tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post7978332214801682363..comments2024-03-25T11:29:49.222-07:00Comments on That Wee Bit Heap: Friday Feedback: Do You Have What it Takes to be a Writer? Quiz with Amy Fellner Dominygae polisnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10491813685110351809noreply@blogger.comBlogger80125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-87879802712593077722016-07-23T21:50:35.008-07:002016-07-23T21:50:35.008-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.joysofboys3https://www.blogger.com/profile/03104637888924438724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-67819790951239057682016-07-23T21:48:56.321-07:002016-07-23T21:48:56.321-07:00And I am wondering is he ok? Sometimes the er peop...And I am wondering is he ok? Sometimes the er people watching is a collection of characters all its own.joysofboys3https://www.blogger.com/profile/03104637888924438724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-42854833970369296252016-07-23T18:07:20.011-07:002016-07-23T18:07:20.011-07:00Diane, such a sweet and poignant excerpt. Glad you...Diane, such a sweet and poignant excerpt. Glad you shared here. Keep writing. :D gae polisnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10491813685110351809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-10992257560783950292016-07-23T17:47:04.096-07:002016-07-23T17:47:04.096-07:00Elissa,
Glad Amy's feedback helped! I see she...Elissa,<br /><br />Glad Amy's feedback helped! I see she has my usual WOW's already in place and the line she sites as the big WOW was mine too. Just love. And as is sometimes the case, yes, your beautiful writing can make the reader work too hard, and Amy points out those places. So clarification will do the trick as will having context and italics, I'm sure. Glad you are getting close to done! Exciting!!! Keep going. <3 gae polisnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10491813685110351809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-15438001793127631502016-07-23T17:29:16.091-07:002016-07-23T17:29:16.091-07:00Amy, it was so nice of you to come back to give fe...Amy, it was so nice of you to come back to give feedback today after responding to all the posts yesterday. It really does help. <br /><br />There are 2 things I noticed right after posting that make this a little more confusing: there are a couple places where italics did not show up (like the question why are you sorry), and there's also a pov shift where I call the brother he in 2 paragraphs (I always find pov errors interesting, as they kind of hint at how close a writer may be feeling, so hmm... but I corrected that). Partly, this excerpt is repeating details seeded earlier, so it's revealing an answer - but still, I'm aware that I've sometimes drafted things confusingly. This was a newish draft, so it helps to hear if it worked at all, but then also to know where I need to clear things up. So thanks for that feedback.<br /><br />One thing that got lost when I posted this, there are specific lines of your excerpt that I just loved. fake cheating is such a great expression -- especially the way she uses it as if everyone would get that, and I LOVED the line "I mean, you had your shot" -- the wit kept this so surprising. :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06691953319491494013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-4213454727395171222016-07-23T17:10:10.555-07:002016-07-23T17:10:10.555-07:00Hi Selene.
I'm so sorry you were at the ER w...Hi Selene. <br /><br />I'm so sorry you were at the ER with your son today, but glad that it meant you had time to visit FF. (You and Gae, both with sick boys! I hope your guy is doing better now. I have a son with chronic ear infections so I know what you mean. When they want to go, you go!) <br /><br />It's so amazing to hear that a writer with your talent and success has the same demons I do. It's a daily struggle, for sure, but I'm always comforted to know that I'm not alone. <br /><br />Thanks again for sharing your thoughts here. Talk about a wonderful bonus for everyone.<br />:)<br /><br />Amy Fellner Dominyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02443753580296658999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-72495876537295845702016-07-23T17:02:33.947-07:002016-07-23T17:02:33.947-07:00Oh, Diane, this excerpt just makes me sigh. I can ...Oh, Diane, this excerpt just makes me sigh. I can see it all...feel it all. That excitement for Jeremy to be "growing up" and the sadness of Mom that he's growing away--such a nice way to put it. I also loved the image of Jeremy putting his foot in Mom's face--so perfect for that age. <br /><br />I wonder if you can follow up that last line of Jeremy's with one from Mom's (your) perspective. He wants to watch a scary movie--what is Mom thinking? Is there something that might capture her feelings/thoughts for how to spend the day? Something to put a exclamation point on it, as they say? Just a thought. <br /><br />So sweet--thanks for sharing! Amy Fellner Dominyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02443753580296658999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-84481468020234913362016-07-23T16:54:29.174-07:002016-07-23T16:54:29.174-07:00Hi Elissa.
Thanks for all the great comments abo...Hi Elissa. <br /><br />Thanks for all the great comments about my excerpt. I had to put this book away for a while because of plot problems, but this has got me enthused to go back to these characters, and these sisters! :) <br /><br />So, your excerpt...wow! It's very hard-hitting and emotional. There are a lot of things I love about it. You make me feel the situation he's facing and the things he's seeing and the way he's trying to handle it. I especially love the line about the boy still standing there holding on to what mattered before. Again --WOW! <br /><br />I would say not to worry about writing dark and visceral--stories need that sometimes. It sounds like yours does. I understand the urge to make it more artistic and literary--pretty up the truth. But just be careful you don't play around with words so much that we, the reader, lose the thread of what you're saying. There were a couple of places where I had to reread to be sure I understood. (Some of it might be the way it's punctuated too--there are a lot of compound / disjointed sentences.) For instance, why is it so beautiful? What exactly is beautiful about all that death? I really liked how you described him in the picture after he was lost--but I wondered why he was beautiful--why so much at peace? It's really compelling--but not quite clear. Also, and this is a little thing that may have to do with paragraph breaks, but near the end he says "I'm sorry." Then she says "Why." Then he answers "Why are you sorry?" Or maybe I've got that all wrong. It wasn't clear to me after a couple reads. I think that'll be an easy fix in revision. <br /><br />It's wonderful to hear that you're nearly to the end. Congrats! Keep writing and finish what sounds like a touching story!Amy Fellner Dominyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02443753580296658999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-41629440874675477522016-07-23T16:28:36.000-07:002016-07-23T16:28:36.000-07:00LOL! I knew what you meant. I'll have to go ba...LOL! I knew what you meant. I'll have to go back and look over my eyeball glue...that would be quite the trick wouldn't it! :) <br />THANKS!Amy Fellner Dominyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02443753580296658999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-91668788548775939952016-07-23T16:27:07.510-07:002016-07-23T16:27:07.510-07:00Hi Eni. Thanks for sharing your excerpt!
Without...Hi Eni. Thanks for sharing your excerpt! <br /><br />Without knowing anything about your story or these characters, you've got me feeling for Blake. I want to see him happy--I want to see him find his self-worth even though it seems easier for his friend and his brother. So thats really great! Making readers care about the characters is so so important. <br /><br />When you go back to it in revision, I'd suggest fleshing out the last part where the girl falls to the ground. I'm confused about what's happening there. Is she hurt? If so, why does Collin have "put-on" look of concern? Also, the last line gave me pause. I like that he can't even help a girl on the beach because he's not quick enough, adept enough...but why does he say that she would never be his? <br /><br />A couple of things to think about for revision, but for now, KEEP WRITING! :) Amy Fellner Dominyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02443753580296658999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-57667163113192590132016-07-23T09:46:35.630-07:002016-07-23T09:46:35.630-07:00Hello Jennifer,
As I am sticking my nose into ever...Hello Jennifer,<br />As I am sticking my nose into everyone's writing today, I will "third" what Amy and Gae said. Maybe you could relate a specific thing she does when she's in pain to try and feel better? Maybe she has a stuffed animal that doubles as an aromatherapy dispenser (these exist) and she cuddles it? Something that makes us really see her curled up with her pain. <br /><br />I really feel for this girl, and I know kids will be drawn it to her plight - which they probably don't know a thing about - yet. <br /><br />I do think that you might want to take a pause before the "Crazy, huh?" Or rephrase it so it's a little less light. I know she puts on a brave face, but after revealing all of that pain, I think she needs a moment before brushing it off. <br /><br />I feel so sad for her!Selene Castrovillahttp://www.selenecastrovilla.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-12214262719255056532016-07-23T09:36:53.995-07:002016-07-23T09:36:53.995-07:00Hi Patti,
This is so emotional. I can identify wi...Hi Patti,<br /><br />This is so emotional. I can identify with it, as I watched my beloved aunt slip into Alzheimer's. She said really outrageous things like your mom did, and argued even when I tried to "reason" on her level - as you did with the garage door code.<br /><br />The hardest part about writing memoir is separating your heart from your writing - especially when your writing needs heart, too. But it's a different kind of heart. It's a writer's heart, not a protagonist's heart. And so you may feel like you need to put down every twist and turn, but in reality (literally) you do not.<br /><br />I would suggest writing the scene between you and your mother in real time, instead of relating it to your sister. This will simplify your logistics and keep us focused on the emotions. I am fascinated by the way you handled your mother, and I know it had to be so hard. And now you have this to face. I will tell you something: writing down the pain of my life did not make me feel better. It made me feel worse, because I was faced with it. But when people responded, when they told me how much my words resounded with them, and they shared their stories -- that's when I felt better. It's all about humanity and connection.<br /><br />Your words connect with me.<br /><br />As for putting it all together: I suggest writing it as you remember it, one incident at a time. You can sew it all up like a quilt later.<br /><br />Best of luck with this!Selene Castrovillahttp://www.selenecastrovilla.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-90878634464752768952016-07-23T09:20:14.013-07:002016-07-23T09:20:14.013-07:00Hi Wendy,
I love the image of free-running sheep! ...Hi Wendy,<br />I love the image of free-running sheep! (Who doesn't love sheep?) You use great language as well - like "barrels." I especially love the habit getting tangled. Most of what I was going to say was covered, but I will add that you might try to wring out extra laughs whenever possible. What does Sister Norbert resemble with her face covered in preserves? Does the offending sheep knock her in the rear? Could you describe the actions of one or two of the chasing children - or what sounds they make? Could you describe something in particular about the sheep who runs into Sister's table? How exactly does the man crash into the display table? Maybe he slips on some hay? Does a tomato smash on his head? I would also like to hear the crashing, smashing sounds. Maybe the sheep have flower stems stuck in their teeth. Maybe they ran through a finger-painting area for kids, and now they're multi-colored. (Maybe the kids were painting flags, and now the sheep are a patriotic red, white and blue.) There are so many possibilities! The more details, the more we are drawn in. Don't be sheepish ;) Selene Castrovillahttp://www.selenecastrovilla.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-48510097694502225112016-07-23T06:34:00.530-07:002016-07-23T06:34:00.530-07:00Hi Amy (and Gae),
So there I was in the emergency...Hi Amy (and Gae),<br /><br />So there I was in the emergency room with my son early this morning, because he woke me up complaining of a stabbing ear pain - and when a 17 year old wants to go to the doctor NOW, at 5:40 AM, you take him.<br /><br />But what to do, with only my phone. (Not even any coffee!) I decided to read Friday Feedback! Amy, I enjoyed your quiz - and I did not look at the dancing baby. I guess I am a writer.<br /><br />Seriously, my problem is myself - my own nagging demons. Those voices you described, humorously - they are not humorous to me, at all.<br /><br />As Meryl Streep cried, "I have doubt!!!"<br /><br />Thanks for this light-hearted quiz with so much behind it. It serves not only the beginner, but the seasoned writer. We all begin again each day.<br /><br />And Gae, hope you had a fantastic, water-filled birthday!<br /><br />XOSelene Castrovillahttp://www.selenecastrovilla.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-70459376439830286342016-07-23T06:25:20.604-07:002016-07-23T06:25:20.604-07:00Hi Jen,
I thought you conveyed a whole lot here, a...Hi Jen,<br />I thought you conveyed a whole lot here, and I also felt like I got to know your character in a short space - well done!<br /><br />I love the emotion and action you infused once off the treadmill. Perhaps try and add some more while on it? (Perhaps fear and/or a growing panic - as I have felt more than once when trying to get off a treadmill.) Maybe show more physical signs of emotion (annoyance?) from the person next to her? Like when he says, "You press stop" he could roll his eyes.<br /><br />I also love the changing of the jocks - so true! We feel so much with this line.<br /><br />I do get the sense that something serious is lurking in the background here - and that this respite is well-needed. I'm rooting for your character!<br /><br />Selene Castrovillahttp://www.selenecastrovilla.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-12273399284520902912016-07-23T06:03:48.693-07:002016-07-23T06:03:48.693-07:00I love this, Martha! I love this, Martha! Selene Castrovillahttp://www.selenecastrovilla.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-41104963352053402212016-07-23T06:02:23.811-07:002016-07-23T06:02:23.811-07:00Ah yes, Tamara -- I've been there! You made me...Ah yes, Tamara -- I've been there! You made me relive the horror of an excited child VS my baking "allergy," as I call it. <br /><br />I don't bake, either. I mean, that's what bakeries are for!<br /><br />If you were going to expand this into a larger work, perhaps you could describe in what way you plan and execute theme parties. Maybe you could create an obsessive mother who goads the baker with a precise description of every detail she wants on the cake.<br /><br />Really, there's a lot you could do with this. You have the base emotions (at odds with each other.)<br /><br />Happy baking ;)<br />Selene Castrovillahttp://www.selenecastrovilla.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-22351847125552430842016-07-23T05:52:01.312-07:002016-07-23T05:52:01.312-07:00Hi Stefanie,
I love your theme of bravery - a cor...Hi Stefanie,<br /><br />I love your theme of bravery - a core desire we all relate to. I adore the idea of searching for an escapee chicken! Did you use a chicken because of its juxtaposition with bravery, and how people use that term to goad someone into taking a risk?<br /><br />I used to give out tiny rubber chickens at book signings -- but I digress.<br /><br />I think you have a great scene which just needs some fleshing out. Look for places where you can milk the tension -- I always search for ways to wring every drop of emotion out of a scene. No emotion left behind! <br /><br />It felt like you could add more angst when she spies the "alien" -- before your reveal that it's a boy playing Manhunt. Try describing him more, in a way that reinforces the misinformation that he's an alien. Also, I would describe the weather more -- maybe make it misty? Or someone else suggested that the sun was harsh and in her eyes - that would work, too. One thing I've learned, you can make a reader believe anything, as long as you work it enough. <br /><br />I love your Thwock! Great sound effect! Things like this are great to amp up both tension and setting us in scene. Perhaps you can magnify its effect by having her jump at the sound behind her - or give her some kind of sensory reaction. <br /><br />There's a book I want to marry called the "Emotion Thesaurus." I bought it because I was writing a screenplay and you have to put in all emotions through action, and now I use it for all my writing. If you look up the emotion (IE: Fear), it will list all the physical reactions/body language a person exhibits while experiencing that emotion. Plus more! <br /><br />My sons both played Manhunt (thank goodness, they're over it now!) They used airsoft guns, so you might want to check into those. <br /><br />I also suggest describing how the boys look with layered sweatshirts. What do the guns look like? Perhaps she thinks a gun is an alien death ray at first?<br /><br />When the boys started talking, it felt like Hannah left the scene. Perhaps she's right back there in the next sentence, but try and remind us she's there observing as much as possible. Maybe she can still be shaking as she listens? Maybe she clutches a leaf with quivering hands? <br /><br />Best of luck with this, Stefanie! Maybe you'll share more of your novel when I do Friday Feedback in a couple of weeks?<br /><br />I hope so (I would especially like to read something with the chicken in it.)Selene Castrovillahttp://www.selenecastrovilla.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-2538896611446908802016-07-23T04:59:17.639-07:002016-07-23T04:59:17.639-07:00Thank you, Amy and Gae. This feedback is helpful t...Thank you, Amy and Gae. This feedback is helpful to making me think about what I want to accomplish with this scene. Gae, as always your flash edits are superb! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-28748555020823351252016-07-22T20:34:13.536-07:002016-07-22T20:34:13.536-07:00Andrew, THANK YOU! I can feel the love right throu...Andrew, THANK YOU! I can feel the love right through the screen! <br /><br />I laughed out loud at a bunch of this, the dream included, poor kid! But still humorous ;) I'm still struggling a bit with your tenses (all in past, right, until the "That's it" when it all switches to present. On revision, you'll have to work this out! :D Keep going! gae polisnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10491813685110351809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-15764721262962167462016-07-22T20:22:39.377-07:002016-07-22T20:22:39.377-07:00Patti, this is so beautiful and poignant and, I im...Patti, this is so beautiful and poignant and, I imagine, hard to write emotionally, and I’m feeling so honored to get snippets. <br /><br />I agree with Amy’s feedback’s and would also suggest on revision LATER you simplify in places, and cut back, e.g. on dialogue tags letting the dialogue and emotion of the scene do more of the work and trust the reader will get it. I think by cutting back when you revise, your writing and the emotions will shine more. Here’s a quick superspeed flash edit to illustrate possible places. See if you can even tell where I cut back and if you think what’s there shines a little more.<br /><br />“She said what?” My sister shook her head. <br />“I know, can you believe it?” I still wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.<br />“Start at the beginning,” my sister demanded, wanting to make sense out of what I certainly had wrong.<br /><br />Mom and I were getting ready to go to the store when she leaned in and half whispered, “I’m afraid we’re going crazy, you and me.” She gestured between us. <br /><br />“Both of us, or just you?’” I wasn’t shy about the elephant in the room. “What happened?” <br /><br />She balanced to put her shoe on. “Well…” she began, looking around as if others were there, “I was walking home from Walmart and…” She paused knowing the next bit would surely confirm her diagnosis of crazy, “…and I saw Dad.”<br /><br />I raised my brow and nodded, willing her to go on. I needed to know if she knew, or remembered, but I didn’t want to lead her. “And we’re going crazy because?” <br /><br />“You know…he’s. . .” She fought some more to get her heel in. "Dead.”<br /><br />“And this is why WE are going crazy?” She nodded, eyes down, focusing on her shoe. “Umm, did you talk to him, or just see him?” <br /><br />“Of course I talked to him,” she snapped, this time looking directly at me. <br /><br />“How was he?” <br /><br />She shrugged, “Umm, you know.”<br /><br />The man’s been dead for ten years and I get a shrug with a “you know.” <br /><br />“Did you ask what they talked about?” my sister interrupted impatiently. <br /><br />“No, but there’s more.” <br /><br />We were just about ready to walk out the door when she stopped, uncertain of what to do next. <br /><br />“Mom, you ready? What’s wrong?” I fidgeted with the keys in my hand.<br /><br />“Well, I can’t lock the door if he’s coming here tonight. He doesn’t have his key.” <br /><br />Still new to the memory loss game, I gestured at the window and offered rational thought. “Mom, if he shows he can just slip in. He won’t need a key.” <br /><br />I expected a laugh, but instead I got a curious stare. She was circling through time, bouncing between real and seemingly real time. Recovering quickly, I added, “Mom, he knows the garage door code. He can use that.” <br /><br />She spun toward me angrily. “He doesn’t have a car!” And then my mother, who stoically survived several sorts of hell in her lifetime of 80 years, burst into tears paralyzed by the insanity of it all.<br /><br />She was right about one thing. Crazy had arrived.<br />gae polisnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10491813685110351809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-10103491943213808232016-07-22T18:51:33.684-07:002016-07-22T18:51:33.684-07:00Ok really sister bantering between sisters? Maybe ...Ok really sister bantering between sisters? Maybe I shouldn't be writing :-)joysofboys3https://www.blogger.com/profile/03104637888924438724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-81429936873942165822016-07-22T18:50:18.100-07:002016-07-22T18:50:18.100-07:00An excerpt from a short story about when my baby t...An excerpt from a short story about when my baby turned 5.<br /> "Mommy look my legs are longer,” a gruff voice awakens me. I grab at tiny toes dangerously close to my eyes. Jeremy is awake before his brother, as usual, and this is his fifth birthday. He is always making observations, so naïve and adorable, his voice always excited as if his discoveries are our own. <br /> He wobbles trying to stand up on one leg to show me how much he’s grown, now being five. A whole hand. My heart falls remembering his infancy and knowing this year he will be in kindergarten. This year he will begin to grow away from us.<br /> “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy turn your face” he insists pushing my chin his direction. “Look!” he shouts stretching all three feet ten inches of his five year old skin. “Today I’m gonna watch a scary movie.”joysofboys3https://www.blogger.com/profile/03104637888924438724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-62893347560976949542016-07-22T18:49:31.709-07:002016-07-22T18:49:31.709-07:00Happy birthday, Gae, and hi Amy!
I loved your ex...Happy birthday, Gae, and hi Amy!<br /> <br />I loved your excerpt. The dialogue is very real and fun. In that short span, you get me curious about so many different things. Why does she (anyone) want to get detention? I want to know more about this character, because it's such a contrast -- someone good wanting lessons to be bad. I'm drawn into the dynamic between the sisters -- bickering, maybe, but there's trust there too. And I'm left thinking they know each other's secrets, to an extent, from that last line. So curious. Craftwise, for dialogue I like how few interruptions there are for tags or gesture -- I felt right in the scene. Even the one time it says "I say" could have been left off (although maybe it adds an extra beat). My only question was about the 2 places of internal dialogue: the first is not italicized and the second is, so it seemed they should be consistent.<br /> <br />***<br /> <br />Mine isn’t light or funny! I looked for something else, but really, I’ve been working on the final third of my adult novel, and it’s involved some intense scenes. In a building reveal it comes out that my MC’s motivation was triggered by her brother’s disappearance while reporting in war zones. (“You” in the passage is her brother.) Sensitive to ick? Skip the 1st & 3rd paragraph. < It's new for me to write such raw detail - it has to be harsh, but I appreciate any feedback on how I handled it, trying to find some 'art' to it and not dwell too deeply(???).<br /><br />In Ankara, a widow belted with a bomb went all at once, and took out each market man as he gestured produce and fish and oiled figs and shoes that bore the careful handwork of tanning and stitching. Eighty-five dead, once they counted the gore not recognizable as gore in your pictures. <br /> <br />You called me, retching: “Sorry… Sorry. Sorry. I don’t mean to…” You wanted to hang up – shouldn’t have called; god, why call and spread the fear? – but you couldn’t hang up now until you got yourself together enough to lie: “It’s nothing.”<br /> <br />The viscera, the bodies coming clear. Ghosts of dust you’d been filming as they eddied and rose, almost beautiful. Then saw. A face. A hand. A knee. A boy standing, unscathed but spattered, still holding what had mattered before the blast. <br /> <br />“It’s nothing… I’m safe. I just...” You tried to make ordinary the lie: someone’s birthday you forgot, a message you needed to give. But there was nothing. “…didn’t want to call mom and dad. They worry… Just…I love you guys. You know that, Carinne?” <br /> <br />So beautiful, all he shot of the world. So horrible. He could hardly breathe. “I’m sorry.”<br /> <br />In one picture of him – one of four most circulated by the news, later, when he was lost – his beard had grown shaggy with weeks imbedded, his hair rough and changing color from the sun, from depleted diet. But his eyes were warmer, his smile utterly at peace, more aligned with the universe than any other minute I’d known him. So beautiful, so alive.<br /> <br />“Why?”<br /> <br />I meant, Why do you have to be there? But already knew, and wasn’t surprised when he answered, instead, Why are you sorry?<br /> <br />“I shouldn’t make you worry. I shouldn’t have called.”<br /> <br />I wasn’t sorry for that. Because he called, I knew. Knew the thread of soul lost, weeded through the photos sold and published, alien and cold, by the Post, the Times. Knew what to feel. Knew not to feel abandoned, that we were not left behind. Knew to brace for impact. Knew, sooner or later, what would come.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06691953319491494013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-15776236801035380842016-07-22T18:47:24.811-07:002016-07-22T18:47:24.811-07:00This comment has been removed by the author.joysofboys3https://www.blogger.com/profile/03104637888924438724noreply@blogger.com