tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post7809059439974823769..comments2024-03-25T11:29:49.222-07:00Comments on That Wee Bit Heap: Friday Feedback: KISS those Queriesgae polisnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10491813685110351809noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-29781795730624128842013-09-23T17:38:38.645-07:002013-09-23T17:38:38.645-07:00Thanks so much for this, Gae. I'm back to be b...Thanks so much for this, Gae. I'm back to be buried in teaching, planning, grading.. but querying is next in line on my fiction list, whenever I catch a breath, so this was really welcome advice.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-48740839061938151792013-09-23T06:50:05.655-07:002013-09-23T06:50:05.655-07:00Valerie,
I really enjoyed this--I love Kate and a...Valerie,<br /><br />I really enjoyed this--I love Kate and always look forward to reading more of her story. I was especially struck by the line: "They always found you out if you weren’t genuine from the start. She certainly had no plans to try to deceive them." I think it fits especially well in Kate's story. It struck me that this is a bit of a theme--Kate has little tolerance herself for falseness, interesting to see that flipped here into Kate making sure she herself is genuine. The English major in me is also wondering whether this fits in with the translation piece--getting to the root of meaning and what is real.<br /><br />I also enjoyed that this scene is less about Kate's pluck and steely resolve (which I adore) and more about her opening herself to a new phase. It adds new dimensions, and makes me eager for more. --JaneAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-64057192169138283282013-09-22T16:00:34.342-07:002013-09-22T16:00:34.342-07:00Oh, thanks as usual! I knew there'd be a funny...Oh, thanks as usual! I knew there'd be a funny thing like that that I would head-bang over when I reread after posting...valeriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14963603652408959213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-83684513483897790052013-09-22T15:28:12.049-07:002013-09-22T15:28:12.049-07:00Just a love excerpt, Valerie, the voice as consist...Just a love excerpt, Valerie, the voice as consistent and sure as ever. Only minor edit (and yes, I know you would catch it eventually) is the word appear appearing three times in this brief bit:<br /><br />A dark, curly head appeared around the door-jamb, and Kate stood, waiting to see who would appear.<br />A tall slim boy appeared, stepping hesitantly into the room. <br /><br />So maybe edited to something like: A dark, curly head appeared around the door-jamb, and Kate stood, waiting. A tall slim boy peeked in, stepping hesitantly into the room.<br /><br />Great stuff. So happy to get a glimpse of Kate again!<br /><br />Keep going. <br /><br />xox gae gae polisnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10491813685110351809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-64291577285489713552013-09-21T22:16:23.553-07:002013-09-21T22:16:23.553-07:00Wow, Jane,
I almost feel just how your wonderful c...Wow, Jane,<br />I almost feel just how your wonderful character feels from this great sort of backwards description - the juxtaposition of what others obviously CAN do at parties with what she CAN'T is very effective in showing me, not telling. It's great! valeriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14963603652408959213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-49176763600650751832013-09-21T22:11:31.750-07:002013-09-21T22:11:31.750-07:00Oh, Gae, this is the greatest help! I'm making...Oh, Gae, this is the greatest help! I'm making notes in my notebook for when the time comes. I am so looking forward to the day when I am ready to write my query letter and you read it... I'm still plugging away (still determined, still loving it) at Kate, feeling good about this do-over and getting it right. Here's a scene from Kate's first day of teaching, which I really glossed over. It is almost first draft, still, but it's what I"m digging into right now. In rewriting, it's as if all these people I made up just because there needed to be some people in there are finally becoming real, and connections to them later in the book keep popping out at me and hitting me in the head and insisting that they be put in there too. Exciting and scary.<br /><br />---<br />Kate took a deep breath and moved toward the desk. There was a sheaf of papers there, containing the lists of students in each of her classes, and the hours each class was held. She found a pot of ink and the roll book in which she would enter all those students. Soon they’d become faces and personalities to her. Roll call first, then, and learning new names. Kate sighed. She was terrible with names. Edna had suggested a few tricks for remembering, and maybe she’d try. First off, though, she’d just come clean and tell the students that she would forget their names, but would learn them eventually. That was the thing with young people. They always found you out if you weren’t genuine from the start. She certainly had no plans to try to deceive them.<br />She laid out her materials for the first German class. Second year. She’d have to find out what each one knew first thing. Maybe they’d lost it all over a summer spent in other pursuits. She laid a German grammar at each desk, delighting in the worn brown covers, fingering the tatters and thinking of how they’d likely get more as the year went on.<br />She looked up at the sound of footsteps and realized that the students would be coming in at any moment. Best stop lingering here dreaming! It was time to get started with the day. A sudden surge of panic welled up inside her; Kate banished it and stepped forward as the classroom door swung open.<br />A dark, curly head appeared around the door-jamb, and Kate stood, waiting to see who would appear.<br />A tall slim boy appeared, stepping hesitantly into the room. His cuffs were tattered, dark pants worn and stained. He ducked his head as Kate took another step forward, slipping into a desk and folding his hands. Kate introduced herself, aware that the young man was as likely as nervous as she. <br /><br />valeriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14963603652408959213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-60239295452415058922013-09-21T11:09:11.079-07:002013-09-21T11:09:11.079-07:00Gae,
I want to publicly thank you for your help wi...Gae,<br />I want to publicly thank you for your help with my query letter. It is out now to a few agents. That part is so time consuming, finding an agent to query, and with school and all (no puppy, but a dog and a few cats), it's hard to find the time. I have had one rejection, so that's a good sign, right?<br />Thanks for your honesty. We need it!Margaret Simonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04434866104385187658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-68142566237839799522013-09-20T11:09:21.100-07:002013-09-20T11:09:21.100-07:00Oh, Jane, this is just perfection. I love the voic...Oh, Jane, this is just perfection. I love the voice of it and the last paragraph -- the sparkling dragonfly -- in relation to the weariness of having played second-fiddle again... just perfection. Keep going.gae polisnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10491813685110351809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-37201594356652770872013-09-20T10:20:24.299-07:002013-09-20T10:20:24.299-07:00Hi, Gae,
Thanks for the guidance. I'm working...Hi, Gae,<br /><br />Thanks for the guidance. I'm working hard at revising my WIP, and I will mark this page as motivation and a model for the day I'm finally ready to query. Miles to go....<br /><br />Thank you, too, for hosting Friday Feedback. I've missed them! This is a scene from Chapter 1, during a long ride home from a ball.<br /><br />--Jane<br /><br />Parties might be less tedious, she mused, if you had some idea that they might hold something for you other than failure or mortification. If you thought you might do something clever or glowing, or if you had a chance of meeting someone interesting. If you weren’t worrying about mussing your hair or spilling things or stepping on feet or saying something you shouldn’t or offering an opinion on really anything at all. If you weren’t trying so hard to be a completely different person.<br /><br />But if you were just the plain-looking daughter of an Earl, one with a stunningly beautiful stepsister, the most you could reasonably expect was lots of sitting and waiting, droning conversation, and polite dances with gentlemen who hadn’t managed to find a better dance partner. There was always the dim hope that the third son of a Lord, the kind that were always looking for a girl with a sizeable dowry, plain face or not, would unexpectedly turn out to be fascinating. Or maybe a fortune-hunting scoundrel would happen along, though she didn’t really wish for one of those. So far, with one painful exception, the third sons all were dull and spent their time gazing over her shoulder. So far, the fortune hunters had been kept at bay. So far, Miranda was just along for the ride.<br /><br />“And then there was Miranda.” Lady Catherine’s sharp tone broke her thoughts, signaling the next phase of the stream of complaints.<br /><br />Taking one one last look out the carriage window, Miranda braced herself for the onslaught. A dragonfly rested on the outer sill. Its gossamer wings stopped beating, and its iridescent green back gleamed in the sun. Almost unconsciously, Miranda noted the oblong shape of its translucent wings, different from the banded wings she sometimes saw on the dragonflies that circled at the creek. She had also seen a bird’s curved wing up close, had watched the feathered fan unfold and catch the air. How was it that both animals, so differently winged, both could fly?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com