 |
| parting is such sweet sorrow, so I decided to be goofy instead. |
This writing game thing? It is hard. I aint gonna try to fool you. Hard to put yourself out there - to craft your best words, your best story, pour your heart and soul into it -- lay it out there for agents to pass on, editors to turn down, and when you get past those hurdles, out there for all the world to critique.
Or, I guess, in some of our cases *coughs*, a large handful of people to critique.
There are five star reviews, and one star reviews, there are writers who outsell and outpace you by vast strides, and readers who will never even hear of your book.
We must write, ultimately, for none of that. We must write because the images pop into our heads, beg to be considered, dissected, turned into meaningful prose. We write because we're compelled to, and because connecting with even one reader who feels your story in their soul is the most amazing thing in the world.
It is hard, but, oh, is it rewarding.
My personal journey has been filled with way more rejection than success. One of my favorite blog posts I ever wrote, was one when THE SUMMER OF LETTING GO (then, Frankie Sky) was just going out on submission. I compared my writing life, on those hard, unknowing days, to a game of Chutes & Ladders. (Later, I compared a great writing day as a game of Candy Land, too.)
As I started out the summer saying, the hardest part is often that so many of us write in a vacuum. We're alone in most of it, until we reach out to a trusted friend or mentor to read. And then, in our pages, they hold our heart in their hands.
So, to my dear Teachers Write campers, on this last official Friday Feedback of the 2013 Summer, I wanted to thank you all for sharing your heart here, putting your words out, asking for connection and allowing for critique. If you'd like to do it one more time today, I'm ready to read and type!
But I wanted to offer you a parting gift, too - though it will probably be more useful to the writers in the bunch who hope to be published one day vs. those who participated in TW solely for the altruistic reason of believing that to teach writing better, we must do writing better first.So here is my offer (shhh, it's secret, don't tell the others...): to any of you who have been regular participants on Friday Feedback (defined as posting here at least twice this summer, or more), when you are ready to submit your manuscripts out into the world, I will be happy to either a) review your query for you (I let you in on the fact that I have been called the "Query Queen" by some...) or b) have a brief phone or Skype chat with you and try to answer your querying/publishing questions. That is my Friday Feedback parting gift to those who have shared their words here.
If you wish to take me up on this now, or at any time in the future, you may email me at g.polisner@gmail.com. If you have used a "screen name" here throughout the weeks, and I'm not well-versed in your real name, remind me of both, and tell me a bit of what your manuscript excerpts you posted were about. Those are the pieces I remember most easily. The details of the lovely bits you shared.
So, with that said, I'm ready to read and give feedback. Post away, and remember the RULES.
One last note: If you think you'll miss participating in Friday Feedbacks during the school year and would like me to continue the feature once per month, please let me know in your comments. If there are enough of you, I will. If not, I will see many of you at NCTE! or next summer!
Good work! Keep going!
- gae
p.s. my second novel, THE SUMMER OF LETTING GO is now available for pre-order! The hardcover price is good. . . less than the current hardcover price for THE PULL OF GRAVITY up on Amazon, go figure.
Gae,
ReplyDeleteAwesome post! Thank you very much for the parting gift (I will take you up on it when I am ready - Will I ever be ready?), and I CAN'T WAIT to read your new book.
Today, I am posting something new that I wrote over the summer during TW. Not really sure where I'm going with it, but it has been fun to write.
Here goes:
Thump. Thump. Thump. It almost feels as the stadium is moving with the rhythm of the thumping. A muffled, “Let’s go Tigers!” is being chanted in tempo with the thumping.
I push the cold, steel stadium door open just a crack, and with the vibrant cheering of the crowd turned up a few decibels, comes a rush of cool, crisp October air. The autumn air takes my breath away for only a second, but seems to break the nervous tension of my teammates that crowd, shoulder to shoulder, down the narrow hallway that leads to the locker room. One last long sigh in unison before silence, as the players press forward toward the stadium lights that are filtering through the now half open doorway to the track runaway that leads to the field. As the team captain, now is the time to speak. “We have worked for this all year!” I roar while slamming the door completely open and leading the charge of players out onto the field.
“Let’s go Tiger!” We reach the turf field in an all out sprint and the chant is deafening. My heart is pumping wildly and sweat is already dripping into my eyes. The stadium is sailing as the students in the bleachers wave their arms, rowdily jump up and down, and are almost spilling over the railings.
Coach is barking for us to get into two lines to warm up, but I, like my teammates, are staring out at the surrounding crowds in bewilderment. The crispness of the air, the roars of the crowd, and the uncontrolled excitement overwhelms us, almost putting us into a state of confusion. How do we run line drills?
The lines take form on opposite sides of the field from each other. Instantly, there is structure and a comfortable feeling calms everyone. I slowly trot towards the oncoming ball, take a stutter step, get a foot on the soccer ball, and deliver the perfect pass. As I jog to the opposite line, still is awe of the crowds and moment, I whisper to myself, “This is sectional championship soccer.” I’ve waited my whole life for this game.
PS - Just last night, I was looking over the links (On finding an agent and how to query) that you so graciously shared a few weeks ago. You are a mentor to so many of us - thank you!
Andy,
DeleteYour passage took me right back to our soccer finals- wow! Your details were spot on. I'm glad you waited till the end to tell us it was a soccer game. I wondered if was a pro game, but the nervous tension made me think again. Then, I wondered what sport...by the time I got to the "end", you tied up all the loose ends. Bravo!
Andy, love this piece, and even more, love that I can actually feel/see your writing skills sharpen and hone as the two summers pass. A great thing (if I go back to my early manuscripts, I can see the difference too... though it still takes tons of revision and polishing to get there). I know this piece isn't polished yet, but it's a great opportunity to do a superspeed flash edit pulling out what? Come on, in unison: the unneeded little words that you probably won't even notice/miss but that slow the already amazingly breathtaking action of this piece down -- because you do do an incredibly good job of propelling the motion/action here which is NOT easy to do. But you have those extra bitty extra words (and the many "ing" versions of verbs ("Coach is barking" instead of "Coach barks") that tend to slow momentum down. So once again a superspeed edit for more illustrative purposes than thinking you need it at all. Great work, Andy, keep going! (Now, see if you can tell what I pulled out ;))
DeleteThump. Thump. Thump. It almost feels as the stadium is moving with the rhythm of the thumping. A muffled, “Let’s go Tigers!” is chanted in tempo.
I push the cold, steel stadium door open just a crack. With the vibrant cheering turned up a few decibels, comes a rush of cool, crisp October air. It takes my breath away for only a second, but seems to break the nervous tension of my teammates that crowd, shoulder to shoulder, down the narrow hallway that leads to the locker room. One last long sigh in unison before silence, as we press forward toward the stadium lights that filter through the half-open door to the track runaway that leads to the field. As the team captain, now is the time to speak. “We have worked for this all year!” I roar,slamming the door open and leading the charge of players out onto the field.
“Let’s go Tigers!” We reach the turf field in an all out sprint, the chant around us deafening. My heart pumps wildly, and sweat drips into my eyes. The stadium is sailing as the students in the bleachers wave their arms, rowdily jump up and down, nearly spilling out over the railings.
Coach barks for us to get into two lines to warm up, but I, like my teammates, stare out mesmerized at the surrounding crowds. The crispness of the air, the roars of the crowd, and the uncontrolled excitement overwhelm us, almost putting us into a state of confusion. How do we run line drills?
The lines take form on opposite sides of the field from each other. Instantly, there is structure and a calm washes over us.I trot toward the oncoming ball, take a stutter step, get a foot on the soccer ball, and deliver the perfect pass. As I jog to the opposite line, still is awe of the moment, I whisper to myself, “This is sectional championship soccer.” I’ve waited my whole life for this game.
xox gae
p.s. I think I'd do one more small edit: this:
Delete"As the team captain, now is the time to speak."
to this:
"As team captain, now is my time to speak."
see the extra information it gives you without extra words? :)
Andy,
DeleteI agree with Andrea, you have captured this moment well. I have one suggestion. "It almost feels as if the stadium is moving with the rhythm of the thumping."
Consider this, if you wish: I feel the stadium move with to the rhythm of the crowd.
Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed being transported to the field.
Godd Morning Gae! What sweet words to depart with and an even sweeter parting gift! The new WIP I began this summer came screeching to a halt so... what else to do? Start somethng new! If I was going back to work it would be crazy, but I'm taking a year leave to be a mom and really dive into writing. I would greatly appreciate monthly Friday Feedbacks! All the best to you over the next few weeks. I have a tissue ready for preschool drop-off day ;)
ReplyDeleteHere goes...
I’ve got to get an A in math. If I don’t get an A in math, I can’t wrestle. If I can’t wrestle, I can’t get my energy out. If I can’t get my energy out…like I said, I’ve got to get an A in math.
The problem is, I’m not good in math and this year I have Mr. Katz. I guess that’s two problems. At least I can add 1 + 1! Hah! That’s funny. I can do funny. But they don’t give out A’s for funny. They give out warnings and detentions and phone calls home. And Mom has made it super clear she doesn’t want any of those this year.
I remember saying to her, “But what if I’m really sick and they have to call you? Am I supposed to tell the nurse not to call?”
“That’s not the type of phone call I’m talking about Wiseguy,” she said.
“I didn’t spend $500 on wrestling camp this summer for nothing. You can do anything you can set your mind to.”
I pictured a kitchen timer attached to my brain, but instead of numbers there were words. A giant hand grabbed the dial and turned. It spun past math, wrestling, then stopped on…
“Jake are you listening to me?” Mom asked.
“Pizza,” I said.
Mom clamped her hands on my shoulders. “Focus, Jake. You have to focus on math like you focus on wrestling. Now, what do you want for dinner?”
“Pizza! See, I’m focused!”
Aw, Jessica, this is adorably funny and perfect. The voice is terrific for early MG and already seems like the kind of material that will get gobbled up.
DeleteThe only crit at all is that I feel like I need some sort of cue or transition between these two lines of dialogue: “That’s not the type of phone call I’m talking about Wiseguy,” she said.
“I didn’t spend $500 on wrestling camp this summer for nothing. You can do anything you can set your mind to.” Almost as if one is his past memory and she's now back to present? A little confused. But that's it. Great stuff. FUN stuff. I giggled when he said pizza! And smiled through it all. Keep going! And have a great year off writing. And, ah yes, to the preschool goodbyes. What I'd give to have all the rest stretched out in front of me instead of a college goodbye in two weeks. HUGS. Enjoy every moment as best you can. <3
Gae
Oh, Jessica, this grabs me! I have had students just like this. I love it that he switches gears so effortlessly, just as kids do. I'm also glad you see time ahead of you to devote to family and writing both. Love it!
DeleteLoved this! Thank you for sharing. I can't wait to read more!
DeleteGreat Friday Morning to you, too, Gae!
ReplyDeleteI'll definitely send you a query. THANK YOU so much! I am working on a picture book right now. I was looking for the perfect topic, and the idea came to me during TeachersWrite while experimenting with the various writing tasks. I'm researching my little heart out, while framing the 32 pages. It's a whole new approach for me, and it's been so much fun. I'm bursting with information that's begging to be written, so I may post a section later.
Thanks for all your encouragement this summer!
bursting with information that's begging to be written is the best state to be in, isn't it, Andrea!
DeleteThanks for all your participation and enthusiasm. It's been so much fun for me!
Gae, Your enthusiasm and positive yet realistic outlook have been so helpful and inspiring to me this summer. Thank you so much! Today I've gone out on a limb and shared an original poem (not something I do very often) on my blog for Poetry Friday:
ReplyDeletehttp://readingtothecore.wordpress.com/2013/08/09/poetry-friday-the-sand-beneath-our-feet/
I would never have written this, let alone shared it, if it hadn't been for the nurturing community of Teachers Write!
It will be interesting to see how my daily writing fits into my schedule once school starts, but I 'm determined not to leave my main character in limbo forever. I'll keep you posted.
Again, many, many thanks to you, Kate, Jo, and Jen. I may not have shared every day, but I kept writing and learning!
Catherine
Catherine, first of all your poem is stunning -- took my breath away. Secondly, look at this passage from my next book THE SUMMER OF LETTING GO, Algonquin 2014:
DeleteI stare at my feet and think of this photograph I once saw of grains of sand magnified under a microscope, each grain its own tiny but perfect, full-blown shell. I try to picture this now, how, under my feet, a whole miniature world exists – pink coral shaped like antlers, translucent raindrop hearts, amber spirals, each grain a complete miracle, too small for the naked eye to see.
How amazing and utterly cool is that? If I could, I would open my book with your poem. <3
KEEP WRITING!
xox gae
Gae, This brings tears to my eyes. I don't know which is more amazing; the fact that you have this passage in your book, or that we've used so many of the same images to describe these tiny miracles! Thank you so much! (Is it too early to preorder?)
DeleteCatherine
yes, it is available for preorder! The link is in the post! Just click on where the title is...one brings you to the amazon page.
Deleteand, i know... it got me a little teary too. :)
Both of these--the poem, the passage, are so beautiful. They're both going to be staying with me for a while.
DeleteThanks, Jane. <3
DeleteAhhhh! Gae, that is so generous of you, and Kate and I will come knocking on your door with a query when the time comes... I can't say how much your encouragement, and that of all your author guests, has done for me in my writing life. And yes, a monthly Friday Feedback would be heavenly, though I know you have tons of things happening in your author life already, so that is a crazy wonderful offer too.
ReplyDeleteIf this excerpt is too long, whack me with a wooden spoon - it's dialogue and I don't know how to count dialogue paragraphs. Kate is waiting for a ride from the train station to her new home in Almira. She's been on the train for most of two days. Station master is not helping her mood.
“Yer trunk’s in the baggage room, where it’ll be when the gentleman, as you call that good for nothing ruffian, arrives.”
He put special emphasis on the word “gentleman.”
Kate’s heart sank. She wasn't so sure that the transport coming would be her saving grace after all.
“I would like to check on the contents while I’m waiting,” Kate insisted.
“Young lady.” He spoke with exaggerated care now. “Young lady, the baggage is in the baggage room. You ain’t got no way to transport it, you ain’t got no call to check nothin’. Baggage room is closed until yer ride comes.”
“Is there any particular reason you won’t allow me to examine my luggage? Seems somewhat odd, since in essence, I hired you to transport it, by the act of purchasing my ticket.“
The man was annoyed, unwilling to give way to her.
“I run things here. Luggage comes off the train, it goes in the luggage room, like I said. When someone strong enough to cart it off comes along, why, then they can do that. I got no need for some busybody female to be poking around in this station.”
By now Kate was fuming, her fatigue vanished. Honestly! She’d left home, left parents who wanted still to have control of her life. Now this little man, this bald obnoxious little man, was telling her what she could and could not do with her own belongings!
“Lead me to it. “ Kate stood as tall as she could, feeling her hair escaping from its hairpins, feeling the grit of the journey on her face and clothes and hands, knowing she looked a sight and determined not to care. “Lead me to it. I’ll cart if off for you, save you the trouble of looking after it.”
The man stared, taken aback by her demand. Then he grinned and stood, reaching for a ring of keys on his belt.
“Fine. You move it out to the platform, you can do whatever you blamed well like with it. Just don’t you leave no mess! I don’t abide no clutter round my station.”
Ah, Valerie, what can I say but, LOVE. Kate will find her way into print, I just know she will.
DeleteCan't wait to review your query.
xoxox
<3 this! Am hoping Friday Feedback continues each month so I can follow your progress.
DeleteGae,
ReplyDeleteI am quickly writing this on my lunch break. Eh, gads, school started! I'm wondering what happened to my summer goal of finishing my verse novel and getting it out there. I am so excited about your generous offer. It will propel me into finishing my revisions and to get going with query. Your encouragement has been so helpful. I would definitely be in for Feedback Friday to continue.
I am not sure if I have posted this section or not. It now has become more important because Jean and Simmy go back to their special tree at the end. Thanks for reading.
Lucky and I took a walk in the woods,
nearly bare now with winter coming.
We walked along the creek.
I remembered a time last year
when Simmy and I chose a tree to call
our special tree.
There it was, bare and still.
We had played around this tree for days.
Once we saw a snake. I was afraid,
but not Simone.
She told me to quietly walk toward her.
I obeyed her thinking it was another game,
but when I turned back, I saw the snake curled
up right next to where my foot once was.
Simone took a branch and gently shooed the snake to the creek bed.
I’ll never forget her bravery.
Lucky marked our special tree,
and we continued on until the wind turned cold.
We headed home.
Margaret, lovely. So lovely. Another one I cannot wait to see in print. Onward!
DeleteGae,
ReplyDeletewhile I'm not sharing my writing today (I've shared everything that is even close to being ready to share in my WIP), I couldn't let the moment pass without thanking you for your feedback and help this summer. I SO appreciate you and all the other amazing authors who have taken your time to give us encouragement, wisdom, and positive critique. I also want to thank all the other participants because I've learned so much from everyone. Even when I'm lurking, I'm learning. And your surprise gift? That is as motivating to me to finish my WIP as any idea that got me started in the first place! Thank you--
Sonja
Sonja, you're so welcome! If it motivates you to finish, even better. I'll be waiting. Onward! Have a great fall. See you here for monthly Fridays. :)
DeleteWow, Gae, thank you so much. I was bowled over to read your post--what an incredible gift. Your feedback and encouragement have been such a motivation and inspiration this summer, and I am really going to miss it! I'd love to participate in a monthly feedback if you decide to do it. For what it's worth, I'm still thinking about your butterfly post from the beginning of the summer.
ReplyDeleteSince it's the last Friday Feedback, I'm posting a passage from a transition, the end of the first part.
In the early gray light, Miranda took a last look at her home. It loomed massive, stately, and unfeeling above her. Her new shoes crunched in the white gravel. Everyone had come out, from the lowest kitchen maid to the head butler, everyone except her father. Moving quickly down the line, Miranda squeezed hands and murmured thanks at the kind words. Lady Catherine and Reva each managed a stiff-backed half-embrace, administered with deft speed to keep up appearances. With a bitter twinge, she thought of Gawain waiting in his stable. When would he realize she had gone? She avoided looking in that direction, not wanting to give Reva the satisfaction of seeing her cry.
Then she was being handed in, the shining door gently closing. Her new fine dress felt like it belonged to someone else. A pretty girl with a tinkling laugh who never climbed trees or lost her patience or disappointed anyone or said too much. The wheels began to move, and she was alone in a space of vast elegance. Knowing she was expected to do it, Miranda put her gloved hand to the window.
Lady Catherine and Reva were already turning to go inside, not waiting to see the carriage disappear through the gates. A wave of loneliness swelled and crashed as they swept down the long drive. These were the grounds she had grown up in, and she knew every twist of the road.
Tears rose, but she choked them back and forced herself to think about the road ahead. No matter what was to come, she would see the ocean at last.
Oh, Jane, lovely! You are all doing me so proud on the last official FF of the summer. Just perfection. Onward!
DeleteTeachers Write has been such a wonderful experience! I haven’t done as much writing as I wanted, but I have written way more this summer than I have in many years. My goal was to experience writing in such a way that would help me be a better teacher to my young students. It has exceeded my expectations as I am, for the first time, actually excited to teach writing this year. Thank you, Gae, for your time, positive energy, and wonderful feedback that helped make this such a great experience!
ReplyDeleteThis piece sprang from Margo Sorenson's quick-write prompt:
Daniel snaked his way through the raucous, jostling mass of his classmates and made his way to his seat on the far side of the room. It was only as he slid into his seat that he noticed the folded slip of paper partially tucked under the name tag on his desk. Unfolding the paper, he read the words “Somebody knows.” Glancing around the room, Daniel quickly crumpled up the note and shoved it into the pocket of his jeans.
Somebody knows.
Who would have written that? The handwriting was small and precise, so it had to be a girl. But who? And what was it she thought she knew?
Daniel searched the faces of the girls in the room, trying to detect some trace of guilt or triumph, but everyone seemed preoccupied with getting settled in class and not the least bit interested in him. A flash of light drew his eyes to the window where he spotted Sandy Beckett peering into the room directly at him. Their eyes locked. Heat washed over Daniel’s face. There was no doubt now who the author of the note had been. Equally certain was what she knew. Daniel groaned.
“You okay, dude?” asked his friend Anthony seated beside him.
“My day just got a whole lot worse,” Daniel answered as he watched Sandy turn from the window and walk away with a smirk on her face. “A WHOLE lot worse.”
Amanda, i know this is new (and thus not revised and polished, so I'm not going to nitpick) instead, I'm just going to tell you that I absolutely LOVE it. You do a great job of setting scene and tension so much so that I'm seriously needing to know what somebody knows! I am biting my nails for Daniel. :)
DeleteLove this little tidbit -- The handwriting was small and precise, so it had to be a girl. -- and think you could even expand on it along the way... does Daniel know such things? Is he the king of observation? does he spend time decoding these types of boy/girl differences? Curious. Good stuff.
(p.s. if I were going to nitpick ;) I would simply watch repetition of things like "his seat" and "of paper" which could be easily, quickly (superspeed flash edited) as follows:
Daniel snaked his way through the raucous, jostling mass of classmates and made his way to his seat on the far side of the room. It was only as he slid in that he noticed the folded slip of paper partially tucked under the name tag on his desk. Unfolding it, he read the words “Somebody knows.”
Great stuff either way. Hope it leads you onward!
gae
I love this! You captured the voice, the angst, and a lot of mystery. I want to know more--who is she, what does she know, what is the dynamic between them? You definitely grabbed my interest.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteGae-
ReplyDeleteMany thanks to you for hosting again this year! While I believe your pompons must need a rest, I would be thrilled to visit with fellow writers during a monthly FF.
Here is the balance of the This I Believe I presented at FF a bit ago. I know dialogue might make it stronger, but I am trying to weigh out the need to give readers details but still preserve some anonymity for my former student. Thoughts and edits welcome. With my continuing thanks...
On her last day in class, we surprised her with an activity we call Star Chair. Each classmate had written a short message to her detailing one way she shined. We had also solicited notes from others at school. For the first time, she was speechless. As we went around the circle, sharing the goodness we saw in her, she was silent. I doubt she had ever heard so many unsolicited positives in succession in her life. As our circle was drawing to a close, she mumbled, “Thank you,” as she accepted the final stars.
After she left, we returned to our routines and thought of her on occasion. Her classmates wondered aloud where she was and if she thought of us. Early in the New Year, I found an e-mail from her new teacher in my in-box requesting information about her reading and math levels. I sent a detailed response and asked her new teacher to let her know we were thinking of her. According to the teacher’s response, when she was told we still thought of her and would be sending her notes the look on her face was “priceless.” Her teacher also told us she was constantly reading her star notes and sharing them with her new friends.
I believe there is more to teaching than academics. I believe acts of kindness can offer a new beginning to someone. I believe the gentle words of peers can calm and reassure a fearful heart. I believe my students teach me more than I do them. I believe the baggage we carry can move us forward or drag us down. I believe this time we moved forward.
Mary, this is exquisite. Not sure it needs any dialogue at all. What I would love if there's a way to do it without divulging too much of what can't be shared, maybe after this line: "As we went around the circle, sharing the goodness we saw in her, she was silent." Would be two or three of those positives that were shared. I think it could add some real emotion to an already emotional beautiful piece. Just gorgeous. The last paragraph has left me all choked up.
Deletexoxox
Gae,
DeleteThank you for your kind words and thoughts. I'll try adding those "shining" thoughts and see how it reads. I remain in your debt... M
oh, Mary!
ReplyDeleteThis was just lovely.
Thank you so very much for sharing it.
Thank you.
DeleteGae,
ReplyDeleteI would love to continue Friday Feedback. I've done more commenting than posting my own writing due to time constraints, but I thought feedback would be as helpful to others. I am currently in a Saturday online writing group that keeps me going throughout the year and I think Friday feedback would be awesome. If not, see you next summer.
Have fun in Boston at NCTE. I'd love to go to ALAN, but I haven't committed yet. Chicago was super and I missed Las Vegas.
My only challenge has been posting and I know that the computer glitch thing is not your fault. :) Pat Keefe
(jugrox when I can manage to post LOL)