Coping with Grief and Gaining Empathy Through Story and the Lens of History

Almost unfathomably, this September 11th marks a staggering 20 years since many of us watched in horror as the iconic twin towers fell, and our nation was under attack. As many adults still work to process the shock and trauma of that day, students not yet born in 2001, grow ever more removed from the event, lacking understanding, even as they weather devastating shared traumas of their own: Mass shootings and gun drills, political unrest, and, yes, a pandemic, and the impact of the isolation of quarantine. How do we teach children to cope with such overwhelming trauma, gaining empathy and even hope through the lens of history?

One of the answers is, and has always been, story.

It is well documented that story – especially via literary fiction -- builds empathy and understanding far better than text or nonfiction ever could. Stepping into story, and the metaphorical shoes of children their own age, to "witness" that tragic day and the days after, to feel with their own hearts how we rose from grief as a nation -- as well as changed in both good and bad ways -- is one of the most instructive ways for children today to learn to cope with their ongoing grief.

For the past five years since I wrote my fictional account of two young adults, Kyle and the bird girl, persevering through the trauma of 9/11, not to mention their own personal grief and coming of age, I have visited many schools and met countless readers ages 12 – 18 who have shared how this one little story has changed their perception and helped them to understand. Readers have voiced not only a new understanding of the actual timeline of events that day, but of how important research and source and fact checking are, or how sweeping changes in technology, security and privacy took place, or how the scourge of Islamophobia took a real and dangerous foothold in our country in the aftermath.

As one student recently admitted, “I learned how horrible it was. I used to think it wasn’t that big of a deal, but now I understand.”

Comprehending the value, and necessity, of teaching 9/11, departments of education around the country, including New York, New Jersey, and Virginia have developed 9/11 curriculum, often pairing it with Holocaust teachings. Both those traumatic events in our shared history are often associated with the easy catchphrase “Never forget.” And yet, we’ve begun to. And must not. ____ To learn more about my books, and two wonderful middle grade choices, and how to bring any or all of these stories to your classrooms, you may also watch this brief video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-P7fOXdwjNM&t=19s or reach out to me at g.polisner@gmail.com. To never forget, #ReadAndRemember

9/11, Pandemic & Shared Trauma: Coping with History through Story

This September 11th marks a staggering 20 years since many of us watched in horror as the iconic twin towers fell, and our nation was under attack. Many of us still grieve the shock and trauma of that day even while students in desks become ever more removed, not yet born in 2001, and, thus, without any first-hand understanding.

Now those students are experiencing shared trauma of their own: constant gun drills and mass shootings, political unrest, and, yes, even quarantine and a pandemic.


How do we cope with such trauma? How do we find new understanding through the lens of history?

One answer is STORY.

It is now well documented that story -- especially via literary fiction -- builds empathy and understanding far better than text or nonfiction ever could. Stepping into story, and the metaphorical shoes of children their own age, to "witness" that day and the days after, to feel with their own hearts how we rose from grief as a nation -- as well as changed in both good and bad ways -- is one of the most instructive ways for children today to also learn to cope with their ongoing grief, as well as to learn our true history including the good and the ugly changes that have occurred in our country since.

Nora Raleigh Baskin's award-winning NINE, TEN: A SEPTEMBER 11 STORY; Tom Rogers' ELEVEN (both for ages 9-12) and my award-winning THE MEMORY OF THINGS (ages 12+) are all stories about growing up, coping with tragedy, and so much more, each set against the unforgettable terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001.

Watch this brief video, share it with friends and colleagues, and invite us into your classrooms to help you help your readers step into that moment and truly understand.


To never forget, #ReadAndRemember

Reach out to me on social media @gaepol or email @g.polisner@gmail.com

What If Girls Were Taught to Lift One Another Better From an Early Age?

 

What if girls lifted girls?

Might everything be different?

This simple question has plagued me for a long, long time.

In high school, I was badly bullied by other girls. In repeat instances.  I was threatened, physically harmed and slut-shamed before I'd ever even "lost" my virginity. For two years of high school, I lived in daily terror.

To this day, I honestly don't know why.

Were they jealous? 

Did I appear too self-confident or aloof?* 

Was I unwittingly cruel to them first? 

Did I play a role in my own torture? Did they, too, play a role in their own simultaneous pain?

You can read more about that if you'd like to know the specifics HERE.  

**I'm also making the original Google Doc I drafted for that feature public with this link and invite you or your readers to have a conversation with me about all of this any time with me there. **

Some of the girls who were cruelest to me are lovely, kind women now. Perhaps a few are not. One of them is dead. I wept, not celebrated, when I learned of this. Of course. Of course. It only cemented what I believe, my best guess as to why girl-on-girl cruelty perpetuates itself, decade after decade:

We were all suffering, and being cruel to me helped them avoid their own insecurities and pain.

Sometimes, when I see photos of teen me,
my heart breaks for me

But what is the source of those insecurities? What if WE -- girls, women -- had a LOT of power in reducing and undermining those insecurities and pain?

I've been reading and thinking a lot about Evan Rachel Wood these days, and her brutal painful story. Maybe I read something that triggered the connection, about women blaming her, but I can't stop thinking about the connection to my book JACK KEROUAC IS DEAD TO ME and what I was hoping to say by that story.

Let me first state unequivocally, that what happened to Wood and seemingly many others, is the fault of a man, of men, of a system of patriarchy and toxic masculinity, and what we continue to allow men to get away with. Period. End of story.

And.

I know, I know. How is there an "and" after you said, "end of story?"

Because. Because two seemingly contradictory things can exist and be true at the same time. They can.

So.

And:

Whatever the book jacket for JACK KEROUAC IS DEAD TO ME says, to me, it is a story about girls judging girls, girls not standing up for girls, and what often happens when they don't.

It's about a story about an insecure, scared teen girl turning wholly to a boy who isn't particularly good for her when her best friend deserts her.

When the other girls around her judge her and turn their backs. Kudos to the Booklist reviewer who got this in their review when they wrote, "Perfect for readers who love coming-of-age stories and who understand the value of female community."

Yes. YES!!! That.

There is value -- and, more than that, huge POWER -- in the female community.

Girls need girls.

Women need women.

And too often we still fail to lift one another up and support one another.

I know this because I talk to teen girls all the time. They tell me how they are judged, bullied, deserted by other girls. I ask the question when I visit schools. We talk. Or they listen.

It's always the same: Those who are bullied cast their eyes down.

Those who do the bullying cast their eyes away.

I see this over and over again. And I always implore them: "You don't have to be friends, but support one another. You don't have to hang out. Just don't tear one another down."

I don't tell people what my book is about. That is up to the individual reader, of course. The book jacket says what it says. People will take from the story what they take. And very few even know the book exists.

But if you read it with your daughters, have a conversation.

If you read it with your students, have a conversation. If you want to have a conversation with me, we can also have one HERE.

I can't help but think how our lives might be different in the face of this one simple change.

Because of my relationship with girls -- because of the harm girls did to me in middle school and high school, and, yes, into college -- I put all my efforts during those years into relationships with men: friendships and otherwise. Because. Because.

A self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts.

My truth is, it took me well into my forties before I trusted women again, until I allowed myself to find any value in those relationships at all. To trust female friendship.

For sure, I am the better for it.

My female friends are beyond important to me. They lift and buoy me.

And I trust I am worthy of them in return.

I believe women's lives - and our willingness to speak up in the face of bad relationships, and, yes, abuse - might be very different if girls and women learned to support one another better from an early age.

We still do not.

At least, too often, we do not.

I know this from personal experience. Still. To this day. And I believe our lives would be very different if we could.

This was also posted to MEDIUM.COM

p.s. Please note that JACK KEROUAC IS DEAD TO ME is upper YA/crossover to adult. The book contains language and sexual situations. * Yes, this is something someone told my dad once. Read that again. I appeared too self-confident and aloof. Those two things could not be further from the truth of how I felt.

Back to School: THE BEST LAID PLANS . . . Bringing THE PULL OF GRAVITY into your classroom

Back to School? Teach OF MICE AND MEN?

Looking for a contemporary companion?

BRIDGING THE GAP BETWEEN THE PULL OF GRAVITY AND OF MICE AND MEN:   People often ask why I incorporated John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men into my contemporary young adult novel, The Pull of Gravity. The short answer is that it was part intention, and part serendipity.

The Pull of Gravity follows teens Nick Gardner and Jaycee Amato who, armed only with the wisdom of Yoda, a rare first-edition copy of Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men, and the vaguest of plans, embark on a secret road trip to try to keep a promise to the Scoot, their dying friend.

With the words “vaguest of plans,” those familiar with Of Mice & Men will already recognize a glaring connection between the works: In both stories, plans go awry, and, in the course of the unraveling, Nick and Jaycee (like Lennie and George) learn some valuable, if at times painful, life lessons.

Intention vs. serendipity.

When I started writing The Pull of Gravity, I knew first and foremost that I wanted to write a character-driven piece, the ilk of which I read as a kid from the likes of Zindel, Blume, Konigsburg. To me, character-driven means that the characters are *the* reason you want to know the story, and not the other way around, with the plot driving the story. As Nick and Jaycee formed on the page, I thought, ‘how better to see if Jaycee is as persuasive and intriguing as I want her to be (and the chemistry between the two teens as real as I hope), than by seeing if she can *sell* the merits of an often-taught work of classic literature to Nick, a 15-yr old boy.’ Hence, the muse-driven idea of incorporating a classic novel into my debut was born.

But which piece of classic literature to choose? That is where intention factored in, and the connections between The Pull of Gravity and Of Mice and Men began to take shape.

Why Of Mice and Men?

The main reason I chose Of Mice and Men was for the theme of friendship that reverberates through it. Indeed, the ending of Of Mice and Men may contain the ultimate act of friendship to be found in modern literature. Likewise, friendship is the main theme in The Pull of Gravity. Nick and Jaycee need each other, and their friendship buoys them through a time of change, heartache and pain.

I’ve also attempted to keep some structural similarities between the pieces. Of Mice & Men is a short work of fiction – a novella at 107 pages. George and Lennie’s story takes place over a mere four days. They set out on a Thursday and the story concludes on a Sunday.

While The Pull of Gravity is a longer work at 208 pages, the time frame of the story is brief, and the main part of Nick and Jaycee’s journey, to wit, their time in Rochester, NY, also unfolds Thursday through Sunday.

When I go into classrooms, I love to talk to students about how Steinbeck was able to create so much empathy for, and connection to, his characters in the space of so little time (and so few words) – the reader gets to know George and Lennie and, more importantly, to care about them, in not much more than a mere breath.

Similarly, Nick and Jaycee’s relationship unfolds quickly; they become important to one another – and, I hope to the reader— over a brief period.

Other Common Themes

- The American Dream (“Everybody Wants a Place of their Own”). Both The Pull of Gravity and Of Mice and Men deal with the desire to attain the American Dream: work that is bearable (if not more) and a small patch of land that feels like home. In The Pull of Gravity, Nick’s father is unable to attain this goal, to balance metropolitan career aspirations with his family’s move to the suburbs, which is one of the failures that spurs the main action of the book. Similarly, Jaycee is relegated to her mother’s new husband’s gaudy house, and, moreso, to the fluffy pink bedroom of the new husband’s daughter that will never feel like home.

Disability. 

Of Mice and Men illuminates the prejudices suffered by Lennie because of his mental disability, but also the challenges for George, his friend, in trying to care for him. In The Pull of Gravity, the Scoot has a physical, rather than mental, disability, and while he doesn’t suffer the direct prejudices Lennie does, Nick – just like George with Lennie – grapples with his role as a loyal friend versus obligated caretaker. Of course, ultimately, his love and loyalty shine.

Loss & Loneliness. 

The Pull of Gravity opens with this quote from Of Mice and Men:

“Lennie broke in. ‘But not us! An’ why? Because…because I got you to look after me, and you got me to look after you, and that’s why.’ He laughed delightedly.”

This quote epitomizes the friendship theme that resonates through both stories. Without each other, George and Lennie have no one. Similarly, Jaycee and Nick experience a lack of fitting in, connecting, feeling grounded in their own lives, until they find one another.

Of course, the counters to friendship are loneliness and loss, and these themes also run through both stories. George and Lennie have suffered loss when we first meet them, and, once at the farm, there is the loss of Candy’s dog, of Lennie’s puppy, of Curly’s wife, and ultimately each other. In The Pull of Gravity Nick, Jaycee and the Scoot all suffer loss (whether temporary or permanent), of family structure, of innocence, and of friendship. It is a bond they have in common and that, ultimately, brings them closer together.

*this 2011 essay written with the generous assistance of Paul W. Hankins.

Maybe Your Students Need More Stories About Mental HEALTH

(adapted from an article I wrote on Linked In)
As we get ready to send our children, our adolescents, our teens and young adults, back into the classroom, it's time to think about those fall stressors, what each child is dealing with at home, in their personal lives, plus the pressures they face, perhaps, from the kid sitting next to them, or waiting for them down the hall.
Knowing this, knowing how many of our teens, especially, are suffering these days, many educators will encourage them to read books about mental illness. There are long lists of such books, many of them great, compelling stories, many award-winners, but how often I wish these stories reflected less about mental illness and more about mental HEALTH.

In fact, IMHO, some of the most famous of these books seem to glamorize mental illness and/or suicide in problematic ways. In these stories, the adults are rarely helpful and rarely very present at all.

In the face of rising natural, and unnatural, disasters, there's an oft-quoted Mr. Rogers' line, "Look for the helpers," but so often in these stories our kids read, the helpers, quite frankly, just aren't very good. They really don't seem to care much. They don't have much skill.

When I sign copies of STARS, I often include
a replica of Sister Agnes Teresa's ladder up.
Because who doesn't need a ladder up sometimes? 

I wondered why this was. . . and, as I wrote and shaped IN SIGHT OF STARS and realized my protagonist, Klee, was in a bad way and needed help, I wanted to present the other side, the side I have been lucky enough to experience -- from my high school guidance counselor who offered me a safe haven through all of junior and senior year, through some of the extraordinary therapists who have helped me and my family through some of our roughest times, their roughest times, as I raised my kids.

That is Dr. Alvarez, a character modeled largely on a real therapist, a true and extraordinary helper who patiently works with Klee until he is ready to participate in his own healing during his stay at an in-patient rehab facility in a fictional town in upstate NY.
Therapists can be like shoes -- it often takes several tryings on before you find one that fits, find one that is comfortable, the right size and style for you. But they are out there, and I'm hungry for them to be fully reflected in books for teens.

Similarly, I'm anxious for the use of psychotropic medications, where needed, to be positively reflected in young adult stories, which is to say, they don't change who a person is, or undermine their ability to be creative -- If they are, perhaps that person is on the wrong medication for them, or the wrong dosage. My experience with such medications is they simply allow the person to function more typically, as themselves, by quieting or taking the edge off atypical and problematic body chemistry.
In IN SIGHT OF STARS, Klee needs the help of medication for the time being, and may not need those medications in the near future.

Yes, there is language in the story. YES, there are intense situations. Have you seen what our kids are privy to these days? Have you met any of our teens?
Look, all I know is our kids need help and support ,and if you want them to feel safe seeking it out, share stories with them where the help HELPS. Because it can, and does.

I promise, it can and does.

- gae

Friday Feedback with my BVFE Amy Fellner Dominy: Writing as Your Best Self

Happy Friday, all,

If you've been to Friday Feedback summers past (or are a fan of great realistic YA, MG, AND adorable laugh out loud picture books), you are no stranger to my Best Virtual Friend Ever (okay, okay, we are also friends in real life but we took on the title before we ever met!), Amy Fellner Dominy.

I love Amy's writing and stories, and I have learned so much from her over the years. So without a big unnecessary lead in from me, just know you are in awesome hands today.

Heeeere's Amy:


-->

I’ve been trying to write like someone else since I was twelve. 

That’s when I wrote my first novel, Thomas and the Tunnelworms. It was a direct rip off of Roald Dahl’s James and the Giant Peach. Dahl wrote widely inventive tales with oddball characters and a wacky humor that I loved and absolutely could not replicate. 

You’d think I would learn, right? But no. 

As I grew older, I fell in love with Tolkien and tried to write epic fantasy. 

Epic fail. 

I fell in awe with the world building of sci fi and dystopian novels. I read Kristin Cashore’s Graceling series and decided to create my own universe with beautiful maps and topography. 

I can’t even read a map. 

There were also attempts at poetic, lyrical writing over the years. Countless times when I would set down a literary novel and pick up my laptop trying to channel beauty through my short, stubby fingers. (Including, by the way, every time I read one of Gae’s novels.)

No go. 

A few years ago, I read Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn and decided that I, too, could write twisty plots that would make reader’s gasp in shock. 

Turns out, not so much. 

Mysteries and spy thrillers were also attempted with the same results.

I finally came to my senses this year and I owe it to Delia Owens’ Where the Crawdads Sing.  The descriptions of the setting are so beautiful I wanted to craft something one tenth as perfect. 

And it hit me that I never would. Writing descriptive passages has never come easy for me—no matter how much I’ve worked on it over the years. So why was I spending so much energy and time over the years trying to match the strengths of other authors—and failing. Maybe what I needed to do was to figure out what I’m good at.

The truth is we all have strengths and weaknesses. The trick is figuring out what they are and building on our writing strengths while minimizing our weaknesses. 

Here’s what I discovered about me:

Weaknesses (Things I struggle to write): World building. Lyrical writing. Poetry. Intricate plots. Large casts. Fantasies. Descriptions. 

Strengths (Things I like to write): Contemporary stories. Realistic fiction. Teen stories. The emotional, inner musings of characters. Dialogue. Humor. Romance. Small casts. 

So, what if I wrote a book and focused on my strengths? I could write about the inner world of a few characters and their conflicts. I could sprinkle in a few laughs and a few kisses. I could have a ton of dialogue and never tell you what a single sunset looked like. 

And that’s exactly what I did with Announcing Trouble, my newest book that hits shelves on August 5^th.  It was the most fun I’ve had writing in a very long time. Announcing Trouble is a contemporary teen story full of romance, humor and heart. And along with teen books, I’m also writing funny picture books that are all dialogue. 

Finally, I’m measuring up to the highest ideal of them all: My best self. 

☺

Now it’s your turn to ask yourself the same questions. What do you most like to write? Where do your strengths lie? Here’s a simple way to help you figure out the answer:

When you look through your WIP, what is your favorite scene and why? 

It just might reflect a strength of yours. 

Today, I’d love you to share that passage with the rest of us. Also, tell us why it’s your favorite—why was it fun to write? Is there a truth in there you can build upon in your own writing? 

We all admire other authors and that’s a great thing. But it’s when we allow our own unique strengths and voice to shine that we do our best work. 

So here’s the scene I’d like to share with you. It’s a passage from Announcing Trouble.  First a little about the book: 

I may know everything there is to know about baseball, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Or like him. Garrett Reeves: sidelined player and the embodiment of everything I’ve learned to hate about baseball. He’s gorgeous, he’s cocky, he’s laser-focused on getting back in the game, no matter the cost.

When he convinces me to call games alongside him, our chemistry heats up the booth. We’re good together, whether I want to admit it or not. I’m finding that I like baseball again, but even worse, I’m liking Garrett. A lot.

But when he has to decide between our future and a new shot at his dreams, I know baseball will win out every time. 

Disclaimer: This Entangled Teen Crush book has tons of hilarious banter, lots of sexual tension, and a hero who will throw a wild pitch right at your heart. 

 (And, Amy won't say it, so I will! Please preorder Announcing Trouble and/or check out all of Amy's other wonderful books!!)

And now, here's my scene for feedback (if you're not familiar with the RULES please read them there first!):

“We can win this thing, Walters. I mean, how can we lose? I’m charming and insightful, and you understand the nuances of the game. Plus, you’re a girl.” 

I blink in disbelief. “That’s what I bring to this team? I’m a girl.” 

“It’s a bonus. Sets us apart. How many others will have a girl who knows her shit the way you do?” His head tilts as he studies me. “Especially one who’s so pretty.” 

My jaw drops. “Am I supposed to be flattered? Because that’s incredibly sexist, not to mention patronizing and...” 

“Demeaning?” he adds helpfully.
  He laughs. “It’s just an observation. Right now our camera is fixed on the field, but there might be opportunity for video, too. And you have nice eyes. Except when you frown and you get these weird slash marks between your eyes.” He points. “Yeah. Like those. I love the vintage tees, but your sandals are hideous. We’ll cut those out of our publicity photo.” 

“Publicity photo?”


“We need to submit it with our game tape.”


It’s all I can do not to scream. “There is going to be no game tape. I’m not saying yes.”


“Because I don’t like your sandals?”


“Leave my sandals out of this!”


“That’s my point exactly.” His eyes gleam. “See, we’re already in agreement.”

Looking forward to reading your excerpts in the comments!

- Amy (and gae)

p.s. If you’re interested in reading more, the first chapter is available on my website: amy@amydominy.com. You’ll find it HERE. I’m also starting a monthly newsletter with giveaways, excerpts and book news. If you’d to sign up, let me know in your comments. My mailing list isn’t quite set up yet, but I can add you myself. ☺   

Thanks so much to Gae for hosting me today. And thanks to you all for taking time to read this. I hope you’ll share an excerpt, too! I’ll be checking in all day and I’d love to read what you’re working on.