Ahem, five years, and a fu**ton of gratitude

this is me a few months ago...
i may not look quite this cheerful today...

GRAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Ahem.

This is me.

Waiting.

This is me, out on submission.

This is me, feeling somewhat like crap for the past month+ compounded by the writerly fear that I will never be (traditionally) published again.

This is me,

rejected,

insecure,

impatient,

frustrated,

disillusioned (how can it be THIS hard the (effing) third time around?! WTF?!?!).

This is me,

looking less like her up there (*points up*)

and more like my favorite facebook sticker Mobile Girl, MiM:

And yet.

And yet.

And yet.

Today is five years since the sale of THE PULL OF GRAVITY to the extraordinary Frances Foster.

Five years ago today...

Five years since I officially became a to-be published author, fancy PW announcement and all.

There are others who work faster, get more deals, have more sales.

So be it. They are there.

I am here.

This is what you must know: there's not a moment of it I take for granted.

Not one moment I'm not

so fucking* grateful:

for the two books that sit on my piano in my living room,

why yes, I did leave my 10K swim plaque
up there for all of you to see...

for the agents who have believed in me, but really and most especially my current (and hopefully forever) agent, Jim McCarthy, who not only believes in me but who is smart, skilled and level-headed and has proved he can also get the job done,

 for the editors who have taken my stories on so far, believed in them and nurtured them,

the awesome Elise Howard...

for the teachers, librarians and booksellers who have invited me in to their classrooms, libraries and stores, giving me the chance to connect with my readers, which is EVERYTHING.

and, mostly for the readers, who seek out my stories, or read them because they have to but fall in love with them anyway, and who take the time to put up reviews or send me notes, which mean the world to me.

Seriously, is this not the best?!

okay, okay, wait! This one!!! ;) 

So, if I am frustrated and doubtful and angsty, I am also endlessly permanently lucky and grateful, and just wanted to take a moment of blog time to say so.

As always, thanks for stopping here and taking the time to read.

We now return you to your regularly-scheduled programming, and the internet glut of content that is late 2014.

xox gae

*sorry, sometimes you just have to.

Falling, Failing, and Chutes & Ladders Redux (with essential footnotes that should be read contemporaneously with the piece)

Me, trying to accept the fall...

One of the most interesting things about being a parent is trying to take your own advice. Or at least the advice of others you dispense to your own kids freely. Like this awesome advice from Kelly Corrigan about failing that I've been dispensing to my college son for weeks:

Great advice from Kelly Corrigan, from this terrific speech,
that I've been dispensing to my kids freely.

I mean, I love that.

I love that so, so much.

A few weeks ago, I handed in my next young adult manuscript -- one called THE MEMORY OF THINGS, which I think may be my favorite ever  -- to my amazing, smart, wonderful, cherished editor at Algonquin Young Readers, who unceremoniously fn1 turned it down.

If you don't know the stinging-sharp, kick-in-the-gut pain of rejection, made ten-fold worse by being rejected by someone you know and love, whose approval you deeply seek and desire, then you might as well not bother to keep reading.

But if you do, then follow along with me, here.

This has been my writing life. Most writers' writing life. This constant rejection, coupled with self-doubt, that only gets compounded by more rejection. fn2

I wrote about the path-- my path -- of trying to get my books published maybe best here, in one of my most popular blog posts ever called My Writing Life: Chutes & Ladders. So, when my current editor turned down my current manuscript, I had to remind myself of this: that my prior editor had turned down the manuscript that my current editor loved and nurtured and bought. This is the subjective nature of writing, of making, or trying to make, art.

And, so. Now I set out to find that new editor, the perfect-fit one who will help spin this new, worthy manuscript into gold. . .

The write-up for THE MEMORY OF THINGS in my agent's October newsletter

To do that, I slide down more chutes. I climb more ladders. I find new edges to bounce back from.

I'm ready and excited to bounce back.

Within hours of my agent's newsletter going out, we had five requests to read the manuscript. In fact, THE MEMORY OF THINGS had the honor of garnering, within ten minutes, the first request.

I'll take this as a good sign.

And, while we're waiting, I'll rake leaves. One foot up on the next rung.

And, now, for your reading pleasure: some Beta Reader feedback fn3  on THE MEMORY OF THINGS... (you may click on the photos to enlarge them.)

High School Librarian . . . 

Teen reader I enlisted through an English teacher in Indiana. . . 

President and co-founder of Books are Magic. . . 

Elementary Reading Teacher and avid reader. . . 

- gae

p.s. I also have a piece of women's fiction called THE SWIMMING SEASON out on submission. Love me from this post and want to get more of me? Ask my agent about that one. And about my other dark & edgy YA called JACK KEROUAC IS DEAD TO ME. Go on. Go on. fn4.

Essential footnotes:

fn 1. I mean, perhaps there was a ceremony and I just wasn't privy to it, what do I know? Perhaps she made a voodoo doll of me at my laptop, placed it in the center of the manuscript, and burnt the whole thing down. Perhaps there was cake involved, which would have been lovely too.

fn 2. Of course, the bruised and battered ego is buoyed, thank goodness, by manuscripts selling and books coming out in between, that garner awards and good reviews, and bring letters from teen -- and other -- readers who love them. We call this keeping us out of the ditch. Okay, fine. I just made that up and called it that. 

fn3. Yes, yes, we writers learn quickly that we are supposed to take our BETA readers feedback with a grain of salt... well, so far, my BETA readers have ultimately been correct. So, salt and all, I'm sticking by them. Especially my teen beta reader's feedback. ;) 

fn 4. In fact, what are you waiting for? Here's his phone number. 212 627 9100   You're welcome. 

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If you like this post, please check out my books HERE and/or at your favorite local bookstore. 

And look for THE MEMORY OF THINGS, coming from Griffin St. Martin's Press in September 2016!!

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