Friday Feedback With Amy Fellner Dominy (& Nate Evans!): How Mean Can You Be?

Today on Friday Feedback, we welcome back one of my regulars, and one of the people I have learned most from in this biz, my dear friend and BVFE** Amy Fellner Dominy.

Amy is the author of several books, both Middle Grade and YA, including the Sydney Taylor Notable OyMG, and a new mystery-adventure-roadtrip-romance YA coming out in April 2018 called THE FALL OF GRACE. I've read pieces of it and it is amazing! She also has a picture book and then some, coming out starting this September! You'll hear a bit more about them below.

Please support Amy and all her hard work here today by checking out and ordering all her books!

When I was a little kid, I hated math. I thought it was mean that math teachers would spend so much time making up problems. Weren’t there enough problems in the world without them creating more for me to deal with?

The irony is that now I’m an author and one of the most important parts of my job is to create problems for my characters. (Apologies to math teachers everywhere!) ☺  

It's true: I spend my days not just thinking up problems, but trying to ruin lives.

Today, I want to challenge you to do the same!

It doesn’t matter what type of fiction you’re writing, or for what ages. I write for teens, tweens, and toddlers and no one gets off easy.

For instance:

A worth-reading book!

In my young adult novel, Die for You, I gave Emma a boyfriend who will do anything to keep her with him. Even if it means killing himself.

In Audition & Subtraction, a middle grade, poor Tatum has divorcing parents and a best friend who asks her to mess up a band audition or lose her friendship.

I CANNOT WAIT to meet Cookiesaurus!
How about you?!

My first picture book comes out in September and it’s about an adorable dinosaur cookie fresh from the oven. Why would anyone create problems for a sweet cookie? Well, I did. In the story, Cookiesaurus wants to look better than all the other cookies, but the hands wielding the frosting have different ideas…to hilarious results (for everyone but Cookie, of course.) ☺

Here’s the thing about problems: They keep readers turning the page.

And they also make your job as a writer so much easier.   

Without problems, characters have no motivation to act.

Characters, like people, only take action when there’s something they want. What makes a story dramatic is when they can’t get what they want. When there are problems standing in their way, and when those problems seem insurmountable.

Makes sense?

So let’s talk about your story.

First of all, have you created a strong problem for your main character? A strong problem is one that:

A. Cannot be solved easily;

B. Comes with dire consequences if the character fails to solve it.

Can you verbalize that problem and the consequence of failure?

If so—congrats and welcome to Club Mean. If not—what problem can you give your character? Brainstorm the ten worst things that could possibly happen to that person, pick your favorite(s) and get writing. Watching your character work to overcome their problems is what will make your story flow, and what will make your readers cheer (or tear) at the end.

For today, I welcome you to share a bit of your story, and if possible, find a moment where your character is confronted by a problem.

This is Nate Evans a/k/a bonus guest host author
of Friday Feedback today! 

And—a bonus for those of you working on picture books. As it happens, I’m meeting today with Nate Evans, the co-author of Cookiesaurus Rex, who is a NYT bestselling author/illustrator with over 40 picture book credits to his name. He’s agreed to join me in commenting on your picture book story submissions for a few hours this afternoon.  

I look forward to reading!!

For my excerpt, I’m sharing the opening of THE FALL OF GRACE, my new YA coming April 2018 from Random House/Delacorte. It seems especially fitting because the problem with this book. . . was the problem. It takes months for Grace’s life to unravel, but when it does it leads her on a journey. So how to tell the story? If I were to start at the very beginning, would there be enough conflict to keep you interested as a reader? I decided to try weaving together both parts of the story: Grace’s unraveling and Grace’s journey. It turned out to be much more challenging to write than I expected, but in the end I’m really excited about how it turned out. Chapter 1 begins with Grace’s journey and I hope enough intrigue to keep you reading. But you be the judge of that. ☺

(Gae interrupts to say: If you are new here or have forgotten THE RULES to Friday Feedback, please pause now to read them at the bottom of any of these posts HERE, HERE, or HERE!!!)

An awning stretches above the doors to the bus terminal, blocking the sun but doing nothing to stop the sweltering heat. It’s a struggle to breathe, the hot air trapped and unmoving.

Like me.

Someone bumps my shoulder and I turn, tightening my hold on my backpack. But it’s someone in a hurry who doesn’t even stop. No one here knows who I am—I remind myself of this as breath calms. I’m not breaking a law by being here. I’ve been “asked” to remain in Phoenix. I’ve been “cautioned” and “advised” and “strongly encouraged.”

Not ordered.

My new hiking boots take me into the bus terminal. They’re Salomons and not new at all. I bought them at Goodwill this morning. I would have been squeamish before—used shoes? Please. But now I congratulate myself on my ten-dollar find. The fitted black tee and dark green pants are my own—bought for a trip to Paris and made of breathable, movable fabric with pockets down the leg. I’m a long way from Paris, but they’ll do. A white hooded jacket with wind protection is in the pack.

It can get cold where I’m going, even in August.

xox Amy (& Gae)
p.s. Amy is on a hike and I am off on a swim. We will both be back here shortly after NOON EST. <3 nbsp="" p="">

**Best Virtual Friend Ever, though we have, since the title stuck, become friends IRL too...

Friday Feedback: Josh Funk & The Read Aloud Picture Book

Hey, all,

Just back from one of those totally inspiring few days spent in the nerdy world of #nErDcampMI, where I even hosted an impromptu session on Teachers Write! so we have a bunch of amazing new campers, and I hope they're peeking in here.

A few times over those days, I crossed paths with my friend, Josh Funk, who told me more than once how excited he is to be hosting Friday Feedback this week.

I'm excited too. Not only do I know I have many aspiring picture book writers here who like to participate, but his post is amazing and inspiring and informative! Since, I'm never the best one to give picture book advice -- hey, I'd still like to write my own one day but have no idea how! -- I'm super excited he agreed to guest host!

If you post non-picture book excerpts -- and of course feel free to! -- I will do my usual chiming in in the comments, but otherwise, I'm going to leave it all up to him! You couldn't be in better hands. (And if you're new here, and before you proceed, please take a moment to click this link to read the Friday Feedback RULES):

Photo Credit: Carter Hasegawa

So, without further ado, here is the awesome Josh Funk, author of LADY PANCAKE & SIR FRENCH TOAST, THE CASE OF THE STINKY STENCH, and wonderful forthcoming titles like IT'S NOT JACK AND THE BEANSTALK. Be sure to check them all out and order them in to your libraries and classrooms if you don't already have them (are you crazy?!)!  

See you in the comments. Here's Josh:

Hooray! It’s Friday of Week 1! 

I’m thrilled that Gae & Co. invited me to join in #TeachersWrite - and I’m so excited to be able to share a work in progress, for your feedback.

First, I’d like to say - WOW! I don’t know how you do it. You educators work 80-100 hour weeks … AND you write! I’m not a teacher, but I’m married to one - and I can emphatically (and empathetically) say that you have the hardest job there is (hopefully it’s also an emotionally and psychologically rewarding job, too).

But (oops - sorry) you don’t want to think about school. It’s summer! Let’s write!

Gae tells me there are many of you interested and working on picture books! Great! Before we start, I want to go over a few basics by defining what a picture book actually is. At its core, there are four components, as I see it. A picture book is:

1.     A Story

2.     With Illustrations

3.     For Children

4.     Meant to Be Read Aloud

Yes, there are exceptions to all of the above (concept books and poems might not have narrative, The Book with No Pictures, parodies for adults, and early readers). But I believe that for the most part, the above applies.

What I’d like to focus on today is #4 - A picture book is meant to be read aloud - and usually read out loud by an adult to a child. We, the parents, teachers, librarians, and all adult readers have to perform picture books in front of children.

I know not everyone is a born thespian, but the best picture books (in my opinion) make it very easy for the adult reader to play act. In fact, one of the exceptions above, BJ Novak’s The Book with No Pictures, does a great job of forcing the reader to perform.

So I decided to write my own book that forced the reader to really get into character. If you know me, you’ll know most of my picture books are in rhyme. But my first non-rhyming picture book is coming out this September - It’s Not Jack and the Beanstalk.

Yes, it’s a fractured fairy-tale, but not just a fractured fairy-tale - it’s a META-fractured-fairy-tale. Jack doesn’t want to do to what the reader says - and all the reader wants to do is tell the traditional story. So you, the adult reader, get to argue with characters in the book (and they argue back).

Here are a few samples pages to give you the picture (images courtesy of Two Lions, art by Edwardian Taylor):

Jack - Pages 14-15

Jack - Pages 20-21

The story evolved in script form, as my kids and I would read it out loud to friends and family members (the kids playing Jack and the Giant, while I played the storyteller). And while it wasn’t a motivating factor as I was writing the story, I do think it would make for a fun reader’s theater.

And. . . since it's Friday FEEDBACK, the writing sample I’m sharing today is from a follow-up manuscript called It’s Not Hansel and Gretel. The story is told by the same reader/narrator whose only goal is to tell the traditional story. I intend it to be the same format with colored speech bubbles for each of the characters. The section below starts on the third spread of the story:

Page 10-11

When the sky grew dark, Papa ran off.

Hansel: Gretel, I’m worried.

Gretel: Don’t fret, Hansel. I’m sure Papa will be right back with blankets and a bit of food. Our parents love us.

No! He’s not coming back!

Luckily, Hansel had left a trail of breadcrumbs leading back to home.

Hansel: Breadcrumbs? I didn’t bring any breadcrumbs.

Gretel: What kind of person saves breadcrumbs?

I … don’t really … know.

Hansel: It’s a time of great famine. If there are any breadcrumbs left, we eat them.

Okay! Forget the breadcrumbs!

Gretel: Now I’m hungry! Why’d you have to bring up breadcrumbs?!

Page 12-13

The next morning, Hansel and Gretel were still lost and alone. They spent all day searching for a way back home, but found nothi—

Gretel: Look! There's our house!

What?

Hansel: Yay! We found it!

No! You can't find it!

Gretel: Excuse me, but we've lived on the outskirts of these woods our whole lives. I think we know our way around.

Page 14-15

[inside the house]

Hansel: Mama? Papa? Where are you?

Gretel: Maybe Papa got lost on the way home to get blankets and food? He does have a terrible sense of direction.

Hansel: But where’s Mama?

Gretel: She’s probably out searching for us.

THEY’RE NOT SEARCHING FOR YOU!

Hansel [crying]: Waaa! Waa-aa-aa!

Gretel: Look what you did! You made Hansel cry!

I - I didn’t mean to do that.

Gretel: Don’t worry, Hansel. We can find Mama and Papa ourselves!

Hansel: *sniff* Okay.

Wait! You can’t leave without ME! I’m the one telling the story!

One side note - I normally don’t paginate my stories in early drafts. In fact, until recently I didn’t do much pagination at all, that was often left to the editor and art director. Lately, I feel that I have a better understanding of how pagination might work well with my texts (what and how much could/should be illustrated on any given page). If you don’t feel comfortable (as I certainly didn’t until I had gone through the process a half dozen times with editors) - I recommend not worrying about it. If you do feel confident about paginating your story before submission, it can sometimes be helpful - but it is certainly not required or expected.

Assuming this book will be the same length (40 pages) as It’s Not Jack and the Beanstalk, there will be 16 full spreads. For more information on lengths of books, see Debbie Ohi’s post explaining how 40 page self-ended picture books work.

So maybe as you write your next picture book manuscript, you might keep in mind the fact that this will be read aloud to a child by an adult - and see if that changes how your story evolves. 

And, now, since it's Friday Feedback, I’d love to hear your feedback on this portion of the It’s Not Hansel and Gretel manuscript, and look forward to any writing you might share for feedback in the comments! Thanks, in advance,

Josh

p.s. Again, for those of you who don't already know them, please first read THE RULES!!

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Find out more about Josh Funk at www.joshfunkbooks.com and even more on Twitter @joshfunkbooks.

Friday Feedback: False starts, Rejection and Moving Forward - a post chock full of useful links (so you should click on them) and a recycled, hidden, parting gift. . .

Summer is a fleeting bastard.

Hey, all you shiny campers,

I don't have any idea how we're here already.

Here at

The end.

The end.

Two little words so awesome at

the bottom of a manuscript,

yet, so not awesome at the completion of

a summer of Teachers Write.

*weeps a little*

But what is there to do but march forward?

It's been a busy summer for me. Busier and harder than I anticipated. I wasn't here as much as I wanted to be.

I didn't write as much as I wanted to write.

There are no redos.

Nothing to do but march forward.


I hope your writing went well.

I hope you had at least one moment when you surprised yourself.

One moment where you pushed yourself beyond where you thought you could.

One moment when you truly felt brave.

And now what?

How to keep going from here?

If you came here to TW simply to be a better writing teacher -- by the way, a truly commendable aim that makes me admire you deeply and wish there were more teachers JUST like you --  hopefully you have a brain (and computer) chock-full of ways to inspire your students. An idea of how to make writing more accessible, more compelling, and more clear. And a new-found empathy for student writers gained from walking the walk yourself.

But what if you came here hoping to write a book? To be a writer? And you only made it part of the way through?

What if you wrote less than you hoped?

What if you're stuck in the muck and mire of a muddy middle?

WHO IS GOING TO HELP ME IF I'M STUCK???


Um, did you hear me???

WHO IS GOING TO HELP ME IF I'M STUCK?!!?

What if you're almost done and visions of querying agents or submitting to publishers are dancing like sugarplum fairies in your head?

WHO IS GOING TO HELP ME IF I'M DONE?????

This writing world can be a lonely, hard one. In the end, the only one who can write your book is you.

THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN WRITE (and sell) YOUR BOOK IS YOU.

And what if I write that query, and find the perfect agent, and he rejects me, and then she rejects me, and then ten more reject me after that??!?!?!!?

You just keep marching onward.

Rejections are battle scars. Rejection is the sand . . . that ultimately produces a pearl.

And, yes, writing can be a hard, doubt-filled, and solitary endeavor, but it can also be an inspiring one full of community and understanding. And first and foremost, I hope you have found that here.


Because that's what we are. We at Teachers Write are a community. Summer is over, but we're still here to help you, to answer your questions and cheer you on.

If you need us:

Tweet to us on twitter:

https://twitter.com/gaepol
https://twitter.com/KateMessner
https://twitter.com/JoKnowles
https://twitter.com/mentortexts

email me: g.polisner@gmail.com

and, don't forget:

The TW Facebook page

is open all year.

And we love to hear from you. We do. We love to hear the stories of success: the manuscripts worked on, or dare we say, finished, the agents reading partials and fulls. The lessons brought back to the classroom.

You know where to find us, and you know, my shiny campers, where to find me.

So, I wish you all a gloriously happy end of summer and a joyful, productive return back to school.

And now, since it's Friday Feedback, here's a small excerpt from the manuscript I just sold (!!!!).

What works for you? What doesn't? You know THE RULES.

(The following excerpt is from the perspective of my 17-year old main character, a boy name Klee, pronounced Clay.)

Sarah is singing. Singing, and crawling toward me on her knees.

Her voice is breathy and sweet.

“Sweet dreams till sun beams find you. . .”

It’s a hallucination, I think, but it seems real anyway, so I wedge my hand under my thigh so I don’t reach out to her.

“Tell me your dreams, babe,” she says.

I shake my head and a crow lands on the back of Dr. Alvarez’s chair, turns a beady eye at me and makes its way up the wall.

The crow is a trickster. I focus on Sarah instead.

“Sweet dreams that leave our worries behind you.

But in your dreams, whatever they be. . .

She moves slowly, on all fours, her dark hair falling over her big blue eyes.

dream a little dream of me. . .”

I squirm as she gets closer, squeeze my eyes shut tight so I don’t lose it. Sometimes, all I have to do is look at her. 
When she reaches where I sit, she slides her lips up my leg, her wide eyes watching me, her tongue tracing the front of my jeans.

I make some noise, and she stops. 
She sits back.

“What the fuck? Are you crying, Klee?”

I shake my head, but she disappears anyway.

***  

Much love. Keep going!

gae

p.s. If you love what we do here at Teachers Write, please support us by buying and sharing our titles. If you haven't yet preordered THE MEMORY OF THINGS, I'd love you forever if you do. And don't forget my other books, THE PULL OF GRAVITY and THE SUMMER OF LETTING GO.

But also, don't forget the books of my guest authors: Nora Raleigh Baskin's NINE, TEN; Liza Wiemer's HELLO?, Amy Dominy's DIE FOR YOU, and Selene Castrovilla's SIGNS OF LIFE, etc. And if those books aren't right for your classroom, please check out their other titles, everything from truly awesome historical picture books to middle grade to more YA.