Friday Feedback with Selene Castrovilla: Voice - The Heart of Your Story

Me, in my other true element. 

Ah, dear campers,

Somehow, too quickly, this is the last "official" Friday Feedback of our 2105 Teachers Write! summer. 

How ridiculously unfair!

I will post an unofficial wrap up with gifts, advice, links and giveaways next Friday, and welcome as many of you who still have time and stamina to show up there! I also remind you to read through the comments on our "So You Want to Join a Critique Group" post and chime in if you want to make connections there.

Now, without further ado, today's pretty amazing guest author, Selene Castrovilla* author of several picture books including the award-winning REVOLUTIONARY FRIENDS, as well as several young adult novels, is here to talk about that ever elusive and ever important, "VOICE" in story. How to find it and what it means.

Selene's most recent YA novel, MELT, "a brutal love story," has sure got a strong one going throughout! I know because I've read it. More particularly, I tore through it, heart-racing, and you will too. 

MELT has garnered SIX honors and awards, and none other than Jacqueline Woodson (BROWN GIRL DREAMING) has said about Selene & MELT that Selene is ". . . a writer worth watching." 


Jacqueline Woodson, so, I mean, it doesn't get much better than that.

p.s. the original post on voice sent to me by Selene was over 14 pages long! Um, FOURTEEN PAGES!! Too long for a blog post, but, gosh, don't you just love our guest authors?!? If you would like to read the entire post, with its many incredible examples, feel free to email me (g.polisner@gmail.com) and I will forward it to you for your reading pleasure! 

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If you like and have used this post, please check out my books HERE. 

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Now, here's Selene:

We often refer to voice in this most mystical sounding way: “You found your voice!” And while there is an ethereal aspect to writing which cannot be taught, voice is in fact something stemming from craft. Voice is not inspiration. Voice is the result of the writer transitioning inspiration into story using specific tools and techniques. Voice is the result of damn hard work and determination.

Patti Lee Gauch, one of the greatest children’s book editors, asks this question of writers: “Did you go far enough?”

Voice is what happens when you go far enough.

"Voice is the heart of your story. Literally: it is the mighty muscle though which our story’s life’s blood circulates and flows. Figuratively: It is the core, it is the essence. It is the truth."

Voice is the heart of your story. Literally: it is the mighty muscle though which our story’s life’s blood circulates and flows. Figuratively: It is the core, it is the essence. It is the truth.

Voice separates mediocre and even good writing from great. Voice is what makes you root for the hero, and even feel for the anti-hero. Voice leads to total immersion; comprehensive investment by the reader. If you put a book down without finishing, its voice did not compel you.

Voice is the way your story is told, in every aspect. It requires meticulous attention to details.

Everything we include in our story must circulate through voice.

Here’s how:

Character

Character is, of course, where we start. Plot stems from character. Because it is your character’s personality that determines where they will head, and how they will react to their circumstances. If Harry Potter had been a little jerk, things would’ve gone done differently at Hogwarts.

If you love a book you love the character’s journey (even if they are anti-heroes, you can can still enjoy their ride to either redemption or ruination.) Your character is your voice, because your story stems through his perceptions and experiences and choices. But we must develop this voice carefully and completely.

How do we present our character’s voice effectively? We must know it intimately. We must become this character.

Examples:

The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger:

“If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.”

What if it had been written like this: 

“I don’t feel like talking about my childhood. Especially not my parents.”

It boils down to the same information, but it lacks the voice. See the difference!?

Setting

It’s not enough to describe a powerful setting. This setting must be seen through the voice: the eyes and mood of your character. And if there’s more than one point of view, you must accomplish this multiple times. This is the most commonly ignored element I see. Your setting is not just a description of a place because no two people see a place the same way. 

Examples:

Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

“Somebody put a calendar on the bulletin board in my room. I guess they wanted to make sure I knew what day it was. I think I heard a voice say, ‘You can make the days.’ That’s a funny thing to do with days. Mark them. Put an X on them. Cross them out.”

What if it had been written like this:

“There was a calendar in my room. They said I could mark off the days.”

America by E.R. Frank

        “You have to watch what you say around here because everything you say means something and somebody's always telling you what you mean.

         ‘Step off,’ I tell this nurse when she tries to get me to eat.

         ‘You mean, thank you for caring,’ she says. ‘You’re welcome.’

         ‘I need a lighter,’ I tell her, and she goes, ‘You mean you want a lighter. Dream on, sweetheart.’

         So I take their medicine and walk around in socks the ay they make you, and stay real quiet.”

What if it had been written like this:

“I’m stuck in this hospital where everything is misconstrued. So I comply with their rules and stay quiet.”

Sensory Details

The sensory details our character observes are totally dependent on that character’s state of mind, which lends to voice.

Examples:

The Catcher in the Rye

“Then she introduced me to this Navy guy.  His name was Commander Blop or something.  He was one of those guys that think they’re being a pansy if they don’t break around forty of your fingers when they shake hands with you.  God, I hate that stuff.”

What if it had been written like this:

“She introduced me to her date, a Navy fellow. He had a strong handshake.”

Precision of Language

 We have a rich language. So many words mean basically the same thing, but they possess different moods and shades. The texture of the words we choice weaves voice.

If you want your character to appear depressed or downtrodden, have them plod across the floor. If they are playful, have them scamper. When I wanted my character to be disdainful to the legal process (and in general), I gave him the line: “The assistant DA rolls in.” I could’ve used “strolls,” but “rolls” says so much more. That sentence has voice.

Sensory words

I also like to use words that have a sensory feeling to them, in conjunction with the voice:

glints - shiny, but it feels sharp

stammers - struggles to get words out, but with a brutal, stamping feel

Gustave Flaubert famously coined the term “le mot juste:” the right word. He labored to find the precise word which would reveal the truth on the page. I, too,believe that we must search for le mot juste. In fact, I find great satisfaction in this thrill of the word chase. One of my great joys is using  my Flip Dictionary (by Barbara Ann Kipfer, published by Writer’s Digest books.) It’s a thesaurus on steroids. Meant for writers, it will provide you with inspiration and aha! moments to enrich not only your story, but also you.

Here’s an example of both precision of language & sensory words:

As I lay Dying by William Faulkner

“It’s because he stays out there, right under the window, hammering and sawing on that goddamn box. Where she’s got to see him. Where every breath she draws is full of his knocking and sawing where she can see him saying See. See what a good one I am making for you. I told him to go somewhere else. I said Good God do you want to see her in it. It’s like when he was a little boy and she says if she had some fertilizer she would try to raise some flowers and he taken the bread pan and brought it back from the barn full of dung.

And now them others sitting there, like buzzards. Waiting, fanning themselves. Because I said If you wouldn’t keep on sawing and nailing at it until a man cant sleep even and her hands laying on the quilt like two of them roots dug up and tried to wash and you couldn’t get them clean.”

What if it was written like this:

“Cash is building my mother’s coffin right under her window. And the rest of the family sits in her room waiting for her to die.”

Pacing

Never underestimate the power of pacing to influence your voice. Pacing runs side by side with word choice, because the words you use determine your pacing. Short, staccato word chains create a different pace that long, weightier words.

Play with words as you build your sentences!

stumbles vs. trips

collapses vs. falls

wounded vs. hurt

Shift in voice

Voice can also do a shift. It can be dark to darkest, as in Macbeth by William Shakespeare

In the beginning Macbeth says:

“Come what come may,

Time and the hour runs through the darkest day.”

In the end he says:

“To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day

To the last syllable of recorded time,

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage

And then is heard no more: it is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.”

It can be hopeless to hopeful, as in You Don’t Know Me by David Klass:

In the beginning John says:

“You don’t know me.

Just for example, you think I’m upstairs in my room doing my homework. Wrong…And I am not in this house at all. I am in the middle of a hurricane. Thunder is cymbal-crashing above and beneath me. Lightening makes my hair stand up. Winds are spinning me like a top…You don’t know me at all.”

In the end he realizes:

“I look up into your eyes and I see the truth there, and I admit that I was mistaken all along.

So you do know me, Mom.

So you do know who I am after all.”

But this shift must be a consequence of the character’s journey. It can't appear out of nowhere. If that happens, the reader is at the least dissatisfied, and at the most disgusted. An unjustified shift of voice at the end is what makes us “hate that book” even if we enjoyed it to that point.

I hope this has helped you. (Oh, it has, Selene!! It has! It's a pretty extraordinary post!) 

And, now, since it's Friday Feedback, let's share bits of our work that reflect a strong moment of voice. Here's a moment from SIGNS OF LIFE, the sequel to MELT, due out January 2016! And if you're new to Friday Feedback, don't forget to scroll to the bottom of this link to read THE RULES. 

xox Selene (& gae)

Joey –Now

            I ain’t talked with her for almost a year.

            Scratch that. Shit. Grammar is a biatch. Do I get points for substituting ‘biatch’ in for the word I’d normally use? Doubtful. Mrs. Baker’s not cutting any breaks for stuff like that. She would say it would be better for me to avoid all such terms. She would go, “Grammar is unpleasant, Joseph. I believe that is what you meant to convey.”

            Not go. Say. “People ‘say,’ Joseph.” That's what Mrs. Baker would say. “They speak.”

            Right, Mrs. Baker. You're absolutely right. People speak.

            Except when they don’t.

            Except when they can’t.

            Sometimes they ‘go,’ but it has nothing to do with speaking. Or leaving for that matter. Sometimes they go even when they’re here, and that sucks.

            Oh, sorry Mrs. Baker. I mean, that is unpleasant.

            But really, it sucks.

            I promised her I’d graduate, and go to community college. Not Mrs. Baker. Doll. I promised Doll. I didn’t think I’d get in to the college, but she said “Try, just try,” and so I applied, and they took me. Go figure.

            

Friday Feedback: True-ly Hooked!

Rochester Teen Book Festival (my first book festival ever!) this May, as we said in high school, was a total blast, but perhaps the best thing about it for me was forging a friendship with Terry Trueman.*

After a glass of wine, I may have suggested we all go into the tiny hotel
bathroom together. It seemed funny at the time.
Yes, that is James Kennedy, Matt de la Pena, AS King, Terry and me!

Terry Trueman is not only a terrific writer, he's a bundle of humor, compassion and energy.

He's also a man with quite a personal story, and I was reading the highly fictionalized version of a piece of it, his stunning STUCK IN NEUTRAL, by the time I got in the car to go home from TBF. 

From Terry's website about Stuck In Neutral:

Shawn McDaniel's life is not what it may seem to anyone looking at him. He is glued to his wheelchair, unable to voluntarily move a muscle-he can't even move his eyes. for all Shawn's father knows, his son may be suffering. Shawn may want a release, and as long as he is unable to communicate his true feelings to his father, Shawn's life is in danger.

To the world, Shawn's senses seem dead. Within these pages, however, we meet a side of him that no one else has ssen-a spirit that is rich beyond imagining, breathing life.

 Suffice it to say, I didn't put it down until I finished.

You can read more about the book (and his many other works!) on Terry's awesome website HERE, including about the new extras** edition being released in conjunction with the release of the sequel!

I will tell you, it's a book not to be missed, and its sequel, LIFE HAPPENS NEXT, comes out August 21st!

In a minute, you're going to get a sneak peek at LIFE, because Terry's sharing the opening as guest host of this week's Friday Feedback. Rules are HERE if you're new.

Hook me, baby, hook me!

So, at the request of a few Teachers Write! campers, as summer wanes, I was asked to talk about hook a little more. So, I asked Terry if he would supply the first two paragraphs and last two paragraphs of LIFE's Chapter One.

Because, I got to thinking that a writer really needs to hook the reader (at least) twice: once at the very beginning of their novel, in the opening sentences, and again at the end of that first chapter. I'm coining it the "hook and hold." :) I just made that up.

*curtseys*

But what is a hook anyway? What does it mean to hook a reader?


What is that certain thing that engages us immediately in a story, and makes us want to keep reading?


Like all things writing and creative process, there's no easy, single answer to what hook is or how to create one. What hooks you may be different than what hooks me. Like Voice, you just know it when you sees it. ;)

But as a general rule, hook means there's not only an intriguing voice to the piece (it's not bland, robotic or boring, but rather immediately engaging), but also an interesting character in an interesting or relatable situation is introduced, and, mostly, that a conflict is presented.

Internal or external, there has to be a sense of tension. A character has to want something (or, I suppose, not want it), and, we, the reader need to instantly care if he gets (or avoids) it.

So, today, we'll focus on hook. We'll post the first 3 - 5 paragraphs of our openings -- if you want to post the first two paragraphs and last two paragraphs of your WIP as Terry has done below, be my guest!

Are you hooked? If yes, why? If not why not?

If you've already posted your opening here earlier in the summer, take a minute now to (break my usual rule and) go back. Does it have a strong voice? Does your character want something? Is there an immediate sense of longing, desire or conflict?

Without further ado, here are the first two(ish) paragraphs and the last two paragraphs of Chapter One of Terry's LIFE HAPPENS NEXT:

Chapter 1

Night before last my dad tried to kill me. At least, I’m pretty sure that was his plan. For weeks and months I’d been worrying about it. I guess Dad had his reasons, but he didn’t do it. Obviously. Lucky me, huh? Sorry, sarcasm is one of the few weapons I possess. 

I heard this thing once on a TV program about a guy who had a recurring dream that he was a butterfly. One day he woke up and couldn’t tell for sure if he was a butterfly dreaming he was a guy, or a guy dreaming he was a butterfly. Lately, when I first wake up, I have the feeling that maybe my dream life is better than my real life. Dreaming is my favorite part of each day, dreaming, soaring, feeling free because of all the amazing possibilities it offers me.

But here’s the screwiest part: most of these possibilities spin around an impossible fact, the fact that I’m in love with Ally Williamson.

Damn, that’s crazy. Maybe not so crazy for anybody else but it sure is for me. . .

. . .

So now you get that my body doesn’t work. But my brain sure does. I’m almost fifteen years old and since thinking is about all I can do, I’ve done a lot of it in my day. The only thing I can do to keep myself from getting depressed is just staying cool. I once heard my sister say to Paul, “No situation is so bad that having a bad attitude can’t make it worse.” I love that. My situation is pretty bad, but I’ve got my hopes and dreams and firm belief that life is a pretty great thing. And thinking about Ally, fantasizing that we might somehow be together someday, is more than enough of a reason for me to live.

So back to my dad and how he planned to kill me a couple nights ago. He actually thought he’d be doing me a favor, ending my miserable existence. But because Dad didn’t do it, I guess in one way I’m like everybody else now, just trying to figure out what’s gonna happen next. I’m keeping my spirits up and enjoying a mental make-out here and there (hey, it’s better than no make-out at all!), and focusing on the good things in life. Yeah, I’ve got C.P. but I know that there’s always bad and good things coming at us that we can’t even see, much less control. So how different am I from everybody else? Maybe not so much as it looks like.

Terry (& gae)

p.s. Terry's on Pacific time, so he'll be here late morning my (EST) time. :)

* if you didn't click on that link for TERRY'S WEBSITE, do it now, <---- there. It's fancy and flashy and new, and uber cool. I'm jealous and want to live inside it. :)

** the extras edition of Stuck In Neutral includes two interviews with Terry including one where he answers the ten most frequent questions he's gotten about the book, a playlist, and some insider information about Shawn, the MC of Stuck! Sounds pretty cool to me!

 

Friday Feedback: Voice - I Know it When I See It

A few "faces" of Arlaina Tibensky. . . hmm, well, mostly ;)

In 1964, Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart said, "I shall not attempt to further define [it] . . . but I know it when I see it."

Of course, the "it" he was talking about was pornography, *coughs* but I think this quote applies to  writer's voice, as well.

It's hard to define what "voice" is, but you know it when you see (hear/read) it.

I think, for me, voice is what draws me to a given writer most -- above plot and story, above characters, even. That certain je ne sais quoi known as voice.


A.S. King's got a strong one. Geoff Herbach too. <--- two of my personal YA favorites.

One of Arlaina's favorite paintings
by Otto Dix.
It reminds me of her, too!
Plus, this painting has
a strong "voice"
don't you think?

As does today's lovely guest author, Arlaina Tibensky. An outrageously vibrant one, to boot. 

Put it this way, the first time I threw myself at met Arlaina, was after she had done a reading from And Then Things Fall Apart, her colorful delivery matching perfectly the canary yellow blouse she had on (What?!? So, I remember what she was wearing. So what?).

Arlaina's "voice" blasts off the page.

I love it.

I want it.

But, alas, it's hers, so I'm stuck with my own.

If you want to know what I mean (and you do!),

read her debut YA, And Then Things Fall Apart.                               

About the book:

Keek’s life was totally perfect… Keek and her boyfriend just had their Worst Fight Ever; her best friend heinously betrayed her; her parents are divorcing; and her mom’s across the country caring for her newborn cousin, who may or may not make it home from the hospital. To top it all off, Keek’s got the plague. (Well, the chicken pox.) Now she’s holed up at her grandmother’s technologically barren house until further notice. Not quite the summer vacation Keek had in mind. With only an old typewriter and Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar for solace and guidance, Keek’s alone with her swirling thoughts. But one thing’s clear through her feverish haze—she’s got to figure out why things went wrong so she can make them right.

Show More

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Voice.

So, I went tooling around the interwebs searching for an authoritative definition of voice, but there isn't one. It seems to be one of those undefinable things, that, IMHO, you've either got or you don't.

I'm not sure voice can be taught.

Jane Yolen has this to say about voice:  “The story’s voice. That is what must be uncovered, not discovered. It is not the author’s voice, but the true tone of the tale.”

Hmmm, I'm not sure I get this, completely. For me, the voice of a particular story presents itself to me from the outset -- and, maybe mixes with my "author's voice" for a sort of hybrid creation. . . so that I feel like each of my manuscripts has its own voice, but you can also "hear" my author voice shining through.

I also liked this from an author named Dr. Jack Ross:

Writer's voice . . . is a combination of a writer's use of syntax, diction, punctuation, character development, dialogue, etc., within a given body of text (or across several works). Voice can also be referred to as the specific fingerprint of an author . . .

A fingerprint, yes! When you read Arlaina's writing, it's got her beautiful, snarky, wistful fingerprints all over it.

Well, see for yourself! We've got her here today, so go ahead and read her excerpt and see. Do you feel her voice? Her fingerprint? Does it resonate with you?

What works for you? What doesn't?

How about you? Have you found your author's voice? Have you left your fingerprints? Let us see.

Today find an excerpt that reveals your voice as a writer.

And if you haven't been here before, please read the RULES.


From an "undisclosed" project of Arlaina's:

The thing with Ron is, he exists.  He is: there.  And he seems to show up right at the exact moment I need something to take me away from all this. And I know, I know.  He’s bad. The worst.  And I don’t trust him, I don’t even like him but he trusts me to make my own choices and so, I let him.  I use him to gage how far I can go. Besides, if our time is almost up- what difference does it make?  When I’m with him I forget to care too much about tomorrow because I’m too busy being in right now. Ron picks me up and gives me two soggy pills from the front pocket of his greasy jeans.

“What is it?” I ask, not really caring. It will either make me pass out, ultra-hyper, ultra-happy or just hallucinate.  Any of those are fine with me. What’s the difference if I live or die anyway?

“Adderall,” he says.  “I thought a smart girl like you would know what the hell Adderall looks like.”

“Whatever,” I say but inside I hear a voice-

-A smart girl like you shouldn’t be in a car with a guy like him.

“It’s THERAPUTIC,” he says.  “It’s to iron out the kinks in your complicated brain.”  He laughs when he says it and so do I. Like a maniac.

He says, “Don’t be a scared little girl.”

And I say “Fuck you,” and swallow the pills down with some warm Mountain Dew from his cup holder.

- Arlaina (and gae)

p.s. Arlaina probably won't be around until Saturday, but I'll be here during the day. :)

---

Gae is the author of The Pull of Gravity (fsg/Macmillan - guided by Star Wars and Steinbeck, two teens go on a secret, whirlwind road trip to keep a promise to their dying friend), and a soon(ish)-to-be released YA from Algonquin Books/Workman Publishing.