Our Shared History to Young(er) Readers. Join us! There will be "Lit Circle" giveaways there, too! 

Friday Feedback: Josh Funk & The DOs and DON’Ts of Rhyming Picture Books - with a *BONUS* Announcement!

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Happy Friday, all you glorious writers!!

It's time for Friday Feedback again, and we have the awesome Josh Funk returning with another stellar share on writing picture books and the "Dos and Don'ts of Rhyming." 

As if that's not enough, he has a bonus announcement, so I'll shut up and let him get going! 

Look for another giveaway of a
"lit circle set" coming soon on my
facebook author page!

***Please remember before you participate to read the RULES, and if you're not working on a picture book, that's okay, you may still participate and we will give you feedback in the comments! And if you like what we do here, please buy our books (my newest is IN SIGHT OF STARS (but you want all of them ;) ) and Josh's newest is How To Code a Sandcastle (but you want all of them!) ) and share our titles with your friends. 

If you can't buy ALL the books, ask your local library to order them in. ***

And now, without further ado, here's Josh with his picture book magic and a special announcement saved for all of us here!!!

Hey, friends! I’m psyched that Gae invited me back to Teachers Write Friday Feedback for a second year!

Josh Funk writes silly stories and somehow tricks people into publishing them as books -
such as the Lady Pancake & Sir French Toast series,
How to Code a Sandcastle (and the upcoming sequel How to Code a Rollercoaster), ​It's Not Jack and the Beanstalk, Dear Dragon, Albie Newton, Pirasaurs! and more!!!

You may remember that last summer I discussed the importance of considering the read aloud-ability of the picture book. I also shared a portion of a manuscript called It’s Not Hansel and Gretel (a follow-up to my 2017 book It’sNot Jack and the Beanstalk). 

More on that in a bit. *wink* 

This year, I’d like to discuss Rhyming Picture Books.

In the coming months, my 8th (Lost in the Library on 8.28) and 9th (Lady Pancake & Sir French Toast #3: Mission Defrostable on 9.25) picture books will be released (both available for pre-order now ...). Of those nine books, seven of them are written in rhyme.

You may have heard that rhyming picture books are frowned upon within the industry. However, as an educator, you’ve probably noticed that there are still lots of new picture books released every year that are written in rhyme. So what’s the deal?

The simple answer is that it’s hard to write in rhyme - or in other words, it’s easy to write bad rhyme. And agents and editors see lots and lots and LOTS of bad rhyme, which is what gives all rhyme the negative stigma.

But why is it so hard to write good rhyming picture books? My theory is that there are a LOT of mistakes you can make along the way - very few DOs and a plethora of DON’Ts: Here’s a short(ish) list of tips to get you thinking*:

DO remember that the most important aspect of a rhyming picture book is not the rhyme, or even the rhythm. The most important aspect of a rhyming picture book is that it has a good story.

DO know that rhythm is more difficult to master than rhyme. Any first grader can rhyme. But creating a rhythm that all readers will read correctly, regardless of accent, without having ever read or heard the words before - that is very difficult and can take years of practice.

DON’T expect your rhyming picture picture book to be translated into other languages. If it rhymes in English, it isn’t likely to rhyme in Spanish. Or Mandarin. Or Klingon.

DON’T say that your manuscript rhymes in your query letter to agents - it will only give them a reason to stop reading before they get to the actual story.

DON’T force yourself to study poetry. I love poetry, but the truth is, you don’t need to know anything about iambic septameter or how many metrical feet are in your manuscript. You just have to craft it so the reader can read (and perform) it well.

DON’T commit the following examples of Rhyme Crime:

• Simple, Everyday, Cliche Rhyme: “My cat ate my hat, well look at that.”

• Near Rhyme: “I see a staple, it’s right on the table.” 

• Forced Rhyme: “I opened my giant umbrella. It’s raining, I said to that fella.”

• Regional Rhyme/Rhythm: “In England, you see lots of rain. But I’m in the U.S. again.”

• Seussian Rhyme: “Dr. Seuss was Dr. Seuss, and nobody else can do that shlamboose.”

• Yoda Rhyme: “It’s raining and wet. In the car, I must get.”

DON’T give up. I believe that anyone can write in rhyme if they’re willing to put in the time and get the proper feedback.

* Of course, these are only my opinions. You’re welcome to disagree. And you’re likely to find many examples of published books that go against these DOs and DON’Ts, perhaps even examples from my own books.

And with that, this IS Friday Feedback, so for your feedback, I’d like to share a portion of an untitled future (hopefully) Lady Pancake & Sir French Toast rhyming picture book manuscript, in which, after several adventures and who knows how many days/weeks/years of sitting in a fridge, our main characters begin to start feeling their moldy old age... As Gae warned above, please READ THE RULES first if you've never participated before.

Also, since picture books have a minimum of words, sharing here for that format (vs a middle grade, YA or adult work in progress) means sharing a substantial part of your text which then puts it out in the world. . .  As such, at the end of the weekend, Gae will be redacting the comments with substantial picture books excerpts (leaving my feedback up for you to return to whenever you need).

Okay, so here we go!

[Page 8-9]

Baron Von Waffle said, “Yup. You look gruesome.

I’ve never seen such a hideous twosome.”

Inspector Croissant said, “But wait! There’s a cure!

Check out Professor Garbanzo’s brochure!”

[brochure]

Starting to mildew or curdle or crumble?

Don’t sit around and complain, pout, and grumble!

Try out my patented DE-spoiling ray!

Feel fresh again. Come and visit today!

[Page 10-11]

Off to Professor Garbanzo’s they strode.

Down to her lab on Falafel Ball Road.

“Greetings!” she said as she tightened a gear.

“Here for despoiling? Terrific! Sit here!”

Nervously, Pancake and Toast buckled in.

Garbanzo gave one tiny knob a quick spin.

[Page 12-13]

With whooshes and whistles, a spark and a blast

The despoiling ray shot a laser at last!

“Where did they go?” Waffle asked through the smoke.

“Right over here!” a falsetto voice spoke.

Inspector Croissant asked, “Who said that? A ghost?”

[Page 14-15]

“I’m Mini Miss Pancake.” “I’m Squire French Toast!”

I appreciate any and all feedback you’ve got.

(Regarding the pagination, I’d plan for this book to be the same length (40 pages) as the previous books in the Lady Pancake & Sir French Toast series with 16 full spreads. For more information on lengths of picture books, see Debbie Ohi’s post explaining how 40 page self-endedpicture books work)

Oh, and now for that *BONUS* Announcement:

In part due to all of the wonderful feedback you gave me last year (thank you very much, FF-ers!), It’s Not Hansel and Gretel is becoming a book. And here today, as part of Friday Feedback and #TeachersWrite, I’m pleased to reveal the cover:

Illustrated brilliantly once again by Edwardian Taylor, It’s Not Hansel and Gretel will be released on March 1st, 2019 - and is available for pre-order now!

Thanks again for having me and for reading! I look forward to reading your manuscript excerpts.

xox Josh -- and gae!

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**For more information about Josh Funk, visit him at www.joshfunkbooks.com and on Twitter at @joshfunkbooks.