Friday Feedback - Fantastico!

This is me. You know me.

Welcome to Friday Feedback.

Guess what?

I have a super fantastico guest star putting his bravery on the line
for feedback today. I asked him if he wanted to and this is what he answered:

“What you want me to do? I do it!”

(You see how fantastico he is?!).

Who is he, you ask?

This is Geoff, not me.

Fellow Class of 2K11’er, “El Nacho Dip,” Geoff Herbach. 
(yep, that's Geoff over there on the right. Isn't he Nacho-y?)


Geoff’s book, Stupid Fast, comes out from Sourcebooks Fire this June.

According to Geoff’s website, Stupid Fast is,

“…about a boy. It’s about sports. It’s about being a serious dork. It’s about a paper route. It’s about bullying and the opposite. It’s about a girl. It’s about hair growth. It’s about a little brother. It’s about piano. It’s about a depressed mother. It’s about learning to be who you are.”

All I know is if it came from Geoff, I want to read it.

But, guess what? Geoff is giving you a sneak peek at his sequel to Stupid Fast today. It's actually still a work in progress but just sold anyway this week to Sourcebooks Fire (*throws a pound of confetti at Geoff!* er.) The working title is The Whole Warm World which I really like (you?).

Okay, before we start, a brief recap of the RULES:

(If you want more details, read this blog post here: ) otherwise, just follow along).

1. If it is the first few paragraphs of a novel – today it is NOT, so skip to #2. – tell me if it "hooks" you enough to make you want to keep reading, or not. If yes, why? If no, why not?

2. What works for you, and why?

3. What doesn’t work for you (if something doesn't) and why?

If you would like the same feedback for your own work, please post your brief excerpt at the end of your comment (and tell me what it is -- e.g. opening to a novel, short story, poem, etc...). Please post no more than 3 -5 paragraphs, 5 if they're short, 3 if they are long. If there's more, I will only read the first 3 -5. If the comment gets too long, feel free to reply in two separate comments. If you are a student from a particular class, please identify yourself as such. If not, let me know how you found me. Ok, here we go!

From The Whole Warm World:

In May, three months ago, I realized that I am not like my father or brother, Felton. This gene did not transfer. I am not a mammoth athlete, and, I’m serious, I won’t ever be.

This, of course, is the least of my troubles.

It really bothered me, which is dumb, because I’ve never wanted to play sports.

What’s sort of funny about this situation is that my classmates wanted me to play sports very badly, EXTREMELY, because my older brother, Felton, is an amazing football player. My high school class isn’t that athletic. I suppose they thought I’d save their sweaty sports buns, but I can’t. What isn’t funny about this situation is that back then, before, in April, I was really happy.

I turned sixteen and Grandma Berba purchased me a used Toyota Celica and I was free. My girlfriend, Bony Emily, and I would drive up and down Bluffton, Wisconsin’s Main Street laughing at the drunk and angry college kids. Sometimes Emily would yell funny things at them, like: “Learn to walk, Drunkie McDrunkbottom!” that made them even more angry, but they couldn’t catch us, because they were on foot and couldn’t walk very well due to their drunkenness and we were in my car. Then we’d drive into the country and go into county parks at night, which was scary. Sometimes we’d drive to Dubuque, Iowa to see decent movies. This was a good life and I didn’t worry.
----

Thanks to Geoff for doing this with me. Hopefully he'll be back to enjoy all the feedback. Now, you know, do your thing.

-gae