tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post3322261622785523782..comments2024-03-25T11:29:49.222-07:00Comments on That Wee Bit Heap: Friday Feedback: Ending it All (or at least a Chapter or three. . . )gae polisnerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10491813685110351809noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-77841826452747092532014-08-09T19:21:13.970-07:002014-08-09T19:21:13.970-07:00Thank YOU! So excited!Thank YOU! So excited!William Ritterhttp://rwillritter.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-70005409674462984352014-08-09T17:41:28.042-07:002014-08-09T17:41:28.042-07:00Meh, don't be peeved, Val. It's easy to ni...Meh, don't be peeved, Val. It's easy to nitpick but you'll find my own mss's peppered with all the things I point out.... your story is terrific. Keep going!Gae Polisnernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-74189115215957805632014-08-09T17:40:00.440-07:002014-08-09T17:40:00.440-07:00Thanks for being here, Will! Excited for Jackaby N...Thanks for being here, Will! Excited for Jackaby NEXT MONTH!Gae Polisnernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-42474364693112856892014-08-09T09:27:38.944-07:002014-08-09T09:27:38.944-07:00You're more than welcome. Tremendously talente...You're more than welcome. Tremendously talented group to be a part of. Thank you for having me!William Ritterhttp://rwillritter.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-75669220301814835262014-08-09T09:24:25.057-07:002014-08-09T09:24:25.057-07:00My pleasure—there are some really wonderful storie...My pleasure—there are some really wonderful stories growing in here!William Ritterhttp://rwillritter.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-5095000775177895912014-08-09T05:26:40.028-07:002014-08-09T05:26:40.028-07:00Will-
You're a gem. Thank you.Will-<br />You're a gem. Thank you.Terry Turnernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-34556874443213892892014-08-08T22:50:58.430-07:002014-08-08T22:50:58.430-07:00Jane, Bully for you! This is the kind of scene tha...Jane, Bully for you! This is the kind of scene that could get preachy but you keep it like teens would play it, and real. I feel the anger from your MC and the derision in return. I would try a LAW on this but it is past my bedtime. I want to find out what appens next.Valerie Steinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-54598439371693133232014-08-08T22:47:31.815-07:002014-08-08T22:47:31.815-07:00Excellent, yes, Gae, I get it! I am a bit peeved w...Excellent, yes, Gae, I get it! I am a bit peeved with myself that this scene of all of them I might have posted still has the extra tagging - I've removed some 1200 extra wordsin revisions this week (so many advrbs!!). But I know it's a multi-phase process, and maybe it is good that you could call those to my attention in this scene, too. Thank you, thank you both. You are always so helpful and you make us all feel like going on and finishing!Valerie Steinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-54422776764559632012014-08-08T22:43:06.861-07:002014-08-08T22:43:06.861-07:00Will, thanks so very much. This is great advice, v...Will, thanks so very much. This is great advice, very helpful! The modern pacing and old feel - that helps so much. And I totally saw whwat you meant about GONE WITH THE WIND, though Gae did a good job of giving some backstory for me (which is usually way too long). Thanks so much for taking the time with us here. You've shared so generously with us today.Valerie Steinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-62782013069175406162014-08-08T22:39:30.017-07:002014-08-08T22:39:30.017-07:00Thanks, Jane! It's so fun to know that you &qu...Thanks, Jane! It's so fun to know that you "know" Kate. You have a better oerspective on some of the scenes I post than others, and I always appreciate your input.Valerie Steinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-83631480943212520482014-08-08T22:04:53.771-07:002014-08-08T22:04:53.771-07:00Calling it a night, campers. Loved these excerpts—...Calling it a night, campers. Loved these excerpts—thanks so much for sharing with me! I'll touch back in tomorrow morning.William Ritterhttp://rwillritter.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-62027065622450010042014-08-08T18:10:12.856-07:002014-08-08T18:10:12.856-07:00Now *that* is a serious recommendation.Now *that* is a serious recommendation.Terry Turnernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-24267003038678974602014-08-08T18:08:59.565-07:002014-08-08T18:08:59.565-07:00He's pretty sweet. I love Pogo. I grew up read...He's pretty sweet. I love Pogo. I grew up reading old Pogo collections from the cold war era that my parents kept around. They were oddballs with a ton of heart. As newspaper comics go, I think they might be second only to Calvin & Hobbes.William Ritterhttp://rwillritter.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-25824963210743099572014-08-08T18:04:09.378-07:002014-08-08T18:04:09.378-07:00Glad it was helpful! Hope it opens a few doors for...Glad it was helpful! Hope it opens a few doors for the next round. (And I know the feeling!)William Ritterhttp://rwillritter.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-49499789973912411802014-08-08T17:48:03.709-07:002014-08-08T17:48:03.709-07:00WOW. This is awesome. Walt Kelly's Pogo Possum...WOW. This is awesome. Walt Kelly's Pogo Possum describes my Pogo the dog pretty well, at least according to Wikipedia: "the reasonable, patient, softhearted, naive, friendly person we all think we are" What great luck!Terry Turnernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-3662373973985288102014-08-08T17:45:31.309-07:002014-08-08T17:45:31.309-07:00Also, now I need to research Walt Kelly comics... ...Also, now I need to research Walt Kelly comics... Good to have an assignment.Terry Turnernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-70885340453290485402014-08-08T17:44:37.794-07:002014-08-08T17:44:37.794-07:00Oh, my goodness. I hadn't consciously thought ...Oh, my goodness. I hadn't consciously thought of them both as underdogs. Of course. Now I feel like an idiot. This is nearly the finale of the story - Owen is supposed to be proving himself, but it's not quite enough, and I think your feedback is going to point me in the right direction. Thank you so much. (And sometimes when you're too close to the writing, you desperately need someone to point out the obvious!)Terry Turnernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-88304290507715589642014-08-08T17:20:35.208-07:002014-08-08T17:20:35.208-07:00Thanks, Jane!Thanks, Jane!Andrea Macknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-26210272484791637272014-08-08T14:57:40.670-07:002014-08-08T14:57:40.670-07:00Hi, Terry! You have been a huge champion of TW and...Hi, Terry! You have been a huge champion of TW and me since you joined! Your affection and admiration comes across loud and clear, and makes me feel very appreciated every Friday!<br /><br />As for me, you know how I feel already about Owen, and the addition of Pogo just makes me love this story even more (there's a three legged dog in this neighborhood, and I always think I must write about him or her when I see him running along as if he is perfect and whole... so thank you for doing that for me!)<br /><br />I think WIll raises some good points! This scene can be even more! And since we're talking about endings that make you turn the page, how about pushing that ending a bit more? Maybe ending it when he's down on the ground, and the next chapter starts when he bounds back up again, so we're needing to know if he's okay?! Food for thought. Keep going. Your heart shows everywhere in this story. :)Gae Polisnernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-28803647762316572572014-08-08T14:21:04.675-07:002014-08-08T14:21:04.675-07:00Hi Terry!
I LIKE this classic underdog scene. Pogo...Hi Terry!<br />I LIKE this classic underdog scene. Pogo is easy to like (I may also be biased as a big fan of the old Walt Kelly comics), but Owen's concern for him is very sweet, as well. Makes me wish I had more than this one clip to see their interactions!<br /><br />I'd ALTER the gravity of the scene. It's difficult to tell if we're meant to be more concerned about Pogo's ability to make the jump and prove something (to Owen, to the judges, to himself?), or if we're meant to be more worried for his safety after he trips and tumbles. IF we're focusing on him defying the odds and making the jump, then I'd do two things. <br />1) I'd build up the pre-jump with a more time spent with Owen getting nervous before the little pup starts to run, and <br />2) I'd make the judges less sympathetic. Don't lower the bar. Underdog stories are all about proving the naysayers wrong, and if everybody is unanimously supportive, everyone rooting for Pogo, everyone making it happen, then his success is a little less dramatic. They don't have to be huge jerks, but they might simply be realists, assuming the dog can't do it and not wanting him to injure himself trying.<br /><br />If you want to focus less on making the jump and more on the danger of injury, then give that beat more time. There needs to be a tense silence as everyone holds their breath, or everything moving in slow motion as Pogo lies in a sickeningly unnatural position... if only for just a second. I need to be worried about him the way Owen is worried about him. <br /><br />Either way, when He IS okay and plows back through the bar to cuddle Owen, that moment will have the tender weight it deserves.<br /><br />I WONDER if Owen and Pogo have a shared underdog identity. Does Owen relate to Pogo because he's handicapped in some way? Are they like family to each other because no one else understands them? Is the dog's success symbolically significant as well as just sweet? I want to know how they connect with each other, which I imagine is a big part of the surrounding story. I snuck a peek at a couple of your earlier excerpts without Pogo to get a better taste of Owen, and it seems like the two could form a really interesting dynamic.<br /><br />Great share!William Ritterhttp://rwillritter.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-74318013951151514642014-08-08T13:44:26.125-07:002014-08-08T13:44:26.125-07:00That's fair—and not an easy challenge. You'...That's fair—and not an easy challenge. You're already thinking about precisely the right hurdles to jump in order to achieve a strong and steady build to a climax, though. Write that book! It's going to be heart-racing and awesome, and I know a few teens who might have really appreciated seeing kids like them in print.William Ritterhttp://rwillritter.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-70085647292732622182014-08-08T13:38:21.707-07:002014-08-08T13:38:21.707-07:00I don't want to miss out on a Friday Feedback ...I don't want to miss out on a Friday Feedback but I'm prepping for kid havoc, so I'll need to come back later to read the critiques. <br /><br />Will - your character sounds like he'll hit my sweet spot. I'm very psyched to read your book. Thank you for sharing your expertise!<br /><br />(And Gae, I think you know I adore you now, but perhaps I should say thank you a dozen roses more.)<br /><br />For background: my mc is Owen, Christopher is a friend, the dog (Pogo) only has one leg in front, and this is an agility demonstration. <br />_________<br /><br />Last obstacle: the jump. <br /><br />Afraid that Pogo would be unable to actually jump over the pole, they had placed it on a rung two less than the certified height for his size. Christopher jogged to the cones marking the finish to wait. <br /><br />Owen swallowed. “Jump, Pogo.” He directed Pogo to the agility jump.<br /><br />Pogo charged, galloping toward it with a speed that surprised Owen. Leaping over the pole easily, he tripped on the landing. His lone front leg slid under him and his jaw hit the ground. Momentum carried him and his back legs flipped him over in a somersault, sailing forward to thud heavily between the cones.<br /><br />The crowd gasped.<br /><br />“Pogo!” Owen ran towards him.<br /><br />Pogo flipped himself upright, and seeing Owen behind him, charged the jump again, this time knocking the pole off.<br /><br />A relieved chuckle trickled among the adults as they began to applaud. The children cheered. <br /><br />Owen wrapped his arms around Pogo. “Good dog,” he whispered.Terry Turnernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-4808340954758785632014-08-08T13:33:05.744-07:002014-08-08T13:33:05.744-07:00LOL, and yes to all you say about a book that feel...LOL, and yes to all you say about a book that feels old but is modern in terms of pacing ,etc. :) A hard balance.Gae Polisnernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-61888904944743421622014-08-08T13:32:39.672-07:002014-08-08T13:32:39.672-07:00Hi Rebecca! I really liked the way Penelope is hid...Hi Rebecca! I really liked the way Penelope is hiding from Leena. I think you've captured that so realistically. I wonder if the line where Leena stares at Penelope might be strengthened a bit to give the reader an indication of the kind of stare - it could be curious or hostile or surprised. So cute how the dad is aware he is kind of clueless about what's really going on.Andrea Macknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3782322998406687709.post-47387307519729314772014-08-08T13:27:59.825-07:002014-08-08T13:27:59.825-07:00I've got nothing to add to Will's awesome ...I've got nothing to add to Will's awesome feedback except, Keep going! And yay for participating more this summer, and boo to only one more week of teachers write! But don't get me started on that. <3Gae Polisnernoreply@blogger.com