Friday Feedback with Selene Castrovilla: Emotions in Motion

  

Selene and I doing a Freaky Friday
this past spring. 

You guys!!!!

This post doesn't need me blathering on with a long intro keeping you from the awesomeness that is about to abound... Suffice it to say we were lucky to have Selene Castrovilla HERE last summer doing a post on voice, and now she's back with more awesomeness that we need to let you get to.

Quickly, if you don't know Selene, she is the award-winning author of young adult fiction and children's nonfiction -- seven books and counting. 

SIGNS OF LIFE, Book Two of the Rough Romance Trilogy, has just been released. I've read the first in the trilogy, MELT, and I cannot wait to get to Signs of Life!

In fact, MELT was the recipient of six honors including the SCBWI Spark Award, the IndieReader Fiction Book of the Year, and the Bronze IPPY Medal for young adult fiction. Here's a link to the guide On Reading and Teaching MELT. 

So, without further ado, I give you Selene and Emotions in Motion. And please check out and order Signs of Life, Melt and the rest of her BOOKS!!

Through the years, and particularly when I was starting out as a writer (long before publication, when I was getting used to the idea that I didn’t need anyone’s permission to write), I attended many writing workshops and conferences. I have a stack of notebooks filled with sage advice from writers and editors.

One person’s words stick on my brain like a wad of chewing gum under a desk. . . "Did you go far enough?"

One person’s words stick on my brain like a wad of chewing gum under a desk. Patti Lee Gauch — a renowned Philomel editor — delivered a lecture titled “Did You Go Far Enough?”

She said sure, you could write something adequate. Something that fills in the blanks, does the job, meets the requirements of “writing.”

But: Did you go far enough?

You know. We all know. It’s the difference between “meh” and goosebumps.

It’s the difference between “That book was alright” and “I stayed up all night reading even though I had to work the next day.”

I’ve contemplated that question:

Did I go far enough? 

swirling and churning it with each book I’ve produced.

And for me, going far enough is always a question of emotion.

I’m never done until I’ve milked every drop of emotion from a scene. It’s true in my picture books as well as in my novels, and the more I write, them more I see opportunities. It’s not what’s happened, but your character’s reaction to what’s happened that creates emotion. IMHO.

Emotions add:

• Tension
• Clarity
• Depth

Tension:

Why do we decide to turn that page and start reading a new chapter? Because we’re worried about our character. We must know what happens next to them.

It is possible to add tension to any setting 

by amping up the emotion.

Your character wakes up to a bright sunny morning. All is good in the hood, right? Mais, non. Instead of just pushing back the covers and plunging from the bed:

He bites his lip.

or

He clutches at the covers. (Maybe he crawls under them.)

or

He shudders.

or

He refuses breakfast.

or

He vomits all over the covers.

You just conveyed that your character is nervous. (Okay, the vomiting may indicate a virus or a hangover — you may need to clarify with other cues/tells.)

He wakes up to that same sunny morning and he:

sneers

or
snickers

or
rubs his hands together and laughs in a disturbing way

or
he has cold eyes,

You just conveyed that he has contempt. Better hope there are strict gun laws in his state.

He wakes up yet a third time to that sunny morning and:

his eyebrows gather in

or

he squeezes his eyes shut

or
his posture is bent with slumped arms, the shoulders pulled low.

Maybe he even mutters an apology into the air, or up to God.

You just showed up that your character has regret. Are the gun laws strict in that state?

The emotions do not explain anything here. They make us wonder: what the heck is bugging this guy on such a sunny day? He should be jumping out of bed singing, “Oklahoma! Where the wind comes sweeping down the plain!” (Maybe his problem is that he lives in Oklahoma and hates getting his hair messed up in the wind.)

Once our character gets out of bed you can compound the emotion, or you can turn it around. You can create an unexpected twist; you can make the day go even worse. But all this great stuff happens only if he doesn’t simply “wake up to a sunny day and gets out of bed.” Because that’s the default setting, folks. Change it.

Emotion can also illuminate our story, clarifying how we’re supposed to feel . . . within the context of our story. 

Clarity:

Emotion can also illuminate our story, clarifying how we’re supposed to feel about a certain situation within the context of our story. Often, something which happens can be good or bad, funny or sad — depending on how the character feels. If you want to play around you can use multiple characters and have them feel different ways about a situation. For example, I write about the Revolutionary War. So if something good happens for the British, it’s going to upset the Americans. I never just say “so and so won this battle.” Who cares, anyway? We care about the emotional reaction to the win or loss.

This is also good to define moral character: how your character reacts to something tragic or even just a little upsetting shows insight into him. Maybe he’s happy, because he hates the person it happened to. Maybe he has good reason. Maybe they’d bullied him in the past. Or maybe your character is the bully. 

Really, emotions can change the course of our story entirely -- without altering the plot.

Depth:

The difference between the kiddie pool and the deep end is depth. 

Both get you wet, one immerses you.

The difference between the kiddie pool and the deep end is depth. Both get you wet, one immerses you.

Immerse your readers. Shove ‘em right into that deep end — over-priced clothes, over-priced shoes, hideously over-priced purses and all. They'll never forget you.

This brings us back to: Did you go far enough?

Examples of how emotions made the difference in children’s/YA books:

1.     The Catcher in the Rye:  Pencey Prep would be just a rich kids’ boarding school if Holden hadn’t been so damn depressed. Frankly, the whole book is one big emotional breakdown.

2.  Charlotte’s Web: What if Fern cared more about what was for breakfast (extra bacon?) then where Pa was going with that axe?

3. Harry Potter — What if Harry’s mother hadn’t loved Harry enough to sacrifice herself for him? (It’s kind of interesting that Harry himself is a fairly passive-emotioned character, compared to the others surrounding him. Look at the passion of Snape!)

4.Lord of the Flies — What if the boys decided to band together to survive, treating each other with respect and concern?

5. The Chocolate Wars — What if Jerry felt inclined to sell the chocolate like everyone else?

These are just some from the top of my head. Why don’t you apply your favorites to the emotions test as well?

As you can see, emotions not only show us the internal working of a character, but they also determine the tone, outcome and depth (as previously mentioned.) It is emotion which lends gravitas.

Of course, the master of emotion was Shakespeare. Think about how essential emotion is in his plays! They would be utterly meaningless without them. There’s a man who went far enough.

So how do you go about showing emotions in your stories? Many of us first try to use dialogue for the heavy lifting, but this can leave us with hackneyed, tired lines. Yes, use strong, biting dialogue that delivers a punch. But don’t flail wildly, or your story will be down for the count.

Here’s where you can cultivate:

1.     Your word choices count. A word carries a feel, a connotation. An emotion. So never have a character “walk.” Have him plod, trudge, skip or shuffle. I HIGHLY recommend the Flip Dictionary by Barbara Ann Kipfer, Ph. D. It’s a thesaurus on steroids.

2.     How you describe your setting provides emotion. Run-down or pristine?  Cheerful abundant or bare? It’s not just how it is, but how your characters perceive it.

3.     How your convey the weather also provides emotion. Again, a sunny day may be greeted with dismay. Or a happy character might whistle as he walks through the rain.

4.     Body language. Oh, yes. This is rich indeed. I own a book called The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, and it is priceless. Not since I laid eyes on my Flip Dictionary many years ago have I loved a writing resource so much. If you want to get into character traits and how they are revealed emotionally, Angela and Becca have also created The Positive Trait Thesaurus and The Negative Trait Thesaurus. I own these, but haven’t referred to them much yet (though perusing them now, they do seem inspiring.)

5.     You can even use pacing to convey emotions. In my latest novel, I chopped up the narratives and discovered a much tenser emotional trajectory — without changing a word. Your novel is like a potato: slice it, dice it, make Julienne fries.

I hope you find this useful!

Remember: A mediocre story is one filled with missed emotional opportunities.

One more thing about writing. You must give it some priority if you want to experience growth. I always say: “Tonight, we can cook a fancy dinner, or we can write a novel!” What do we have left when we’re done eating?

My kids grew up thinking that when it’s dinnertime, the Chinese man brings it.

(I am convinced my son loves broccoli with garlic sauce because I ate it with one hand as he nursed nestled in my other.)

Let’s get to work!

I suppose we might try for passages which convey emotion today — if you have them. But please, share whatever you’d like feedback on. I can’t wait to read your work!

For mine, this is a section in Unpunished, Book Three in the Rough Romance Trilogy. I have many points of view in this one.

Dorothy’s Mom

I didn’t even know what was happening. My daughter was alive, eyes open! I screamed, I couldn’t stop screaming, at the sheer horror of what I’d done. And the baby was pounding, pounding inside me, as though she were screaming, too.

One of the nurses who rushed in grabbed me, yanked me out of the room. I didn’t resist, but I didn’t help either. I was like a lead weight, not on purpose, but because I couldn’t function. It was like my mind wasn’t even in my body, I was just observing.

I was still screaming, and she shook me hard. “Dr. Fields!” she scolded. And that stopped my scream. She had no right to scold me.

“You said it wasn’t possible,” I roared. “You said she was dead. Already dead, though breathing. Oh my God, that doesn’t even make sense! I believed you, I believed you all!”

She didn’t say anything. Her arms dropped. She was a mess, how could she call herself a nurse, what did she know? It was just this big mess, everything was this colossal mess, I’d colluded in the attempted murder of my daughter and God help me I couldn’t go in there and face her what the hell kind of a mother was I? And then water gushed out into the floor, I was standing in a puddle and I stared down wondering where the hell that came from and then I realized — it came from me.

Friday Feedback with Selene Castrovilla: Voice - The Heart of Your Story

Me, in my other true element. 

Ah, dear campers,

Somehow, too quickly, this is the last "official" Friday Feedback of our 2105 Teachers Write! summer. 

How ridiculously unfair!

I will post an unofficial wrap up with gifts, advice, links and giveaways next Friday, and welcome as many of you who still have time and stamina to show up there! I also remind you to read through the comments on our "So You Want to Join a Critique Group" post and chime in if you want to make connections there.

Now, without further ado, today's pretty amazing guest author, Selene Castrovilla* author of several picture books including the award-winning REVOLUTIONARY FRIENDS, as well as several young adult novels, is here to talk about that ever elusive and ever important, "VOICE" in story. How to find it and what it means.

Selene's most recent YA novel, MELT, "a brutal love story," has sure got a strong one going throughout! I know because I've read it. More particularly, I tore through it, heart-racing, and you will too. 

MELT has garnered SIX honors and awards, and none other than Jacqueline Woodson (BROWN GIRL DREAMING) has said about Selene & MELT that Selene is ". . . a writer worth watching." 


Jacqueline Woodson, so, I mean, it doesn't get much better than that.

p.s. the original post on voice sent to me by Selene was over 14 pages long! Um, FOURTEEN PAGES!! Too long for a blog post, but, gosh, don't you just love our guest authors?!? If you would like to read the entire post, with its many incredible examples, feel free to email me (g.polisner@gmail.com) and I will forward it to you for your reading pleasure! 

__________________________________________________________

If you like and have used this post, please check out my books HERE. 

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Now, here's Selene:

We often refer to voice in this most mystical sounding way: “You found your voice!” And while there is an ethereal aspect to writing which cannot be taught, voice is in fact something stemming from craft. Voice is not inspiration. Voice is the result of the writer transitioning inspiration into story using specific tools and techniques. Voice is the result of damn hard work and determination.

Patti Lee Gauch, one of the greatest children’s book editors, asks this question of writers: “Did you go far enough?”

Voice is what happens when you go far enough.

"Voice is the heart of your story. Literally: it is the mighty muscle though which our story’s life’s blood circulates and flows. Figuratively: It is the core, it is the essence. It is the truth."

Voice is the heart of your story. Literally: it is the mighty muscle though which our story’s life’s blood circulates and flows. Figuratively: It is the core, it is the essence. It is the truth.

Voice separates mediocre and even good writing from great. Voice is what makes you root for the hero, and even feel for the anti-hero. Voice leads to total immersion; comprehensive investment by the reader. If you put a book down without finishing, its voice did not compel you.

Voice is the way your story is told, in every aspect. It requires meticulous attention to details.

Everything we include in our story must circulate through voice.

Here’s how:

Character

Character is, of course, where we start. Plot stems from character. Because it is your character’s personality that determines where they will head, and how they will react to their circumstances. If Harry Potter had been a little jerk, things would’ve gone done differently at Hogwarts.

If you love a book you love the character’s journey (even if they are anti-heroes, you can can still enjoy their ride to either redemption or ruination.) Your character is your voice, because your story stems through his perceptions and experiences and choices. But we must develop this voice carefully and completely.

How do we present our character’s voice effectively? We must know it intimately. We must become this character.

Examples:

The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger:

“If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.”

What if it had been written like this: 

“I don’t feel like talking about my childhood. Especially not my parents.”

It boils down to the same information, but it lacks the voice. See the difference!?

Setting

It’s not enough to describe a powerful setting. This setting must be seen through the voice: the eyes and mood of your character. And if there’s more than one point of view, you must accomplish this multiple times. This is the most commonly ignored element I see. Your setting is not just a description of a place because no two people see a place the same way. 

Examples:

Last Night I Sang to the Monster by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

“Somebody put a calendar on the bulletin board in my room. I guess they wanted to make sure I knew what day it was. I think I heard a voice say, ‘You can make the days.’ That’s a funny thing to do with days. Mark them. Put an X on them. Cross them out.”

What if it had been written like this:

“There was a calendar in my room. They said I could mark off the days.”

America by E.R. Frank

        “You have to watch what you say around here because everything you say means something and somebody's always telling you what you mean.

         ‘Step off,’ I tell this nurse when she tries to get me to eat.

         ‘You mean, thank you for caring,’ she says. ‘You’re welcome.’

         ‘I need a lighter,’ I tell her, and she goes, ‘You mean you want a lighter. Dream on, sweetheart.’

         So I take their medicine and walk around in socks the ay they make you, and stay real quiet.”

What if it had been written like this:

“I’m stuck in this hospital where everything is misconstrued. So I comply with their rules and stay quiet.”

Sensory Details

The sensory details our character observes are totally dependent on that character’s state of mind, which lends to voice.

Examples:

The Catcher in the Rye

“Then she introduced me to this Navy guy.  His name was Commander Blop or something.  He was one of those guys that think they’re being a pansy if they don’t break around forty of your fingers when they shake hands with you.  God, I hate that stuff.”

What if it had been written like this:

“She introduced me to her date, a Navy fellow. He had a strong handshake.”

Precision of Language

 We have a rich language. So many words mean basically the same thing, but they possess different moods and shades. The texture of the words we choice weaves voice.

If you want your character to appear depressed or downtrodden, have them plod across the floor. If they are playful, have them scamper. When I wanted my character to be disdainful to the legal process (and in general), I gave him the line: “The assistant DA rolls in.” I could’ve used “strolls,” but “rolls” says so much more. That sentence has voice.

Sensory words

I also like to use words that have a sensory feeling to them, in conjunction with the voice:

glints - shiny, but it feels sharp

stammers - struggles to get words out, but with a brutal, stamping feel

Gustave Flaubert famously coined the term “le mot juste:” the right word. He labored to find the precise word which would reveal the truth on the page. I, too,believe that we must search for le mot juste. In fact, I find great satisfaction in this thrill of the word chase. One of my great joys is using  my Flip Dictionary (by Barbara Ann Kipfer, published by Writer’s Digest books.) It’s a thesaurus on steroids. Meant for writers, it will provide you with inspiration and aha! moments to enrich not only your story, but also you.

Here’s an example of both precision of language & sensory words:

As I lay Dying by William Faulkner

“It’s because he stays out there, right under the window, hammering and sawing on that goddamn box. Where she’s got to see him. Where every breath she draws is full of his knocking and sawing where she can see him saying See. See what a good one I am making for you. I told him to go somewhere else. I said Good God do you want to see her in it. It’s like when he was a little boy and she says if she had some fertilizer she would try to raise some flowers and he taken the bread pan and brought it back from the barn full of dung.

And now them others sitting there, like buzzards. Waiting, fanning themselves. Because I said If you wouldn’t keep on sawing and nailing at it until a man cant sleep even and her hands laying on the quilt like two of them roots dug up and tried to wash and you couldn’t get them clean.”

What if it was written like this:

“Cash is building my mother’s coffin right under her window. And the rest of the family sits in her room waiting for her to die.”

Pacing

Never underestimate the power of pacing to influence your voice. Pacing runs side by side with word choice, because the words you use determine your pacing. Short, staccato word chains create a different pace that long, weightier words.

Play with words as you build your sentences!

stumbles vs. trips

collapses vs. falls

wounded vs. hurt

Shift in voice

Voice can also do a shift. It can be dark to darkest, as in Macbeth by William Shakespeare

In the beginning Macbeth says:

“Come what come may,

Time and the hour runs through the darkest day.”

In the end he says:

“To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day

To the last syllable of recorded time,

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage

And then is heard no more: it is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

Signifying nothing.”

It can be hopeless to hopeful, as in You Don’t Know Me by David Klass:

In the beginning John says:

“You don’t know me.

Just for example, you think I’m upstairs in my room doing my homework. Wrong…And I am not in this house at all. I am in the middle of a hurricane. Thunder is cymbal-crashing above and beneath me. Lightening makes my hair stand up. Winds are spinning me like a top…You don’t know me at all.”

In the end he realizes:

“I look up into your eyes and I see the truth there, and I admit that I was mistaken all along.

So you do know me, Mom.

So you do know who I am after all.”

But this shift must be a consequence of the character’s journey. It can't appear out of nowhere. If that happens, the reader is at the least dissatisfied, and at the most disgusted. An unjustified shift of voice at the end is what makes us “hate that book” even if we enjoyed it to that point.

I hope this has helped you. (Oh, it has, Selene!! It has! It's a pretty extraordinary post!) 

And, now, since it's Friday Feedback, let's share bits of our work that reflect a strong moment of voice. Here's a moment from SIGNS OF LIFE, the sequel to MELT, due out January 2016! And if you're new to Friday Feedback, don't forget to scroll to the bottom of this link to read THE RULES. 

xox Selene (& gae)

Joey –Now

            I ain’t talked with her for almost a year.

            Scratch that. Shit. Grammar is a biatch. Do I get points for substituting ‘biatch’ in for the word I’d normally use? Doubtful. Mrs. Baker’s not cutting any breaks for stuff like that. She would say it would be better for me to avoid all such terms. She would go, “Grammar is unpleasant, Joseph. I believe that is what you meant to convey.”

            Not go. Say. “People ‘say,’ Joseph.” That's what Mrs. Baker would say. “They speak.”

            Right, Mrs. Baker. You're absolutely right. People speak.

            Except when they don’t.

            Except when they can’t.

            Sometimes they ‘go,’ but it has nothing to do with speaking. Or leaving for that matter. Sometimes they go even when they’re here, and that sucks.

            Oh, sorry Mrs. Baker. I mean, that is unpleasant.

            But really, it sucks.

            I promised her I’d graduate, and go to community college. Not Mrs. Baker. Doll. I promised Doll. I didn’t think I’d get in to the college, but she said “Try, just try,” and so I applied, and they took me. Go figure.