Friday Feedback: Unruly & Ten Rules

Boo hiss: All my dread in the world couldn't keep it away: the unofficial last weekend of summer is here.

And, next Wednesday, my kids go back to school.

The days are getting shorter, the morning's, colder, and all my wishing and hoping won't keep fall at bay.

The only good part is that I have a lot of fun book stuff coming up: my first Canadian Book Club, a school visit in PA, a Kids Read stint at the esteemed Center for Fiction in NYC, and an evening at Pen Parentis, to name a few.

Also, my "Frankie" revisions are due to my editor, after a big thumbs up from my agent, so I'm hopeful they'll go over well. If only the publication date weren't so very faaaaaar away.

As for my Frankie revisions, I'm feeling a bit lovey dovey with my hubby these days* (that's him ranking a blog appearance up there) because, unbeknowst to me, he took it upon himself to read the revised draft. Now, let's just say he's not always my best, most attentive reader. *coughs* And let's just say that, if he doesn't love something, he's not particularly great at hiding that fact. *weeps a little*

And let's just say he hasn't stopped gushing about this book!

Seriously, that's like getting rave reviews from Kirkus. Plus, he's kinda looking at me all starry-eyed. ;)

Anyway, I have some fun guest authors and writing and revision tips coming up in the next several weeks, but this week, and especially for those readers who are regulars, I do want to parade out my very short bible of writing for you once again... Got 10 Rules?

Come on, Elmore makes it easy:

Yeah, okay, maybe those last two rules are tricky. . .  ;)

Anyway, it is Friday Feedback. . . so, without further ado, you know my rules. Here's another bit from my Work In Progress I posted from last week -- an upper YA called In Sight of Stars. The MC is a 17-year-old boy named Klee (pronounced Clay). He's in a bit of a (very) bad way:

At 5:15 pm, I walk out to the nurses’ station to call Mom, which is bad timing to begin with, because the smell of puked-up chicken noodle soup or some other shit wafts from the cafeteria down the halls. I’ve avoided a meal there since Monday, but I’m not sure how much longer they’ll let me.

            The nurse at the desk’s name is Shelly. She’s the blond one who sometimes brings me my meds.

            “I need to call my mom,” I say. She nods and moves away, to give me some privacy, I think.

It still feels weird to dial our home number, like it’s somebody else’s, not ours. The sound of the ringing makes my heart race. I don’t know whether I want her to answer, or not. Not means she’s out gallivanting.

Then again, what does it matter?

Another ring, a third, then voicemail.

“You’ve reached Klee and Marielle, please leave a message. We’ll get back to you as soon as we’re able.”

Nice. Creative. Original. The machine beeps in my ear, gratefully cutting off my thoughts.  

“Hey, Mom, it’s me. I’m doing better. So, yeah, when you get this, you can call. Or, I guess you don’t have to call, you can just come by tomorrow if you want to. Oh yeah, if you do, could you bring me some clean clothes and, I guess maybe my school books, since I really don’t know how long I’m in for. They’re in my backpack, well, you know. Okay, thanks. See you then.”

I hang up. My stomach roils. I can’t even wrap my head around school.

Then again, I can’t wrap my head around having to see my mother either.
***

Looking forward to reading you!
- gae

*I'm almost always feeling lovey dovey with my hubby.

Friday Feedback, New (new, new) beginnings

One of the best pieces of advice I can give new writers is, don't waste too much time on the beginning. When you set out to write a novel, don't keep fixing up the opening scene, spinning your wheels to make it pretty. Get it down, move on, and go back to it when you are done with the whole story. Because, most of the time, it's not until you've seen the middle and end, that the true beginning will reveal itself to you.

It may be a mere paragraph later, or a whole chapter later, or maybe you haven't written it at all. Maybe the first sentence stays, and you gut the opening from there.

there are frogs of relevance in Frankie Sky...

     As some of you may know, I just (finally! *tosses confetti*) sold my next YA novel, Frankie Sky.

Prior to the sale, no opening of any of my manuscripts changed more than the opening of that one, Frankie Sky.

There were definite reasons for these changes, for starters, the original version I set out to tell morphed completely as I wrote. The protagonist, Francesca "Beans" Schnell, started out much younger in the original draft, and the story spanned a much longer time. The central focus was her relationship with the boy she meets, Frankie Sky.

Here's one of the original opening's from 2010:

http://www.mypoolsigns.com" target="_blank"> MyPoolSigns.com

The first time I see Frankie Schyler, he’s diving into the deep end of the Lawrenceville Country Club pool. All around the pool, clear as day, are big white signs with black letters that say, “NO DIVING,” but, then, he can’t know about those.

     As I made my way into the story, I knew I wanted Francesca to start a little older, and for the book to span a shorter time. It became more a story about Francesca and her best friend Lisette (not to mention a love triange) and, so the opening morphed to here:

It’s not even noon in not even July, yet already the sun bakes down hot and steady making the air in front of me waffle like an oily mirage. I hate summer, and it only makes it worse that I’m here at the Lawrenceville Country Club pool without Lisette because, since school ended, she’s never around.

I sit up and adjust my bikini top, trying to stretch it across the spots it barely covers. It’s snug only because it’s old – one of Lisette’s hand-me-downs – and not for better reasons. Lisette had lent me it last spring for a school carwash, and I grabbed what I could this morning. It’s not like I have a fresh supply of bathing suits.

Fast forward. The book sold (*makes another squeaky happy noise*) and my new editor commented that she wanted to see Francesca's relationship with Lisette sooner - though not necessarily in the opening. In the version that sold, we don't see Lisette until the third chapter, although Francesca referenced her in the first paragraph.

Based on that feedback, and a few other editorial requests, I started to play with this new opening, which is where I am now:

It’s not even noon in not even July, yet already the sun bakes down hot and steady making the air in front of me waffle like an oily mirage. I hate summer to begin with, and it’s looking more and more like I’m going to spend this one being a third wheel.

Lisette walks ahead of me with Bradley, her blonde pony tail bobbing happily, the stray, static strands of her hair lit gold by sunshine that spills down through the fresh green canopy of leaves.

Bradley holds tight to her hand, ducks to avoid the low-hanging branches. Prickles of sweat appear between his shoulder blades, dark gray dots through the pale blue cotton of his t-shirt that mesmerize me.

So, what do you think? Does one of these openings hook you more than another? What makes an opening work for you? Do you have a favorite opening line?

You know the rules for Friday Feedback (and, if you don't CLICK HERE). Let's use the most recent (last posted) opening of mine: does it hook you? If so, why? If not, why not? Tell me in the comments and, if you want, post a brief excerpt from something you're working on. It can be a poem, a short story, a novel, and I (and maybe some of my readers) will give the same feedback back to you.
p.s. If you're in Mr. Wyzlic's class, please let me know! Look forward to chatting with you guys on Tuesday!

Happy Friday.

- gae