Friday Feedback: Josh Funk & The DOs and DON’Ts of Rhyming Picture Books - with a *BONUS* Announcement!

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Happy Friday, all you glorious writers!!

It's time for Friday Feedback again, and we have the awesome Josh Funk returning with another stellar share on writing picture books and the "Dos and Don'ts of Rhyming." 

As if that's not enough, he has a bonus announcement, so I'll shut up and let him get going! 

Look for another giveaway of a
"lit circle set" coming soon on my
facebook author page!

***Please remember before you participate to read the RULES, and if you're not working on a picture book, that's okay, you may still participate and we will give you feedback in the comments! And if you like what we do here, please buy our books (my newest is IN SIGHT OF STARS (but you want all of them ;) ) and Josh's newest is How To Code a Sandcastle (but you want all of them!) ) and share our titles with your friends. 

If you can't buy ALL the books, ask your local library to order them in. ***

And now, without further ado, here's Josh with his picture book magic and a special announcement saved for all of us here!!!

Hey, friends! I’m psyched that Gae invited me back to Teachers Write Friday Feedback for a second year!

Josh Funk writes silly stories and somehow tricks people into publishing them as books -
such as the Lady Pancake & Sir French Toast series,
How to Code a Sandcastle (and the upcoming sequel How to Code a Rollercoaster), ​It's Not Jack and the Beanstalk, Dear Dragon, Albie Newton, Pirasaurs! and more!!!

You may remember that last summer I discussed the importance of considering the read aloud-ability of the picture book. I also shared a portion of a manuscript called It’s Not Hansel and Gretel (a follow-up to my 2017 book It’sNot Jack and the Beanstalk). 

More on that in a bit. *wink* 

This year, I’d like to discuss Rhyming Picture Books.

In the coming months, my 8th (Lost in the Library on 8.28) and 9th (Lady Pancake & Sir French Toast #3: Mission Defrostable on 9.25) picture books will be released (both available for pre-order now ...). Of those nine books, seven of them are written in rhyme.

You may have heard that rhyming picture books are frowned upon within the industry. However, as an educator, you’ve probably noticed that there are still lots of new picture books released every year that are written in rhyme. So what’s the deal?

The simple answer is that it’s hard to write in rhyme - or in other words, it’s easy to write bad rhyme. And agents and editors see lots and lots and LOTS of bad rhyme, which is what gives all rhyme the negative stigma.

But why is it so hard to write good rhyming picture books? My theory is that there are a LOT of mistakes you can make along the way - very few DOs and a plethora of DON’Ts: Here’s a short(ish) list of tips to get you thinking*:

DO remember that the most important aspect of a rhyming picture book is not the rhyme, or even the rhythm. The most important aspect of a rhyming picture book is that it has a good story.

DO know that rhythm is more difficult to master than rhyme. Any first grader can rhyme. But creating a rhythm that all readers will read correctly, regardless of accent, without having ever read or heard the words before - that is very difficult and can take years of practice.

DON’T expect your rhyming picture picture book to be translated into other languages. If it rhymes in English, it isn’t likely to rhyme in Spanish. Or Mandarin. Or Klingon.

DON’T say that your manuscript rhymes in your query letter to agents - it will only give them a reason to stop reading before they get to the actual story.

DON’T force yourself to study poetry. I love poetry, but the truth is, you don’t need to know anything about iambic septameter or how many metrical feet are in your manuscript. You just have to craft it so the reader can read (and perform) it well.

DON’T commit the following examples of Rhyme Crime:

• Simple, Everyday, Cliche Rhyme: “My cat ate my hat, well look at that.”

• Near Rhyme: “I see a staple, it’s right on the table.” 

• Forced Rhyme: “I opened my giant umbrella. It’s raining, I said to that fella.”

• Regional Rhyme/Rhythm: “In England, you see lots of rain. But I’m in the U.S. again.”

• Seussian Rhyme: “Dr. Seuss was Dr. Seuss, and nobody else can do that shlamboose.”

• Yoda Rhyme: “It’s raining and wet. In the car, I must get.”

DON’T give up. I believe that anyone can write in rhyme if they’re willing to put in the time and get the proper feedback.

* Of course, these are only my opinions. You’re welcome to disagree. And you’re likely to find many examples of published books that go against these DOs and DON’Ts, perhaps even examples from my own books.

And with that, this IS Friday Feedback, so for your feedback, I’d like to share a portion of an untitled future (hopefully) Lady Pancake & Sir French Toast rhyming picture book manuscript, in which, after several adventures and who knows how many days/weeks/years of sitting in a fridge, our main characters begin to start feeling their moldy old age... As Gae warned above, please READ THE RULES first if you've never participated before.

Also, since picture books have a minimum of words, sharing here for that format (vs a middle grade, YA or adult work in progress) means sharing a substantial part of your text which then puts it out in the world. . .  As such, at the end of the weekend, Gae will be redacting the comments with substantial picture books excerpts (leaving my feedback up for you to return to whenever you need).

Okay, so here we go!

[Page 8-9]

Baron Von Waffle said, “Yup. You look gruesome.

I’ve never seen such a hideous twosome.”

Inspector Croissant said, “But wait! There’s a cure!

Check out Professor Garbanzo’s brochure!”

[brochure]

Starting to mildew or curdle or crumble?

Don’t sit around and complain, pout, and grumble!

Try out my patented DE-spoiling ray!

Feel fresh again. Come and visit today!

[Page 10-11]

Off to Professor Garbanzo’s they strode.

Down to her lab on Falafel Ball Road.

“Greetings!” she said as she tightened a gear.

“Here for despoiling? Terrific! Sit here!”

Nervously, Pancake and Toast buckled in.

Garbanzo gave one tiny knob a quick spin.

[Page 12-13]

With whooshes and whistles, a spark and a blast

The despoiling ray shot a laser at last!

“Where did they go?” Waffle asked through the smoke.

“Right over here!” a falsetto voice spoke.

Inspector Croissant asked, “Who said that? A ghost?”

[Page 14-15]

“I’m Mini Miss Pancake.” “I’m Squire French Toast!”

I appreciate any and all feedback you’ve got.

(Regarding the pagination, I’d plan for this book to be the same length (40 pages) as the previous books in the Lady Pancake & Sir French Toast series with 16 full spreads. For more information on lengths of picture books, see Debbie Ohi’s post explaining how 40 page self-endedpicture books work)

Oh, and now for that *BONUS* Announcement:

In part due to all of the wonderful feedback you gave me last year (thank you very much, FF-ers!), It’s Not Hansel and Gretel is becoming a book. And here today, as part of Friday Feedback and #TeachersWrite, I’m pleased to reveal the cover:

Illustrated brilliantly once again by Edwardian Taylor, It’s Not Hansel and Gretel will be released on March 1st, 2019 - and is available for pre-order now!

Thanks again for having me and for reading! I look forward to reading your manuscript excerpts.

xox Josh -- and gae!

​

**For more information about Josh Funk, visit him at www.joshfunkbooks.com and on Twitter at @joshfunkbooks.

Friday Feedback: What Motivates You? (and Happy New Year!). A Post for Wendy.

Author photo courtesy Rick Kopstein,
turned into sepia tone courtesy of PicMonkey

So, about a week ago, I got this note from Teachers Write! camper, library media specialist, and writer, Wendy Watts Scalfaro, in my message box:

"Hi, Gae. I'm wondering what the schedule is like for Friday Feedback (if there is one)? I'm working on some writing goals, and would like to have Friday Feedback as one of my motivators for getting some writing done."

Maybe as Wendy typed out that note to me, she felt some trepidation: Is it okay to ask? Am I bugging her? Am I putting myself on the spot?

It brought me HUGE joy to see that note there in my message box.

I've talked about before how, as writers (or at least as a midlist writer), we do what we do, whether blogging or writing novels, so often in a vacuum, without a clue as to what (if any) effect we might have on our readers. Hearing directly that something we did matters, connects with someone on a meaningful level, or better yet inspires them in some small way, is such icing on the cake, you don't know.  

Wendy's note, together with the New Year, and an unexpected note from author Kate Messner  (which I will share in a moment), came for me at a most needed time. 

I have been waist-deep -- make that neck-deep -- slogging through a proverbial SLUMP. 

Distracted. 

Unfocused. 

Unproductive. 

I badly needed MOTIVATION.

Suddenly, those three things coupled together, brought it to me. Motivation. Knowing that someone was actually waiting for my words, wanting them, and appreciating them, for me, is the most amazing motivator in the world.

So, when Wendy asked me to get my ass in gear (yes, she did), I decided to blog on what motivates me, and others, most. I decided to ask many of my awesome writer friends, plus Wendy, to share what motivates them. For some it is deadlines, for others, fear, for still others, an encouraging word from a friend. Hope some of it might motivate you to get writing again. 

Wendy, this Friday Feedback is for you!

p.s. I don't know why Blogger has decided to put some of the below in white highlight and not others. Don't know how to fix it. Sorry for the glare. 

Happy New Year! Get cracking! Make some noise! Toss confetti!

WHAT MOTIVATES US MOST?

Gae: I am a big fan of New Year's resolutions, a fresh start, promises typed across a blank slate. For me, the New Year is always that shining beacon, a point at which I can reset, and start again. I needed it badly this year. Maybe self-doubt had crept in, or maybe it's the dog's fault and I can keep blaming him, but both the New Year and the very unexpected note from admired author friend, Kate Messner, who, unbeknownst to me, had just finished an Advance Reader Copy of THE SUMMER OF LETTING GO, set my heart ablaze with hope and motivation again. The whole note is below with Kate's permission, but the part that motivated me the most was this:

"It's funny - people ask me all the time if I miss teaching, and usually, I'm okay... 

I love what I do now and get to do so many writing workshops with the kids when I travel. 

But your book made me wish for a minute that I still had a 7th grade classroom 

so I could book-talk it and put it in kids' hands."

         

How could I not be inspired to get back to writing after that? 

I asked Wendy** if she might share what it is about Friday Feedback that was serving to motivate her too:

Wendy: I am motivated by That Wee Bit Heap in general, and Friday Feedback specifically, because you provide a no holds barred critique of participants’ writing, and because you're a real person with every day challenges (writing and personal) that I can relate to.

Challenges, indeed! ;) And, hooray!!

Here's what motivates some other awesome authors who were kind enough to participate:

Kate: The most honest answer I can give you isn’t all that sparkly. Usually, the thing that motivates me is just the writing – looking forward to it and feeling gratitude that I get to do this as my job. On the tougher days, when things aren’t going well, I’m very motivated by my deadlines and my desire to KEEP this as my full-time job. I understand and appreciate that being able to do this is a gift and a privilege, and I don’t take that lightly, so just that is usually plenty of motivation for me to settle down to work.

-- Kate Messner, WAKE UP MISSING (2013)

Caroline: This may sound silly, but writing down daily totals in my calendar (sometimes a word count, sometimes hours spent working) really is satisfying. I like seeing everything all lined up. I also have two friends I'm in regular contact with over email. We touch base throughout the week to check in on our writing. Various pep-talks ensue. My biggest motivation, though, is always a deadline!

-- Caroline Starr Rose, BLUE BIRDS (winter 2015)

www.carolinestarrrose.com

Nova Ren: There are many gaping moments when I find myself stuck during the writing of a novel, so to give myself the push of motivation, I return to my favorite piece of the manuscript, the spot that keeps the fire going, the spark. I stop what I'm doing and reread those paragraphs to myself, sometimes aloud, sometimes in my head, as many times as it takes until I remember why I need to write this and why I won't—can't—give up until it's done.

— Nova Ren Suma, 17 & GONE (Dutton, 2013)

www.novaren.com

Cat: This sounds strange, but I'm motivated by being busy. I love the occasional slow day, but in general, I like to keep my schedule pretty packed. When I'm doing activities like driving kids, exercising, or cleaning, I'm always thinking about my WIP: hashing things out, fitting the pieces together. Then, with a finite amount of time for the actual act of putting fingertips to keyboard, I'm forced to get serious and just...write. 

-- Cat Patrick, THE ORIGINALS, JUST LIKE FATE (Cat Patrick & Suzanne Young)

www.catpatrick.com. 

Tania: At first, I'll get an idea and I'll be convinced that this time, I've got a chance at writing something possibly terrific. That's huge motivation. I spend some time getting the idea down on the page, encountering a few problems but still excited, still chasing the idea. Later, with chapters out of place and characters dangling and the plot taking turns for the worse, the motivation becomes one of simple survival. Will I ever get out of this book alive? There's satisfaction in managing to fix problems and get the thing working but I'm basically I'm in damage control mode.  After a certain point, I just want to finish the thing. That's what keeps me going. Because inevitably, well before I've finished, a new idea is tugging at my mind. A new idea! An idea to end all other ideas....And so it goes on.

-- Tania Unsworth, THE ONE SAFE PLACE (Orion, UK, Jan 2014, AYR, April 2014)

twitter: @TaniaUnsworth1

Alissa: What motivates me to write, is the fact that I'm lucky enough to have some time to do it. I can remember a time when between jobs and other commitments, finding time to write was a struggle. So, when I have the time to write, I don't want to squander it - even if what I end up writing is stuff that will end up getting tossed when it comes time for revisions.

-- Alissa Grosso, SHALLOW POND 

alissagrosso.com

Terry: Recently, trying not to lose a word sprint #30mdare for fear of getting a crazy avatar chosen by the winner. Fear works for me as a motivator. 

— Terry Lynn Johnson ICE DOGS

www.terrylynnjohnson.com

Matt: What motivates me to write -- and what especially motivated me to finish my latest MG novel, is the belief that someone out there is going through something pretty rotten, and that books have the power to help through humor, compassion, and realism.  The best compliment I've gotten from readers is that my book made them better or stronger or a bit lighter.

Matt Blackstone, SORRY YOU'RE LOST (January 21, 2015)

www.mattblackstonebooks.com

Carole: Writing is a lonely business, and years pass between the spark of an idea and words reaching readers. What keeps me motivated is the fellowship of other writers, perhaps thousands of miles away but together in spirit. Knowing that other writers are also facing a blank screen every day, tossing most of what they do write, waiting to hear from agents or editors, inspires me to write on. Love you guys!

-- Carole Estby Dagg, THE YEAR WE WERE FAMOUS
www.CaroleEstbyDagg.com

Amy: I schedule weekly or monthly deadlines with critique partners. Knowing I need finished chapters to exchange always keeps me writing even when I’d rather not. 

Amy Fellner Dominy, A MATTER OF HEART (Spring 2015)

www.amydominy.com

Megan: I have two big things I turn to for motivators when I'm stuck, and they go hand in hand: A good walk with a brilliant soundtrack on my iPod, mostly of the indie variety. Meaningful music, nature, and peoplewatching always light a fire under my muse's ass and get me back to work.

-- Megan Bostic, DISSECTED

http://www.meganbosticauthor.com/

So, with all that said, it's a New Year, and it's Friday Feedback time. YOU KNOW THE RULES! 

I'm putting my "Brave is as brave does" motto to the test today, by posting a REALLY ROUGH, may not even stay, new opening to the manuscript I'm working on. I'm not telling you much about it. But have at it. Does it hook you? What works? What doesn't? Then post your own excerpt for feedback if you want. And, include a sentence about what motivates you!

xox gae

The boy, Kyle, stares at me where I sit on the bed in his T-shirt and a pair of his plaid pajama pants, both way too big. He’s average height, taller than me, solid, with reddish blond hair.

He doesn’t look familiar.

The apartment I’m in (where the man brought me) is nice. Comfortable, but not fancy. Brooklyn Heights, he said. A borough of New York City.

It’s not the boy’s room I’m in, but his sister’s. It’s pink and sparkly and makes me need to squirm. I’m Goldilocks in The Three Bears.

I shift on the bed, and try not to see the boy band poster on the wall: headache yellow with three long-haired boys that look too much like girls. “Hanson, mmmbop” it reads across their heads.

“What?” I say, finally, because the boy – Kyle -- is making me feel stranger than I already feel. Everything’s a fog. I don’t want to talk. I don’t know what I should say.

I look away, but things – images, voices, names – swim in, just off the periphery of my brain. Eye floaters I blink at to keep them at bay.

I look back at the boy – Kyle -- instead. Focus on him.

If I’m not careful, they’ll come back to me.

** Wendy Watts Scalfaro is part-time writer with the best full-time job in the world. As a high school librarian, she is constantly surrounded by great books that serve to entertain, inspire, and motivate her to write. Her current Work-in-Progress is a historical MG/YA novel based on her grandmother’s adolescent years spent in a Catholic orphanage.

PS: If you are new to Friday Feedback, teach and write, check out and join our Teachers Write! facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/311160185635267/

Friday Feedback: Writing is a Mostly Solitary Thing (and a few p.s.'s)

Yesterday, at one of the beaches I swim at. . .

Writing, at its best, is a lonely life. Organizations for writers palliate the writer's loneliness, but I doubt if they improve his writing. He grows in public stature as he sheds his loneliness and often his work deteriorates. For he does his work alone and if he is a good enough writer he must face eternity, or the lack of it, each day. - Ernest Hemingway


I'm not sure I agree with all of this, but for sure, I agree with some.

Writing is a hard, mostly-solitary thing.

Our friends and family members can only "just please read this one little thing" so many times before they grow weary; they can only be enthusiastic and cheer us on in spurts, for finite periods of time. 

Most of us, even once published, are not rock stars.

Oprah isn't calling.

Not even NPR.

The first book event I went to as an almost-published YA author illuminated this clearly. It was one of David Levithan's terrific Teen Author Readings at the New York Public Library.

After the event, I stood at the base of those magestic steps and watched David (!!) chat with Libba (!! I mean, need I even use a last name?) and some other well-respected and prolific YA authors.

And, guess, what?

Except for the bloggers and few readers who had specifically come for the event, not a soul on those crowded steps stopped to ask for an autograph, acknowledged them, or even seemed to know who they were.

“Writing is a lonely job. Even if a writer socializes regularly, when he gets down to the real business of his life, it is he and his type writer or word processor. No one else is or can be involved in the matter.” - Isaac Asimov

SO, here we are again, together, alone, on yet another Friday.

It's just us today -- no exciting guest authors, no fanfare, no gimmicks.

Just you, and me, and our words. . .

As we reach the halfway mark in our Teachers Write! program, I've watched so many of you come out of your shells, brim with excitement, step into the mix believing that maybe -- just maybe -- you have something to say, in your unique voice, that actually adds to the world-of-writing conversation.

And, guess what? Maybe you actually do!

But how to maintain the momentum?

How to keep yourself going when there are no daily facebook posts, no tweets, no constant commenting in the blogs?

How to keep going when the writing grows quiet?

Notwithstanding what Hemingway said, one way is critique groups. And, another social media. But in the end, the encouragement is fleeting, and then you are left with nothing but your belief in yourself, and your desire to tell the story, and to put together the words.

This is how it is. We all struggle with it. But we know, in the end, you can't write for the fanfare or the applause. You can't even count on being read.

In the end, you write because you must, or because you want to and love how it makes you feel.

Often, sans feedback.

Almost always, sans Oprah.

And, sans cheering fans and applause.

But, luckily . . . not today.

Today I will cheer for you.

Find that shiny gem of your words.

And, happily egg you on.


So, here we go. Friday Feedback. You KNOW the RULES.

Today, I'll strip back to basics: the opening of one of my WIP's.  Does it hook you?  If yes, why? If no, why not?


I look forward to reading your words.

- gae

Week One

                                                                            
Dad and I are walking through Soho. The day is bright and brisk.
As we talk, our breath puffs out in front of us like steam from the street vents.

We pass the familiar streets of the village – Broome, Spring, Prince – and head north on West Broadway. The sky turns cold and dusky, and overcast.

Sarah is with me now, snow falling. The Empire State building looms ahead, pink and surreal, in all its February glory.

Sarah twirls toward me and smiles. Snowflakes catch in her black hair, white stars that melt away.

Dad laughs at something, and Sarah takes my hand. Everything is perfect.

Except, no. That’s not right.

We’re not in Soho, or uptown.

There is no Empire State Building.

And Sarah and Dad are gone.

No one is here.

Just me and this woman, in this room.

I scratch my at my ear. “Try not to do that,” she says.

---

p.s. speaking of NOT lonely, we are gearing up for our first Teachers Write Progress Pool Party Chat & Read Aloud. If you are a participating member of Teachers Write! and want to participate, and haven't checked in, please do so HERE and FOLLOW ME and Jen Vincent on Spreecast!

p.p.s. If you have been enjoying Friday Feedback, I would love a return favor. If your local library, doesn't carry The Pull of Gravity, please ask them to order it in. If you have read it and liked it -- and reviewed it on Goodreads, especially -- please post that review on Amazon. It helps us authors more there -- some magic Amazon sales algorithm. And especially heading into this stretch prior to paperback, I could really use to keep my book moving. Thank you. <3

p.p.p.s. Speaking of my paperback, if you want to see a sneak peek at the paperback cover, suddenly, it is up there! ;)