Friday Feedback: Feedback, the Collaboration of Writing, and a Thick Skin, with my dear friend Nora Raleigh Baskin

Congratulations! You are here.

Teachers Write!

Friday Feedback.

Take a deep breath, and bask in your bravery for just one moment.

You are here.

Ready and willing to put your words, your creativity, a little bit of your soul on the line.

It is something.

Take it in.

Now, let’s get one thing straight. It isn’t going to get much easier from here. You’ll need a thick skin, but you can’t be a great artist with a thick skin. So you’ll fake it, instead. You’ll weather the blows. You’ll develop mindful mantras like, “Eyes on your own page." "It’s not personal.”

But, of course, it always is.

So, instead, you’ll take solace in learning that we all feel this way. No matter how accomplished. No matter how experienced. We lay ourselves bare for all the world to judge, to hate or love, when we put words on the page for others to read.

But until we get to that point, writing tends to be a mostly solitary process. We write in a vacuum, and limit what we share. The good part of this is that there’s no one to judge us (but ourselves) until we are ready, until we hand the manuscript off to beta readers, or agents, or editors.

We buy ourselves time to be ready. . .

I don’t mean to break in here, Gae, but I think if I just tweak your words a tiny bit, the whole thing would sound so much better.

Delete some things here and there. I don’t really have any idea what you are trying to say...

On second thought maybe just delete this entire section.

Isn’t it more powerful if you end here?

Except, if you collaborate, that is.

That, in the red font? That’s my dear friend Nora Raleigh Baskin.

And here she is in this photo --->

Cute! Isn't she?

[Nora, not to be a pain, but do you have to use red for your part? Red seems so angry. Maybe if you picked pink, or green or lavender. Lavender says, "I respect you." Red says, fuck off. Do it my way. . . does that make sense. . .?]

Nora and I just collaborated on a novel. And it was a pretty good precursor to all of this. Teachers Write stuff. Friday Feedback. And, remembering how fragile the writer's ego is. . .

Start to finish, it was an experience like no other. Exhilarating and painful, a constant ability to brainstorm and bounce ideas off another person, but also a constant feeling of being criticized, judged over the shoulder, having an editor from the get go, if you will. Often before the words were even ready for one.

We laughed.

We fought.

We cried.

But we realized too, that in no other field, no other endeavor…

[Nora, in no other endeavor, what? I’m stuck here. Can you jump in?]

Sure, but first, can you rewrite that last paragraph first, and move up that last sentence, or maybe down?… And, oh my god, did you really just use that cliche?

I know you know that any of my five thousand comments to your work are merely in “suggested mode.”  So, don’t get your feelings hurt. And, you know, of course, you don’t have to accept any of  them. . .

In no other endeavor is there the ability to insert ourselves -- as a third party -- into another person’s work. . . another person’s art.

Beta reader. Agent. Publisher. Editor. Consumer.

“I’m sorry, I can’t represent this.”

“Can’t buy it.”

“Would buy it if you’d just consider. . . Could the MC be an Asian girl instead of an Irish boy? And what do you think of making it set in an alternate universe?”

“I’m sorry, but this isn’t working.” “Who thought teens would even care about this subject?”

“No stars.”

“Sorry, we just don’t have the shelf space at Barnes & Noble.”

Your first Goodreads review full of snarky gifs. . .

Please, don’t try this at home - we’re professionals.

Yeah, right.

* * * * *

Where were we?

Oh, yeah. So we wrote this manuscript --

Between THE MEMORY OF THINGS
and NINE, TEN
and #nErDcamps galore,
the past year has been a bit of
the NorGae Show! 

And we wrote the entire thing in one single Google doc. which allowed the other person to, not only, see our chapters before we had had a chance to edit or revise them ourselves, but sometimes to actually WATCH the other person typing.

In fact, we wrote our ending at the exact same time! Sometimes losing our cursor as the words shifted further down or further up depending on what the other one of us was typing.

We also left each other endless (sometimes 20 -25 a day) vox messages, FB messages, texts, and voicemails. We skyped and we talked on the phone. We were as close to being in each other’s minds as was possible. (spoiler alert: this process mimicked our characters in a way nothing else could have done)

And it nearly killed us.  Okay, that kind of feels melodramatic. . . how about something like, "And it was really hard"? Besides, DO WE HAVE A POINT? WE NEED TO GET THE POINT OF THIS POST HERE, OR NO ONE IS GOING TO KEEP READING!!

But here’s the thing: We tested the boundaries in many ways, and dove into each other’s words and ego and heart and brain way before any of it was fully formed -- And, isn’t that what teachers do to students all the time, and then wonder why they so hate writing?

[Ah, there it was. I guess I just needed to be a bit more patient. . . ]

At the same time- We loved it. We ate it up.

We never wrote alone. We never had a thought or idea that we couldn’t share and expand on, brain storm, get excited about, or wonder if anyone else would like it or not.

We had immediate feedback.

Immediate gratification, even if that came at the risk of heartbreak.

It was exhilarating. And, terrifying!

I began my writing day at the crack of dawn. Gae would start later and write into the wee hours of the night. I’d go to bed knowing I’d wake up to the horror of slashed lines and comments and/or comments like: Brilliant. Love. Great!!

And that I would have the honor (and I mean that) to read the story that Gae left for me while I was sleeping.

* * * *

The truth is this was the risk/reward system we, as writers, all choose when we decide to put words on the page.

Because… now, wait for it. . . wait for it… that is what writing is -- It’s all about the Feedback.

The process of writing is not complete until someone reads it.

The process of writing is not complete until someone reads it. Unlike any other art form that can stand on its own -- A painting on a wall gets looked at. A dance performance gets watched. A piece of music is listened to.

But writing. . .  writing needs an active participant. It needs the agreement of the reader to invest the time and WORK, often hours, sometimes days and weeks, of commitment. The words come out of your head, onto the paper, into someone else’s head, translated thusly, and out comes something else entirely. It is a shared experience.

Some might argue -- claim they only write for themselves. They journal (which is a whole different animal) or they don’t care what anyone else thinks of their work.

“I just write for myself.”

But I’m going to go out on a limb and say they are lying (even our reclusive Emily Dickinson shared her work and depended heavily on the praise of her beloved sister-in-law).

And this act of sharing? Well, ultimately. . .

It’s exhilarating.

Yes. That! And you are all here for Friday Feedback, for this reason. To share your words and feel the exhilaration.

You are scared, and you are brave; you are taking the risk because you crave that very intimate human connection.

It is both a higher and primal calling.

Nora and I both understand (now more than ever) the trust you put in the universe and us when you share your work here, when you truly allow yourself to be exposed and open to the judgement of another.

It’s scary as hell.

And it about the most exciting thing you can do while sitting in a chair.

So, woo wee..here we go!

FRIDAY FEEDBACK SUMMER 2017.

IF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW IT WORKS & THE RULES WELL,

PLEASE STOP FIRST AND READ THEM HERE:

How does it work? Easy peasy:

Every week, I -- or one of my awesome guest authors -- will share a tiny bit of writing wisdom followed by an excerpt of our own ROUGH, UNPUBLISHED writing for your feedback. In return, we offer you the same opportunity: to share a brief excerpt in the comments for feedback from us -- AND from other campers!). 

See? Simple and exciting. There are just a few RULES: 

1. The Feedback should be specific and always be given in this order:

• WHAT WORKS (and why)?;
• WHAT MIGHT NOT BE WORKING if anything (and why)?; and
• ARE YOU COMPELLED TO KEEP READING?

Please note the order of those. Here at Friday Feedback, our first goal is to be encouraging. We appreciate the gems in one another's writing before we offer up constructive criticism.

2. The excerpts should not exceed three (3) paragraphs, if long, five (5) paragraphs if mostly dialogue or otherwise short.

There may be 30 - 50 excerpts up here on a busy week for me and/or my guest authors to read. If you put up more than the requested length, we do not promise to read beyond the stated limits. You may post excerpts through Saturday and I will check in, but I do not require my guest authors to read past close of business Friday. 

3. We ask you to remember this: there is only so much we can realistically glean from a brief excerpt out of context. 

Friday Feedback is intended to be instructional and inspiring, but our feedback out of context of a full work, must always be taken as merely that. Your job here is to take in the information as you will. Keep what you like. Toss what you don't. In the end, you are the boss of your own writing.

4. You may be the recipient of one of my patented "Superspeed Flash Edits."

Okay, fine, they're not patented, whatever. Sometimes, if your excerpt lends itself to me doing one of these, I will do so: namely, zip through your piece editing for passive voice (where not intended) unneeded words, wrong punctuation, repetition, etc.

I will NOT edit your own unique voice or substantive writing. This is an exercise intended to demonstrate how revision/clean up/intentional writing can truly make our voices pop and shine. It is intended to make you aware of your writing and tics.

If you do NOT want to be the recipient of a Superspeed Flash Edit for any reason, please message me at g.polisner@gmail.com.

So, without further ado, here's a brief excerpt -- the opening -- of our collaborative book out on submission, currently titled THE CLARITY SISTERS OF LAUREL HAVEN! 

We look forward to your feedback, and giving ours in the comments! And, FWIW, other than a few Beta readers and our agents, you are all the first to see it! 

And, of course, please support Nora by adding her extraordinary books, NINE, TEN: A September 11 Story; RUBY ON THE OUTSIDE; ANYTHING BUT TYPICAL and others to your classrooms and libraries! 

Gabrielle

They say I am the stronger sister. The more talkative one, the more opinionated and outgoing, so how does that explain Leila grabbing the scissors off the bathroom sink and whacking at her hair, grabbing a fistful and just chopping it off like that?

 And who left those scissors there anyway? 

Everyone knows Baby Gene can reach the sink now.

“What in God’s name are you doing?” I say, but for some reason I don’t move to stop her.  We are only a reflection after all. In the mirror, Leila is on the right and I am on the left, when in actuality it is the opposite. So I just stand there next to my sister and watch.

            “Cutting my hair,” Leila answers with no affect whatsoever.  She stares off past us in the mirror as a long curl of blonde hair falls onto the side of the sink, then slips to the floor, then another, and another. Something about her gaze makes me worry. She’s been acting off lately. Weird and distant. I worry the whole Seekers thing may be getting to her.

            I should take the scissors, stop her before it’s too late, but of course, it’s already too late. Her face is already changing, right before my eyes and I feel my breath catch in the center of my chest.

            Why are you doing this? Why do you want to?

            “Relax, Gabby. It’s just hair,” Leila says, but as steady as is her hand, her voice shakes. She knows, too, that Grayson may be mad since it will probably interfere with his vision. “It grows back,” is all she adds.

            

Friday Feedback: False starts, Rejection and Moving Forward - a post chock full of useful links (so you should click on them) and a recycled, hidden, parting gift. . .

Summer is a fleeting bastard.

Hey, all you shiny campers,

I don't have any idea how we're here already.

Here at

The end.

The end.

Two little words so awesome at

the bottom of a manuscript,

yet, so not awesome at the completion of

a summer of Teachers Write.

*weeps a little*

But what is there to do but march forward?

It's been a busy summer for me. Busier and harder than I anticipated. I wasn't here as much as I wanted to be.

I didn't write as much as I wanted to write.

There are no redos.

Nothing to do but march forward.


I hope your writing went well.

I hope you had at least one moment when you surprised yourself.

One moment where you pushed yourself beyond where you thought you could.

One moment when you truly felt brave.

And now what?

How to keep going from here?

If you came here to TW simply to be a better writing teacher -- by the way, a truly commendable aim that makes me admire you deeply and wish there were more teachers JUST like you --  hopefully you have a brain (and computer) chock-full of ways to inspire your students. An idea of how to make writing more accessible, more compelling, and more clear. And a new-found empathy for student writers gained from walking the walk yourself.

But what if you came here hoping to write a book? To be a writer? And you only made it part of the way through?

What if you wrote less than you hoped?

What if you're stuck in the muck and mire of a muddy middle?

WHO IS GOING TO HELP ME IF I'M STUCK???


Um, did you hear me???

WHO IS GOING TO HELP ME IF I'M STUCK?!!?

What if you're almost done and visions of querying agents or submitting to publishers are dancing like sugarplum fairies in your head?

WHO IS GOING TO HELP ME IF I'M DONE?????

This writing world can be a lonely, hard one. In the end, the only one who can write your book is you.

THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN WRITE (and sell) YOUR BOOK IS YOU.

And what if I write that query, and find the perfect agent, and he rejects me, and then she rejects me, and then ten more reject me after that??!?!?!!?

You just keep marching onward.

Rejections are battle scars. Rejection is the sand . . . that ultimately produces a pearl.

And, yes, writing can be a hard, doubt-filled, and solitary endeavor, but it can also be an inspiring one full of community and understanding. And first and foremost, I hope you have found that here.


Because that's what we are. We at Teachers Write are a community. Summer is over, but we're still here to help you, to answer your questions and cheer you on.

If you need us:

Tweet to us on twitter:

https://twitter.com/gaepol
https://twitter.com/KateMessner
https://twitter.com/JoKnowles
https://twitter.com/mentortexts

email me: g.polisner@gmail.com

and, don't forget:

The TW Facebook page

is open all year.

And we love to hear from you. We do. We love to hear the stories of success: the manuscripts worked on, or dare we say, finished, the agents reading partials and fulls. The lessons brought back to the classroom.

You know where to find us, and you know, my shiny campers, where to find me.

So, I wish you all a gloriously happy end of summer and a joyful, productive return back to school.

And now, since it's Friday Feedback, here's a small excerpt from the manuscript I just sold (!!!!).

What works for you? What doesn't? You know THE RULES.

(The following excerpt is from the perspective of my 17-year old main character, a boy name Klee, pronounced Clay.)

Sarah is singing. Singing, and crawling toward me on her knees.

Her voice is breathy and sweet.

“Sweet dreams till sun beams find you. . .”

It’s a hallucination, I think, but it seems real anyway, so I wedge my hand under my thigh so I don’t reach out to her.

“Tell me your dreams, babe,” she says.

I shake my head and a crow lands on the back of Dr. Alvarez’s chair, turns a beady eye at me and makes its way up the wall.

The crow is a trickster. I focus on Sarah instead.

“Sweet dreams that leave our worries behind you.

But in your dreams, whatever they be. . .

She moves slowly, on all fours, her dark hair falling over her big blue eyes.

dream a little dream of me. . .”

I squirm as she gets closer, squeeze my eyes shut tight so I don’t lose it. Sometimes, all I have to do is look at her. 
When she reaches where I sit, she slides her lips up my leg, her wide eyes watching me, her tongue tracing the front of my jeans.

I make some noise, and she stops. 
She sits back.

“What the fuck? Are you crying, Klee?”

I shake my head, but she disappears anyway.

***  

Much love. Keep going!

gae

p.s. If you love what we do here at Teachers Write, please support us by buying and sharing our titles. If you haven't yet preordered THE MEMORY OF THINGS, I'd love you forever if you do. And don't forget my other books, THE PULL OF GRAVITY and THE SUMMER OF LETTING GO.

But also, don't forget the books of my guest authors: Nora Raleigh Baskin's NINE, TEN; Liza Wiemer's HELLO?, Amy Dominy's DIE FOR YOU, and Selene Castrovilla's SIGNS OF LIFE, etc. And if those books aren't right for your classroom, please check out their other titles, everything from truly awesome historical picture books to middle grade to more YA.

Friday Feedback with Selene Castrovilla: Emotions in Motion

  

Selene and I doing a Freaky Friday
this past spring. 

You guys!!!!

This post doesn't need me blathering on with a long intro keeping you from the awesomeness that is about to abound... Suffice it to say we were lucky to have Selene Castrovilla HERE last summer doing a post on voice, and now she's back with more awesomeness that we need to let you get to.

Quickly, if you don't know Selene, she is the award-winning author of young adult fiction and children's nonfiction -- seven books and counting. 

SIGNS OF LIFE, Book Two of the Rough Romance Trilogy, has just been released. I've read the first in the trilogy, MELT, and I cannot wait to get to Signs of Life!

In fact, MELT was the recipient of six honors including the SCBWI Spark Award, the IndieReader Fiction Book of the Year, and the Bronze IPPY Medal for young adult fiction. Here's a link to the guide On Reading and Teaching MELT. 

So, without further ado, I give you Selene and Emotions in Motion. And please check out and order Signs of Life, Melt and the rest of her BOOKS!!

Through the years, and particularly when I was starting out as a writer (long before publication, when I was getting used to the idea that I didn’t need anyone’s permission to write), I attended many writing workshops and conferences. I have a stack of notebooks filled with sage advice from writers and editors.

One person’s words stick on my brain like a wad of chewing gum under a desk. . . "Did you go far enough?"

One person’s words stick on my brain like a wad of chewing gum under a desk. Patti Lee Gauch — a renowned Philomel editor — delivered a lecture titled “Did You Go Far Enough?”

She said sure, you could write something adequate. Something that fills in the blanks, does the job, meets the requirements of “writing.”

But: Did you go far enough?

You know. We all know. It’s the difference between “meh” and goosebumps.

It’s the difference between “That book was alright” and “I stayed up all night reading even though I had to work the next day.”

I’ve contemplated that question:

Did I go far enough? 

swirling and churning it with each book I’ve produced.

And for me, going far enough is always a question of emotion.

I’m never done until I’ve milked every drop of emotion from a scene. It’s true in my picture books as well as in my novels, and the more I write, them more I see opportunities. It’s not what’s happened, but your character’s reaction to what’s happened that creates emotion. IMHO.

Emotions add:

• Tension
• Clarity
• Depth

Tension:

Why do we decide to turn that page and start reading a new chapter? Because we’re worried about our character. We must know what happens next to them.

It is possible to add tension to any setting 

by amping up the emotion.

Your character wakes up to a bright sunny morning. All is good in the hood, right? Mais, non. Instead of just pushing back the covers and plunging from the bed:

He bites his lip.

or

He clutches at the covers. (Maybe he crawls under them.)

or

He shudders.

or

He refuses breakfast.

or

He vomits all over the covers.

You just conveyed that your character is nervous. (Okay, the vomiting may indicate a virus or a hangover — you may need to clarify with other cues/tells.)

He wakes up to that same sunny morning and he:

sneers

or
snickers

or
rubs his hands together and laughs in a disturbing way

or
he has cold eyes,

You just conveyed that he has contempt. Better hope there are strict gun laws in his state.

He wakes up yet a third time to that sunny morning and:

his eyebrows gather in

or

he squeezes his eyes shut

or
his posture is bent with slumped arms, the shoulders pulled low.

Maybe he even mutters an apology into the air, or up to God.

You just showed up that your character has regret. Are the gun laws strict in that state?

The emotions do not explain anything here. They make us wonder: what the heck is bugging this guy on such a sunny day? He should be jumping out of bed singing, “Oklahoma! Where the wind comes sweeping down the plain!” (Maybe his problem is that he lives in Oklahoma and hates getting his hair messed up in the wind.)

Once our character gets out of bed you can compound the emotion, or you can turn it around. You can create an unexpected twist; you can make the day go even worse. But all this great stuff happens only if he doesn’t simply “wake up to a sunny day and gets out of bed.” Because that’s the default setting, folks. Change it.

Emotion can also illuminate our story, clarifying how we’re supposed to feel . . . within the context of our story. 

Clarity:

Emotion can also illuminate our story, clarifying how we’re supposed to feel about a certain situation within the context of our story. Often, something which happens can be good or bad, funny or sad — depending on how the character feels. If you want to play around you can use multiple characters and have them feel different ways about a situation. For example, I write about the Revolutionary War. So if something good happens for the British, it’s going to upset the Americans. I never just say “so and so won this battle.” Who cares, anyway? We care about the emotional reaction to the win or loss.

This is also good to define moral character: how your character reacts to something tragic or even just a little upsetting shows insight into him. Maybe he’s happy, because he hates the person it happened to. Maybe he has good reason. Maybe they’d bullied him in the past. Or maybe your character is the bully. 

Really, emotions can change the course of our story entirely -- without altering the plot.

Depth:

The difference between the kiddie pool and the deep end is depth. 

Both get you wet, one immerses you.

The difference between the kiddie pool and the deep end is depth. Both get you wet, one immerses you.

Immerse your readers. Shove ‘em right into that deep end — over-priced clothes, over-priced shoes, hideously over-priced purses and all. They'll never forget you.

This brings us back to: Did you go far enough?

Examples of how emotions made the difference in children’s/YA books:

1.     The Catcher in the Rye:  Pencey Prep would be just a rich kids’ boarding school if Holden hadn’t been so damn depressed. Frankly, the whole book is one big emotional breakdown.

2.  Charlotte’s Web: What if Fern cared more about what was for breakfast (extra bacon?) then where Pa was going with that axe?

3. Harry Potter — What if Harry’s mother hadn’t loved Harry enough to sacrifice herself for him? (It’s kind of interesting that Harry himself is a fairly passive-emotioned character, compared to the others surrounding him. Look at the passion of Snape!)

4.Lord of the Flies — What if the boys decided to band together to survive, treating each other with respect and concern?

5. The Chocolate Wars — What if Jerry felt inclined to sell the chocolate like everyone else?

These are just some from the top of my head. Why don’t you apply your favorites to the emotions test as well?

As you can see, emotions not only show us the internal working of a character, but they also determine the tone, outcome and depth (as previously mentioned.) It is emotion which lends gravitas.

Of course, the master of emotion was Shakespeare. Think about how essential emotion is in his plays! They would be utterly meaningless without them. There’s a man who went far enough.

So how do you go about showing emotions in your stories? Many of us first try to use dialogue for the heavy lifting, but this can leave us with hackneyed, tired lines. Yes, use strong, biting dialogue that delivers a punch. But don’t flail wildly, or your story will be down for the count.

Here’s where you can cultivate:

1.     Your word choices count. A word carries a feel, a connotation. An emotion. So never have a character “walk.” Have him plod, trudge, skip or shuffle. I HIGHLY recommend the Flip Dictionary by Barbara Ann Kipfer, Ph. D. It’s a thesaurus on steroids.

2.     How you describe your setting provides emotion. Run-down or pristine?  Cheerful abundant or bare? It’s not just how it is, but how your characters perceive it.

3.     How your convey the weather also provides emotion. Again, a sunny day may be greeted with dismay. Or a happy character might whistle as he walks through the rain.

4.     Body language. Oh, yes. This is rich indeed. I own a book called The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writer’s Guide to Character Expression by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi, and it is priceless. Not since I laid eyes on my Flip Dictionary many years ago have I loved a writing resource so much. If you want to get into character traits and how they are revealed emotionally, Angela and Becca have also created The Positive Trait Thesaurus and The Negative Trait Thesaurus. I own these, but haven’t referred to them much yet (though perusing them now, they do seem inspiring.)

5.     You can even use pacing to convey emotions. In my latest novel, I chopped up the narratives and discovered a much tenser emotional trajectory — without changing a word. Your novel is like a potato: slice it, dice it, make Julienne fries.

I hope you find this useful!

Remember: A mediocre story is one filled with missed emotional opportunities.

One more thing about writing. You must give it some priority if you want to experience growth. I always say: “Tonight, we can cook a fancy dinner, or we can write a novel!” What do we have left when we’re done eating?

My kids grew up thinking that when it’s dinnertime, the Chinese man brings it.

(I am convinced my son loves broccoli with garlic sauce because I ate it with one hand as he nursed nestled in my other.)

Let’s get to work!

I suppose we might try for passages which convey emotion today — if you have them. But please, share whatever you’d like feedback on. I can’t wait to read your work!

For mine, this is a section in Unpunished, Book Three in the Rough Romance Trilogy. I have many points of view in this one.

Dorothy’s Mom

I didn’t even know what was happening. My daughter was alive, eyes open! I screamed, I couldn’t stop screaming, at the sheer horror of what I’d done. And the baby was pounding, pounding inside me, as though she were screaming, too.

One of the nurses who rushed in grabbed me, yanked me out of the room. I didn’t resist, but I didn’t help either. I was like a lead weight, not on purpose, but because I couldn’t function. It was like my mind wasn’t even in my body, I was just observing.

I was still screaming, and she shook me hard. “Dr. Fields!” she scolded. And that stopped my scream. She had no right to scold me.

“You said it wasn’t possible,” I roared. “You said she was dead. Already dead, though breathing. Oh my God, that doesn’t even make sense! I believed you, I believed you all!”

She didn’t say anything. Her arms dropped. She was a mess, how could she call herself a nurse, what did she know? It was just this big mess, everything was this colossal mess, I’d colluded in the attempted murder of my daughter and God help me I couldn’t go in there and face her what the hell kind of a mother was I? And then water gushed out into the floor, I was standing in a puddle and I stared down wondering where the hell that came from and then I realized — it came from me.