If you've been to Friday Feedback summers past (or are a fan of great realistic YA, MG, AND adorable laugh out loud picture books), you are no stranger to my Best Virtual Friend Ever (okay, okay, we are also friends in real life but we took on the title before we ever met!), Amy Fellner Dominy.
I love Amy's writing and stories, and I have learned so much from her over the years. So without a big unnecessary lead in from me, just know you are in awesome hands today.
Heeeere's Amy:
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That’s when I wrote my first novel, Thomas and the
Tunnelworms. It was a direct rip off of Roald Dahl’s James and the Giant
Peach. Dahl wrote widely inventive tales with oddball characters and a
wacky humor that I loved and absolutely could not replicate.
You’d think I would learn, right? But no.
As I grew older, I fell in love with Tolkien and tried to
write epic fantasy.
Epic fail.
I fell in awe with the world building of sci fi and
dystopian novels. I read Kristin Cashore’s Graceling series and decided
to create my own universe with beautiful maps and topography.
I can’t even read a map.
There were also attempts at poetic, lyrical writing over the
years. Countless times when I would set down a literary novel and pick up my
laptop trying to channel beauty through my short, stubby fingers. (Including,
by the way, every time I read one of Gae’s novels.)
No go.
A few years ago, I read Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
and decided that I, too, could write twisty plots that would make reader’s gasp
in shock.
Turns out, not so much.
Mysteries and spy thrillers were also attempted with the
same results.
I finally came to my senses this year and I owe it to Delia
Owens’ Where the Crawdads Sing. The descriptions of the setting
are so beautiful I wanted to craft something one tenth as perfect.
And it hit me that I never would. Writing descriptive
passages has never come easy for me—no matter how much I’ve worked on it over
the years. So why was I spending so much energy and time over the years trying
to match the strengths of other authors—and failing. Maybe what I needed to do
was to figure out what I’m good at.
The truth is we all have strengths and weaknesses. The trick
is figuring out what they are and building on our writing strengths while
minimizing our weaknesses.
Here’s what I discovered about me:
Weaknesses (Things I struggle to write): World building.
Lyrical writing. Poetry. Intricate plots. Large casts. Fantasies.
Descriptions.
Strengths (Things I like to write): Contemporary stories.
Realistic fiction. Teen stories. The emotional, inner musings of characters.
Dialogue. Humor. Romance. Small casts.
So, what if I wrote a book and focused on my strengths? I
could write about the inner world of a few characters and their conflicts. I
could sprinkle in a few laughs and a few kisses. I could have a ton of dialogue
and never tell you what a single sunset looked like.
And that’s exactly what I did with Announcing Trouble, my
newest book that hits shelves on August 5th. It was the most
fun I’ve had writing in a very long time. Announcing Trouble is a
contemporary teen story full of romance, humor and heart. And along with teen
books, I’m also writing funny picture books that are all dialogue.
Finally, I’m measuring up to the highest ideal of them all:
My best self.
☺
Now it’s your turn to ask yourself the same questions. What
do you most like to write? Where do your strengths lie? Here’s a simple way to
help you figure out the answer:
When you look through your WIP, what is your favorite
scene and why?
It just might reflect a strength of yours.
Today, I’d love you to share that passage with the rest of
us. Also, tell us why it’s your favorite—why was it fun to write? Is there a
truth in there you can build upon in your own writing?
We all admire other authors and that’s a great thing. But
it’s when we allow our own unique strengths and voice to shine that we do our
best work.
So here’s the scene I’d like to share with you. It’s a
passage from Announcing Trouble. First a little about the
book:
I may know everything there is to know about baseball,
but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Or like him. Garrett
Reeves: sidelined player and the embodiment of everything I’ve learned to hate
about baseball. He’s gorgeous, he’s cocky, he’s laser-focused on getting back
in the game, no matter the cost.
When he convinces me to call games alongside him, our chemistry heats up the booth. We’re good together, whether I want to admit it or not. I’m finding that I like baseball again, but even worse, I’m liking Garrett. A lot.
But when he has to decide between our future and a new shot at his dreams, I know baseball will win out every time.
Disclaimer: This Entangled Teen Crush book has tons of hilarious banter, lots of sexual tension, and a hero who will throw a wild pitch right at your heart.
When he convinces me to call games alongside him, our chemistry heats up the booth. We’re good together, whether I want to admit it or not. I’m finding that I like baseball again, but even worse, I’m liking Garrett. A lot.
But when he has to decide between our future and a new shot at his dreams, I know baseball will win out every time.
Disclaimer: This Entangled Teen Crush book has tons of hilarious banter, lots of sexual tension, and a hero who will throw a wild pitch right at your heart.
And now, here's my scene for feedback (if you're not familiar with the RULES please read them there first!):
“We can win this thing, Walters. I mean, how can we lose?
I’m charming and insightful, and you understand the nuances of the game. Plus,
you’re a girl.”
I blink in disbelief. “That’s what I bring to this team? I’m
a girl.”
“It’s a bonus. Sets us apart. How many others will have a
girl who knows her shit the way you do?” His head tilts as he studies me.
“Especially one who’s so pretty.”
My jaw drops. “Am I supposed to be flattered? Because that’s
incredibly sexist, not to mention patronizing and...”
“Demeaning?” he adds helpfully.
He laughs. “It’s just
an observation. Right now our camera is fixed on the field, but there might be
opportunity for video, too. And you have nice eyes. Except when you frown and
you get these weird slash marks between your eyes.” He points. “Yeah. Like
those. I love the vintage tees, but your sandals are hideous. We’ll cut those
out of our publicity photo.”
“Publicity photo?”
“We need to submit it with our game tape.”
It’s all I can do not to scream. “There is going to be no
game tape. I’m not saying yes.”
“Because I don’t like your sandals?”
“Leave my sandals out of this!”
“That’s my point exactly.” His eyes gleam. “See, we’re
already in agreement.”
Looking forward to reading your excerpts in the comments!
- Amy (and gae)
p.s. If you’re interested in reading more, the first chapter
is available on my website: amy@amydominy.com.
You’ll find it HERE.
I’m also starting a monthly newsletter with giveaways, excerpts and book news.
If you’d to sign up, let me know in your comments. My mailing list isn’t quite
set up yet, but I can add you myself. ☺
Thanks so much to Gae for hosting me today. And thanks to
you all for taking time to read this. I hope you’ll share an excerpt, too! I’ll
be checking in all day and I’d love to read what you’re working on.
Amy - You certainly have found one of the things you are good at; that dialogue sings. I love witty dialogue that shows character. I definitely want to get to know these two.
ReplyDeleteWhat wonderful advice. I've tried to write like everyone from Raymond Chandler to Stephen King, with little success. I have a long list of authors I wish I could write like. I have a good handle on what I'm NOT good at, but I'm still searching for the things I'm good at. I think dialogue is a strength. My students tell me I'm good at creating cliffhanger chapter endings. I think I have a good insight into what/how MG readers really think (as opposed to what adults think they think -- one of my biggest pet peeves as a teacher).
I don't really have a great writing sample for this week, but here's a short piece of my WIP (the same work I've been sharing here the last several weeks). I hope it rings true as a 13-14 year old's inner dialogue.
“I can’t believe we’re going to miss Technology class because of a stupid assembly.”
If you could call anyone here my friend, I guess it would be Jeff Petersen. He’s a geek like me, but he also plays on the baseball team, so he doesn’t get picked on like the rest of us. He’s the only other kid at Dixon who I can talk to about computer stuff. I must be the only one here he can talk to about this stuff, too, because his jock side ignores the fact that I’m a geek, and his own geek side wins the contest.
“Whatever,” I say. That’s such a great word. You can use it in so many situations when you’re required to say something but you don’t want to say anything.
Jeff goes on, but I’m not listening. All I’ve been able to do since it was announced yesterday is think abut this assembly. The more I think about it, the more I want to throw up.
A note went home to our parents (or “guardians” or “caregivers,” the two words they like to add to “parents” because they think kids like me might be able to forget we don’t have any). It said that someone from Gen-Net was coming to our school today. It said something about helping the swell folks at Gen-Net solve a mystery. I have a good hunch that the device in my backpack is the answer to that mystery.
Hi David. Thanks for the nice words! Also good to know I'm not the only one who has tried to emulate others. I also went through a Stephen King phase after reading THE STAND.
DeleteYou're obviously good with dialogue and cliffhangers--I can see that here from your snippet. I love this excerpt--feels perfect for MG. Love the geek vs. jock bit and I'm completely sucked in by whatever is in the backpack. A great hook. I read this out loud and the only bit that slowed me down was the sentence that begins, "you can use it in so many situations..." It didn't quite ring out as tweenish...or maybe it's the way it's worded. At this point, I would keep going. You can fix little things later. For now, you have a great MG mystery brewing.
Thanks for sharing.
Agree with Amy that I love this snippet, it totally hooks me -- the typical universal dread of "assembly" being compounded by the hook that it's something personal to your MC here... something dangerous to him. Great stuff.
DeleteHi, Amy, thank you so much for doing this. I really appreciate your transparency in your journey. I'm glad you found your love of what to write. I really enjoyed the scene you shared, you could see through the dialogue right away a lot about these two characters. And I really like that you picked baseball, what an interesting idea. It sounds like you have a homerun on your hand, sorry, had to do it, dialogue and humor is what I love to write.
ReplyDeleteHere's a snippet from a YA mystery WIP I am working on.
The river always brought us something, plastic bottles, beer cans, a piece of luggage, one time it sent the head of a plastic snowman. Gram joked that the river gives us these offerings so we won't pee in it or pollute it with trash. Today the river raised the stakes, it brought us a body.
The body showed up right as Lizzy Cutterson was getting baptized. The First Congregation of the Lord liked to baptize in the Rison River. So there was the whole congregation, about forty of us, along the river bank watching Lizzy get dunked.
Lizzy was the sixth person to get baptized so the water was stirred up and muddy. "Look, Mama," Lizzy's younger sister yelled when Pastor John raised Lizzy out of the water. "Lizzy's grown an extra arm and it's a different color."
Lizzy, shrieked and flapped her arms, her two not the third one. Preacher John yelled for Jesus and Gram caught hold of Helen Munscie who fainted.
"Who do you think it is, Jury," Dell asked me as the bloated body floated by.
"Can't tell," I answered, although the corpse looked familiar. "Come on, it's heading towards our place."
"Jury," Gram yelled. "Don't you be touching that body."
Thanks again Amy and Gae you too. Appreciate your work and time.
A writer after my own heart, Martha--dialogue and humor. :)
DeleteLove this excerpt. The humor definitely shines through which is saying something because you've just introduced a dead body. I love the voice--both in the narrative and also in the dialogue. Well done!
The one thing I think you can work on is your grammar. You use commas where periods would work better. For instance, "Today the river raised the stakes. It brought us a body." I'm no grammar guru, but think about where you need pauses as you're writing both for readers to understand but also for emphasis, dramatic pauses, etc. Especially when you're writing humor, you can use grammar to punctuate the punchline.
Hopefully that makes sense! Keep writing and thanks for sharing.
THIS! What Amy said: "The humor definitely shines through which is saying something because you've just introduced a dead body." That scene is GREAT!!! I adore it. And also yes to the punctuation stuff. Breaking those sentences in short complete definitive pieces really makes it pop!
DeleteI love the banter of your excerpt. Banter is one of my favorite things, and yours really works. It got me interested in reading your story. Based on this, it seems like a fun read.
ReplyDeleteI chose a piece of banter from one of my WIP. Thanks for reading it.
Nick shot a suspicious look Grayson’s way. “He’s not going to try and harvest my liver or something, is he?”
Darcy scoffed. “Your liver? Now you’re just being ridiculous. If he were going to start harvesting organs, I’m sure he’d choose one that still functions properly.” She pretended to think. “I was going to say your heart, but…” she trailed off and let silence sell the joke.
“Hilarious,” Nick deadpanned. “It’s like I’m watching SNL.”
Darcy’s grin lit up her face. Seeing it, Nick laughed despite himself. It was nice to share a moment of levity her.
Grayson did not share their mirth. In fact, his mood soured the more he watched the two of them. He didn’t like the easy familiarity the two were falling into. Did not like it at all. “If the two of you are done flirting, I’m ready for you now.”
I thought that I had it set where it showed my name. Hopefully I have it fixed now.
DeleteBethany
Hi Bethany,
DeleteYay for banter. Obviously it's one of my favs and I'm really glad you liked some of mine. I also really like yours! The wit here is dry and sarcastic--gives me a feel for the characters and it's very engaging--makes me like them. You had me smiling as I read.
One thing to be careful about is POV--whose head you're in. It feels like we're in Darcy's at the beginning but then it definitely shifts to Nick when he thinks, "It was nice to share a moment of levity with her." And then the last bit is in Grayson's POV and we're in his head as his mood sours. It's cleaner and clearer for the reader if you stick to one POV. I have seen author's "head hop successfully." Nora Roberts does it all the time and she's fairly successful. ;) But for most of us, it's best to stay in one characters head, at least throughout a scene.I always try and choose the character who has the most at stake in the scene. Once you end a scene or a chapter, it's OK to switch without confusing your reader.
Hope that helps. Thanks for sharing!
I'm so glad Amy's "banter" encouraged other banter. Enjoyed yours a LOT, Bethany! And, yes, to what Amy said. In fact, your banter -- dialogue -- is so could, you could let that very good dialogue do the bulk of the work with only minimal dialogue tags or "stage directions." So merely for illustrative purposes, if I took some out, the dialogue might soar (and pop) even more {thus making you the recipient of my first Summer 2019 Super Speed Flash Edit... really only just to show you how good your dialogue is}:
DeleteNick shot a Grayson a suspicious look. “He’s not going to try and harvest my liver or something, is he?”
Darcy scoffed. “Your liver? Now you’re just being ridiculous. If he were going to start harvesting organs, I’m sure he’d choose one that still functions properly. I was going to say your heart, but…”
“Hilarious,” Nick deadpanned. “It’s like I’m watching SNL.”
Darcy’s grin lit up her face, and Nick laughed despite himself. It was nice to share a moment of levity her.
Grayson did not share their mirth. In fact, his mood soured the more he watched the two. He didn’t like the easy familiarity they were falling into. Did not like it at all. “If the two of you are done flirting, I’m ready for you now.”
Thank you both so much. I actually added several of the tags and extra sentences this morning before I posted because I was afraid it wouldn't be clear without it. I usually feel good about my dialogue but struggle with feeling like I don't give enough information in tags, etc. Your comments make me feel a bit more confident about not needing as much explanatory text.
DeleteThanks again!
Thanks so much for sharing your truthful writing journey. I am still trying to find my voice. I especially like your one liners after the dialogue: I blink in disbelief. His head tilts as he studies me. My jaw drops. His eyes gleam. Showing not telling. Great banter going on.
ReplyDeleteI am sharing an excerpt from something I have been working on very slowing. I only have one chapter. The character is based on our experience with adopting our own daughter from Tonga. Our daughter has also given me details. When I start to crawl, my mother wraps me around her waist with a bright cotton cloth, and we walk three or four miles to the bush. The bush is ghetto. The bush is shacks, no electricity, plumbing, or phones. My mother’s mother is there; grandma, kui fefine, barely a grandma herself, for she was sixteen when she bore her first child.
“Still sleeping with married man?” says kui fefine.
She ignores her mother’s question, and instead asks: “Can you take Samena for awhile? She is crawling now, and I cannot keep her.”
“I have five other mouths to feed, and where will I get food for them and her?”
“I will send money.”
Kui fefine swats at a fly around her head. “Did you see that woman in town who is taking babies to America? You should talk to her, better life for Samena.”
That is my name. Samena. My mother did go see the woman from America, and the woman gave her some instructions of things for her to accomplish before she could take me to America. First, my mother took me to a dingy clinic in which a German doctor with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth had to sign a paper that I was fit. Then, I had my picture taken for a VISA, and I look sad. I was three and a half by the time everything went through. I know all these things because my adopted mother told me. I asked her over and over again to tell me about my birth mother, tell me about Tonga, tell me anything and everything.
This is what she knows, and what I know. My mother was 15 when she had me. Her mother, kui fefine, kicked her out because she disgraced her family hooking up with a married man. So, my mother lived in a shack with another girl who was also in the same predicament.
I was three when I boarded a plane with a lady who put a new dress and some new underwear on me. My ears hurt on the plane and I was scared of the toilet. I watched out the window as the palm trees swayed, and the ocean stretched out. I had never seen the ocean, and I did not know what it was. I pointed, and the lady said, “tahi,” or sea. The blue green water looked like swaying grass. I awoke once in the semi-darkness, and cried out for my mother. The lady comforted my whimpering, and I fell asleep. When I woke again, the gray dawn was peeking through the small window.
Sorry, I should have fixed the format before I sent!
ReplyDeleteHi Kay,
ReplyDeleteNo problem about the format...I figured out it was wonky at the start. :)
This excerpt of yours feels like the opening of a memoir. It makes me think of MY NAME IS MALALA--a girl from another culture telling her story. It's a story I would love to read!
The writing is evocative and I was immediately drawn in with the visit to grandma. There are little gems here where I felt a tug of emotion. Like "I had my picture taken for a VISA and I look sad. The simplicity of the statement only draws more attention to how NOT simple it is. Her whole life has been ripped away.
I'm not sure about the way you have it organized right now. The paragraph "This is what she knows..." feels like it might be in the wrong spot. I'm not sure though because I'm only seeing a little.
I hope you'll continue to work on this. Put words on the page even if you're not sure they're right. Figure out what this might be because you definitely have a unique and interesting story to tell.
Thanks for sharing,
Amy
Kay, everything that Amy says. And, yes, that "sad" line. Keep going!!!!
DeleteAmy Thank you so much for sharing how you have changed and even though I may believe published means polished and done growing, it does not mean that and may be should not.
ReplyDeleteI want to read this book and share it with my goddaughter who reads so much! The dialogue makes me want to see where this goes. He likes her and she knows this but understandably questions his sensibility. It is playful but could be offensive to her. I want to know them or feel like I do. I loved all of it. Concise and no word needs to be added or removed. The characters are clear in my head.Thank you.
My excerpt is from a memoir I began shortly after my wedding many years ago to my still high school sweetheart. Not sure if I will finish it, that is my con. So many great scenes but nothing finished. Maybe that way I can never truly fail. No rejections if nothing is ever shared!!
Roughly chapter 3 in Yield
My boyfriend, his cousin and I pulled out of the mall lot into a slow sprinkling rain that looked like glitter on the pavement in the hot July sun. My knees touching the glovebox in a teen tantrum of literally being asked to take the back seat. John’s cousin stuffed into that seat and all three of us chattering about summer plans without one seatbelt in place. Talking and laughing about Great America tomorrow, the lakefront tonight. I had just graduated high school, summer was a shiny forever kind.
There inside the glitter was the car from my nightmare. Clear now I was the victim of this horrible accident I had seen in my dream and put my hands out to brace myself from the impact. The screaming exploded all around as I fell and fell then hung in the air floating as the noise became crying, yelling, voices outside my own murmuring under water then sirens bursting through.
There was a steady rain that roared down on my head. It was all I could do to hold my hands under my chin to keep it from flooding the car. I felt as though my legs would float away. I moved my elbow to hit John so he could close the windows. The rain would surely ruin the inside of the car.
“Baby? Baby are you OK. Um, uh, um just here. Can you move your hands?. Can you move your hands? Let me see.” I heard him so far away. His deep strong voice was changed, strained from above but high pitched and shaky. I heard the directions. My hands would not move quickly from my face, would not stop catching the warm, sticky rain. The car will flood, I thought. Doesn’t he see the rain? Where is he going without me? Slowly my hands grew heavy and fell onto my thighs with a slap, still feeling the stream falling there. An exhaustion and peace settled me into the flooding car, unable to worry any more about the rain. The floating ended and I felt heavy in my seat wet and sticky.
Hi Diane,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words about my excerpt. I hope you'll share it with your goddaughter--love that she's a reader!
I can appreciate your insight into not finishing. I think many of us have reasons not to write that have nothing to do with finding the time or the other excuses we make. It's hard to put the words on paper, to admit that they might not be perfect, to discover we might not have a clue what we're doing. But the great thing about "The End" is it's just another beginning. It's a chance to rewrite and revise knowing more about your story than you did before. I hope you will keep on with this!
There are some really strong moments here. I love how you describe the actual impact and then the rain which is not rain at all. I love the boyfriend asking can you move your hands. It's all becoming frightfully clear to me at that point and it's very powerful.
I had a few questions as I read. How are her knees on the glovebox a teen tantrum? I love the words and the image, but not sure I understood that. Also love the sound of "shiny forever kind" but again not sure it made sense to me. It may not need to, of course. Sometimes the rhythm of words is enough, but these are things that pulled me out. And the last question is when she says "Clear now I was the victim of this horrible accident I had seen in my dream." Is that connected to something that comes earlier? Otherwise, I think you can take that out and move into what happens. As I said, I love how you handled the crash and I liked that you let me discover what was actually happening as the scene goes on.
Really nice! Thanks so much for sharing!
Amy
Oh thank you for response. Yes dream and sitting so close are earlier and later. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
DeleteHi, Diane, sorry I'm late to my own party. Yes to all Amy said. I do love that opening glitter rain sentence so so much. Wonder with the teen tantrum line if it's the adjective you use. Touching. "My knees touching the glovebox in a teen tantrum of literally being asked to take the back seat." That's such a gentle adjective as opposed to, say, pressed or slammed, etc. Food for thought on revision, but right now JUST KEEP GOING. It seems like an important story to write.
Delete
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